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Illjwamh

This Day In History

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On January 14 in History:

83 BCE - Birth of Marcus Antonius, arguably the most famous Roman who never ruled Rome.

1131 - Valdemar I of Denmark is born. Or, if you prefer: Han, der må ikke navngives.

1236 - For the second time in under a century, a King Henry of England marries a woman named Eleanor from southern France. God dammit, Europe.

1343 - Arnošt of Pardubice becomes the last bishop of Prague. But, good news for him, he then becomes the first Archbishop of Prague!

1539 - Spain annexes Cuba. "We'll see about this!" says absolutely nobody.

1766 - Frederick V of Denmark, son of Christian VI, dies, and is succeeded by his son, named - you'll never guess - Christian VII. This would be funnier if you'd started reading this list at the bottom.

1814 - Frederick VI of Denmark trades Norway to Charles XIII of Sweden for Pomerania, a Babe Ruth rookie card, and a limited edition Aquaman action figure mint in the box.

1939 - Norway claims Queen Maud Land in Antarctica, figuring, "Eh, arctic circle, antarctic circle, what's the difference?"

1952 - NBC airs the first episode of "Today", though their choice of title will make it semantically difficult for viewers to ever discuss past or future episodes.

1967 - A bunch of hippies flock to California to Be In San Francisco for a day to complain about the man, listen to some music, and do a whole lot of LSD.

1972 - On the death of Frederick IX, Queen Margarethe II is the first Danish monarch since 1513 to not be named Frederick or Christian. She has a three year old son who becomes her heir. He is named Frederick.

2004 - Georgia reverts to its original kingdom flag after five hundred years once it realized all the flags it's been using since then are boring and stupid.

2011 - Zine El Abidine Ben Ali, the former Tunisian president, flees to Saudi Arabia after a bunch of protests and demonstrations demanding expanded rights, freedom, and democracy. I bet he overreacted; this movement probably won't gain any traction.

2016 - Alan Rickman greets Death as an old friend, and goes with him gladly, departing this world as equals.

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On 1/11/2019 at 11:15 AM, CritterKeeper said:

I may have mentioned here before, for many years on the internet newsgroups I frequented, there was a gentleman by the name of Brian Woodcock, whose signature file at the end of his messages read, "Yes, splinterlips, that *is* my real name!"

And I've driven through the intersection of Woodcock and Kitchen Dick.

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On January 15 in History:

69 - Otho takes power in Rome. Given that it's the Year of the Four Emperors, and it's January, I think we can all guess where this is going.

348 - Death of Chak Tok Ich'aak I, ruler of Tikal. Let's just call him Great Jaguar Paw.

1559 - Elizabeth I is crowned Queen of England. As long as she doesn't go on a murdering spree and let the King of Spain run the government, she'll do a better job than her predecessor.

1777 - New Connecticut declares its independence from New York, Great Britain, New Hampshire, and anyone else who might have a claim on them. Glad they didn't go with their other name idea, Green Mountain, or worse, something French.

1870 - The Democratic Party is for the first time depicted as a jackass in a political cartoon. Rather than getting all butthurt, the Dems just roll with it.

1889 - The Pemberton Medicine Company is incorporated in Atlanta to sell their medicine made from coca leaves and kola nuts. What exactly it's a medicine for is left ambiguous.

1919 - 21 people in Boston, MA drown in molasses. Don't even ask.

1929 - Birth of Martin Luther King Jr., who will only ever get to celebrate his birthday if it's on a Monday.

1965 - A band releases their first single. What band? The Who. The name of the band. The Who. The band that released the album! The Who! All right, let's come at this another way; what was the single? I Can't Explain. What? Why? No no, The Who. GAH!

1967 - The first Super Bowl is played in Los Angeles between Green Bay and Kansas City. Because that makes sense. I can't see it catching on.

1975 - Angola attains independence from Portugal. They don't get many of those; it's usually Britain or France or something.

2001 - Wikipedia goes online. Supposedly, anyway. I got that date from Wikipedia, and who knows if you can trust them.

2009 - Chesley Sullenberger and Jeffrey Skiles kill a bunch of geese and land a plane in the Hudson River, and are lauded as heroes. The world is a strange place.

