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CritterKeeper

Things You Find Amusing

352 posts in this topic

On 04/15/2017 at 6:09 AM, Scotty said:

170414-1830.Falingard.jpg

This, @hkmaly, is how one parodies The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. :P

Yes, I didn't caught that one either. I mean, the title text obviously told me it's about Skyrim, but I didn't realized the game title is parody of the Skyrim name.

On 04/08/2017 at 5:39 PM, mlooney said:

Of course like most double ended weapons, the Bat'leth is rather silly.  Weapons that you hold at that center of mass mean that you are going to smack it into your self.  Yes, I know there are methods of using it so you don't, but some one with a traditional sword of the same length is going to out range the Bat'leth user by several feet.  And let's not even get into the range advantage some one that uses a pointy bit as it's offensive end.  Some one with a rapier would nail a Bat'leth user before they could get their first "Your mother has a smooth forehead" off.

Nail, maybe. Klingons have extra set of kidneys, an eight-chambered heart, a third lung, and even a secondary brain stem, as well as an extensive and hardy skeletal structure. I don't think you can kill one by thrusting him with rapier faster than in hour even if he's not defending himself and you have Klingon anatomy book.

I'm not entirely convinced Bat'leth is better than traditional sword, but I wouldn't describe it as silly. The author of that concept was martial artist with experience in oriental weapon design (see memory alpha article for details) and what is best for fight between humans will not be same as what's best for fight between Klingons.

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1 hour ago, hkmaly said:

I'm not entirely convinced Bat'leth is better than traditional sword, but I wouldn't describe it as silly. The author of that concept was martial artist with experience in oriental weapon design (see memory alpha article for details) and what is best for fight between humans will not be same as what's best for fight between Klingons.

We can look at our own history to know that different cultures developed unique fighting styles with various weapons, and for europeans at one time, honorable combat involved both sides lining up their troops on the field. What Klingons used for weapons and how they fought would likely have worked for Klingons just fine. But comparing how a Klingon fights versus how a Human fights would be like that scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark where Indiana Jones was confronted by a swordsman trying to be intimidating and Indy just pulls out a gun and shoots him.

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22 minutes ago, Scotty said:

We can look at our own history to know that different cultures developed unique fighting styles with various weapons, and for europeans at one time, honorable combat involved both sides lining up their troops on the field. What Klingons used for weapons and how they fought would likely have worked for Klingons just fine. But comparing how a Klingon fights versus how a Human fights would be like that scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark where Indiana Jones was confronted by a swordsman trying to be intimidating and Indy just pulls out a gun and shoots him.

Mph. I am unconvinced that sword versus bat'leth would be that big of a difference. Range is important and part of human war history has always been trying to find better ways to kill at longer and longer range. But range is not all-important, in older times mobility and armouring could and often did trump range. A sword trumps a bat'leth in reach but only by a foot or so at most. While significant, this in no way means automatic victory for the swordsman any more than a spearman will automatically kill a swordsman.

As to lining up troops on the field, you did that for matters of combat efficiency, not 'honour'. Massing your troops gave them added shock effect and a mass of troops would slaughter a mob or a skirmish line. Arm your mass with long pointy things and suddenly it also became much more resistant to, say, being overrun by cavalry. The downside of massing your troops was of course that it became all but impossible to miss them when firing ranged weapons at them. But it took many centuries before ranged weapons improved to the point where compact formations and lines in battle became completely obsolete. As late as in the American Civil War, troops still fought in compact formations; artillery and rifles notwithstanding, the risk of being shredded by a cavalry charge was just too great if soldiers deployed in a skirmish formation.

Only a couple of decades later this was no longer true. The invention of repeating rifles and the Maxim gun killed cavalry as the deciding arm on the battlefield. Of course, not everybody realised this at once and cavalry stayed as an important arm in many armies. And at least for reasons of mobility, it retained usefulness for a while. It was just that it turned into mounted infantry instead -- you ride to reach your position fast, then dismount and fight with your horse left outside the line of fire, hopefully.

I am sure the horses at least considered this a vast improvement.

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1 hour ago, Scotty said:
2 hours ago, hkmaly said:

I'm not entirely convinced Bat'leth is better than traditional sword, but I wouldn't describe it as silly. The author of that concept was martial artist with experience in oriental weapon design (see memory alpha article for details) and what is best for fight between humans will not be same as what's best for fight between Klingons.

We can look at our own history to know that different cultures developed unique fighting styles with various weapons, and for europeans at one time, honorable combat involved both sides lining up their troops on the field. What Klingons used for weapons and how they fought would likely have worked for Klingons just fine. But comparing how a Klingon fights versus how a Human fights would be like that scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark where Indiana Jones was confronted by a swordsman trying to be intimidating and Indy just pulls out a gun and shoots him.

Maybe. Question is who would be Indiana Jones? :)

38 minutes ago, The Old Hack said:

you ride to reach your position fast, then dismount and fight with your horse left outside the line of fire, hopefully.

