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The Old Hack

Things you have no idea how to feel about

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I just informed my managers that I was resigning, last day at work to be Friday June 15.  It's really wierd.  I've worked here for 10 years, got involved in these forums because my job was working with no human contact in a computer lab. 

I hate endings.  The finality of closing the book on something big in my life really bugs me because I always feel like it's something taken away from me, leaving me with that much less.  It's so weird being the one to choose to end something big like this.

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7 hours ago, Vorlonagent said:

I hate endings.  The finality of closing the book on something big in my life really bugs me because I always feel like it's something taken away from me, leaving me with that much less.  It's so weird being the one to choose to end something big like this.

 
Out through the fields and the woods
   And over the walls I have wended;
I have climbed the hills of view
   And looked at the world, and descended;
I have come by the highway home,
   And lo, it is ended.
 
The leaves are all dead on the ground,
   Save those that the oak is keeping
To ravel them one by one
   And let them go scraping and creeping
Out over the crusted snow,
   When others are sleeping.
 
And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,
   No longer blown hither and thither;
The last lone aster is gone;
   The flowers of the witch hazel wither;
The heart is still aching to seek,
   But the feet question ‘Whither?’
 
Ah, when to the heart of man
   Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
   To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
   Of a love or a season?
 
Robert Frost, "Reluctance"

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On 5/11/2018 at 6:07 AM, Vorlonagent said:

I hate endings.

Endings lead to beginnings. No matter what.

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I've had three days of feeling just Bleh. I'm going read a bit and then maybe go for a walk, but to be honest going for a walk doesn't sound all that good. Need to remember to tell the shrink about this.

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A 10 mg adderall is good for about 6 hours. I doesn't seem to matter if that 6 hours starts before dawn or not.

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I am drained.  It was my last day at work.  I had a lot of anxiety about ending my time but no second thoughts if that made sense.  There was a lot of feeling about leaving and hating leaving but I never wondered if it was the right thing to do.  I knew and know it was.

I am reminded of other times when it wasn't my choice.  When Sierra Online closed their Oakhurst office hurt far worse.  They dropped it on us out of the blue one day.  That hurt worse.

I only intended to stay there till the economy got better.  Then I would go back to the game industry.  Game industry people are some of the best people I've worked with.  The economy never really got better and between my on-again, off-again resume, an undercurrent of ageism in the biz and the industry moving more toward, a "huge overtime followed by letting 3/4 of the staff go once the game ships" business model, I never tried my luck again.  I don't plan to now unless I'm writing my own indie game, which is not my first choice.  I need to rest my left brain.

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