I am sure the horses at least considered this a vast improvement.

Only in the cases where their position really remained outside the line of fire ... AND if enemy wasn't hungry.

 

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12 minutes ago, hkmaly said:

Maybe. Question is who would be Indiana Jones? :)

Duh. Harrison Ford, of course.

Quote

Only in the cases where their position really remained outside the line of fire ... AND if enemy wasn't hungry.

Meh. I still think the horses would like these odds better than running straight into the machinegun meat grinder.

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4 minutes ago, The Old Hack said:
Quote

Only in the cases where their position really remained outside the line of fire ... AND if enemy wasn't hungry.

Meh. I still think the horses would like these odds better than running straight into the machinegun meat grinder.

Obviously. But if the comparison is to the pre-machinegun fight ...

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19 minutes ago, The Old Hack said:

Mph. I am unconvinced that sword versus bat'leth would be that big of a difference. Range is important and part of human war history has always been trying to find better ways to kill at longer and longer range. But range is not all-important, in older times mobility and armouring could and often did trump range. A sword trumps a bat'leth in reach but only by a foot or so at most. While significant, this in no way means automatic victory for the swordsman any more than a spearman will automatically kill a swordsman.

It really depends on the sword, if we're talking longswords, an agile bat'leth user might be able to parry easily enough. Something like a rapier or other fencing type sword might be more trouble as they're lighter and can be used with quick strikes that a bat'leth might not be maneuverable enough to deflect. But again this is a cultural difference.

46 minutes ago, The Old Hack said:

As to lining up troops on the field, you did that for matters of combat efficiency, not 'honour'.

I was mainly referring to the musket lines, where you had two lines for each group, and they'd take turns firing. I get that they set it up that way because it took a minute or so to reload so they had to stagger the firing pattern, but it still struck me as terrifying that they were essentially sitting ducks. I can only think that the reason they agreed to do out there was their superiors said it was the honourable way to fight...and maybe threaten to charge them with treason if they refused.

 

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32 minutes ago, Scotty said:

I was mainly referring to the musket lines, where you had two lines for each group, and they'd take turns firing. I get that they set it up that way because it took a minute or so to reload so they had to stagger the firing pattern, but it still struck me as terrifying that they were essentially sitting ducks. I can only think that the reason they agreed to do out there was their superiors said it was the honourable way to fight...and maybe threaten to charge them with treason if they refused.

Actually it was because of the sheer terror effect that would invariably occur when an entire line of soldiers fired simultaneously. It would result in a massive rolling thunder of powder and all the bullets striking at the same time. The physical effect would be much the same as if every soldier fired in their own time but the effect on enemy morale was much more severe.

Or in some cases, on your own side's morale. In one particular war the morale of the Spanish musketeers was so bad that the ONE time they managed to get a line to fire all at the same time, the massive sound of the volley was so terrifying that the firing line ITSELF broke, fleeing in blind panic from the sound of their own muskets.

Not that the Spanish cavalry was much better. For one thing, it lacked usable mounts. There are definite limits to how effective an unmounted cavalry charge can be. In fact, during that entire war the only successful cavalry charge they managed to complete was against a cluster of limbered artillery.

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5 hours ago, hkmaly said:

Maybe. Question is who would be Indiana Jones? :)

 

5 hours ago, The Old Hack said:

Duh. Harrison Ford, of course.

Not Sean Patrick Flanery and Corey Carrier?

5 hours ago, Scotty said:

It really depends on the sword, if we're talking longswords, an agile bat'leth user might be able to parry easily enough. Something like a rapier or other fencing type sword might be more trouble as they're lighter and can be used with quick strikes that a bat'leth might not be maneuverable enough to deflect. But again this is a cultural difference.

I think the two pointy bits at either end of the bat'leth, in the hands of a skilled user, could be used to either snap a light-weight sword in two, or wrench it out of the wielder's hand.

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4 hours ago, CritterKeeper said:

I think the two pointy bits at either end of the bat'leth, in the hands of a skilled user, could be used to either snap a light-weight sword in two, or wrench it out of the wielder's hand.

Disarms are much harder to do than Hollywood and role playing games would lead to think.

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46 minutes ago, mlooney said:

Disarms are much harder to do than Hollywood and role playing games would lead to think.

I did like that bit in Jaquinto's 'Swashbuckler' where, whenever a rapier or epée clashed with a dagger, the dagger had a one in six chance of breaking.

As to real life disarming, I saw a HEMA (Historical European Martial Arts) practitioner who said that the simplest way to disarm someone in a swordfight would probably be to injure their weapon arm.

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13 minutes ago, The Old Hack said:

I did like that bit in Jaquinto's 'Swashbuckler' where, whenever a rapier or epée clashed with a dagger, the dagger had a one in six chance of breaking.

Don't mistake a modern fencing foil for a rapier, and don't mix up the various short pointy things.  Give me 20 minutes with a good file, or about two minutes with a grinder wheel and I will take my epee into battle vs large dudes with daggers.

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Just now, mlooney said:

Don't mistake a modern fencing foil for a rapier, and don't mix up the various short pointy things.  Give me 20 minutes with a good file, or about two minutes with a grinder wheel and I will take my epee into battle vs large dudes with daggers.

Oh, I am not belittling any of these weapons. I am merely wondering why all daggers in that world are apparently forged with high breakability as a feature.

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51 minutes ago, The Old Hack said:

I am merely wondering why all daggers in that world are apparently forged with high breakability as a feature.

Simple.  Daggers are a sideline business of rapier manufacturers.  They deliberately make the daggers particularly vulnerable to the much more expensive rapier so that dagger owners will be compelled to either keep buying more daggers or upgrade to the premium rapier.

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1 hour ago, The Old Hack said:

Oh, I am not belittling any of these weapons. I am merely wondering why all daggers in that world are apparently forged with high breakability as a feature.

You would think that a smaller blade would have a higher breaking point than a longer blade, of course daggers vary in blade type as well, from thin bladed stilettos, to heavier dirks, which would also affect the breakability.

37 minutes ago, Pharaoh RutinTutin said:

Simple.  Daggers are a sideline business of rapier manufacturers.  They deliberately make the daggers particularly vulnerable to the much more expensive rapier so that dagger owners will be compelled to either keep buying more daggers or upgrade to the premium rapier.

Of course one can't dismiss the possibility of shady manufacturing and marketing practices.

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I love it whenever a gaming personality tweets about going outside and including a picture:

Responses range from "What kind of FPS do you get? to "Nice graphics"

 

My favorite one:

:D

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6 hours ago, Pharaoh RutinTutin said:

Simple.  Daggers are a sideline business of rapier manufacturers.  They deliberately make the daggers particularly vulnerable to the much more expensive rapier so that dagger owners will be compelled to either keep buying more daggers or upgrade to the premium rapier.

Noted for Mortimer And Roger's.

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19 hours ago, The Old Hack said:

The physical effect would be much the same as if every soldier fired in their own time but the effect on enemy morale was much more severe.

There is positive effect of your soldiers morale if they don't see that they didn't hit target. If one in the line will hit, multiple soldiers may think they did.

20 hours ago, Scotty said:

Something like a rapier or other fencing type sword might be more trouble as they're lighter and can be used with quick strikes that a bat'leth might not be maneuverable enough to deflect. But again this is a cultural difference.

I repeat my suspicion that rapier would be only able to cause light injury to Klingon. Remember that if you stick your sword into someone, the sword is blocked and you can't parry with it AND your own movement is also limited unless you drop the sword. Klingon will survive the stab, you won't survive when he beheads you with the bat'leth meanwhile.

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46 minutes ago, Pharaoh RutinTutin said:

In honor of Earth Day, I shall be spending this entire day on Earth.

While I will be doing that also, I really don't find it amusing, rather depressing as a mater of fact.

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Just now, ProfessorTomoe said:

One night, I went back to the dusty hall where the records were kept (yes, it was an old, poorly lit, brick-walled, dusty dead-end hallway) and did some deeper-than-normal research into the issue. You won't believe what I found. Someone had dropped a pair of punch card trays and had put them back together out-of-sequence. It resulted in Taxpayer A getting Taxpayer B's money, Taxpayer B getting Taxpayer C's money, and so on. At least a thousand taxpayers were affected by this "slipped unpostable" problem. My finding resulted in the closing of a metric crapload of lost payment cases.

This reminds me of an experience the father of a friend of mine had. This was due to computers in the Danish Bureau of Taxation not handling rounding very well. One fine day he received a letter from the Bureau of Taxation informing him that he had an outstanding tax of 0.00 Danish crowns, to be paid no later than the first of the following month. He shrugged and filed the letter vertically. (In Danish office lingo, the wastebasket is also fondly known as the vertical file.)

Two months later he received a very strong letter warning him that since he STILL had not paid his outstanding taxes of 0.00 crowns, now six weeks overdue, the Bureau of Taxation demanded that he pay within the next two weeks or face a ten percent additional tax as well as paperwork fees, and if he still refused, they would take him to court. For some reason, the local post office refused to let him send a money order for the Bureau of Taxation for the sum total of 0.00 crowns. So he called the Bureau of Taxation and asked them what he was supposed to do, or if he should just wait until the case went to court.

It took some fifteen minutes of panic on the other end to find the case and kill it. Apparently they were not very eager to present their end of the case to a judge.

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I know I'm posting it here, but at the same time, I'm wondering if there's a special place in mlooney's "list" for this:

 

 

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I'd imagine that the Caps should have that game well covered. At the very least, I'd ink them in to cover the spread.

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2 hours ago, Scotty said:

I know I'm posting it here, but at the same time, I'm wondering if there's a special place in mlooney's "list" for this:

 

 

/me has stated that visual puns count. 

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