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16 January

27 BC – Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus is granted the title Augustus by the Roman Senate, marking the beginning of the Roman Empire.  Members of the Senate who were so concerned about the erosion of the Senate's authority that they killed an earlier Gaius Julius Caesar now must watch as that Caesar's "Nephew" completes the transition to autocracy.

378 – General Siyaj K'ak' conquers Tikal, enlarging the domain of King Spearthrower Owl of Teotihuacán.  King Spearthrower Owl.  Why is he not a Comic Book?

550 – Gothic War: The Ostrogoths, under King Totila, conquer Rome after a long siege, by bribing the Isaurian garrison.  If your security rests on foreign mercenary guards, you might want to ask yourself what it is really worth for you to pay to guard it.

1412 – The Medici family is appointed official banker of the Papacy.  Over the next two centuries, four Medici will be elected Pope.  This is entirely coincidental.

1492 – The first grammar of a language more modern than Latin or Greek, the Spanish language (Gramática de la lengua castellana), is presented to Queen Isabella I.  This is an interesting linguistic exercise.  But you can't actually expect serious theological, philosophical, or legislative discussions and writings in the vernacular of commoners without High Church education.

1547 – Grand Duke Ivan IV of Muscovy becomes the first Tsar of Russia, replacing the 264-year-old Grand Duchy of Moscow with the Tsardom of Russia.  Embracing the title of Ivan the Terrible seems to have helped the Grand Prince silence the dissenters.

1605 – The first edition of El ingenioso hidalgo Don Quijote de la Mancha (Book One of Don Quixote) by Miguel de Cervantes is published in Madrid, Spain.  Popular thought classifies this as a work of fiction.  Discordians look at windmills and concede that they might be giants.

1707 – The Scottish Parliament ratifies the Act of Union, paving the way for the creation of Great Britain.  It must be Scotts frugality to ensure the best possible decision that could be made by the Scottish Parliament was also the worst possible decision that could be made by the Scottish Parliament.

1765 – Charles Messier catalogs M41, an open cluster 2300 light years from Earth in Canis Major.  This system has gone to the dogs.

1793 – French King Louis XVI sentenced to death by the National Convention during the French Revolution.  No one is surprised.

1883 – The Pendleton Civil Service Reform Act, establishing the United States Civil Service, is passed.  What's this about government jobs going to those who do best on competitive exams?  Job offers and promotions should be based on who you know.

1939Daily newspaper comic strip "Superman" debuts.  The earliest Superman stories had Clark Kent et al working for a newspaper called The Daily Star.  At that time, a lot of local newspapers in the United States had the word "Star" in their titles.  Most of these papers did not carry the Superman comic strip.  To avoid the appearance that the Man of Steel was working for their competitors, the name of the paper in the strip was changed to The Daily Planet.

1981 – Boxer Leon Spinks is mugged, his assailants even take his gold teeth.  Please don't think this is in anyway condoning crime or violence, but the kind of courage and insanity needed to mug a heavyweight boxing champion is rare commodity in the human spirit.

2001 – By act of Congress, US President Bill Clinton awards former President Theodore Roosevelt a posthumous Medal of Honor for his service in the Spanish–American War.  Teddy Roosevelt was the living embodiment of American confidence to the point of arrogance that would define the twentieth century.  He was one of the earliest recipients of the Nobel Peace Prize for negotiating the end of the Russo-Japanese War.  And the protection of public lands as National Parks would have been an afterthought if not for his leadership.  Does a century old posthumous presentation of America's highest military decoration for valor enhance the former President's reputation? Will it increase the value of that decoration by association to the other Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, Airmen, and Coastguardsmen so honored?

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On 14/01/2019 at 4:18 AM, ProfessorTomoe said:

Back when I worked at 3D Realms, a bird got into our offices. Yours truly captured said bird with the aid of the ceiling and a cardboard box. We took it outside and let it go.

I don't actually remember a cardboard box being among Lo Wang's weapons. *scratches head*

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17 January

38 BC – Octavian divorces his wife Scribonia and marries Livia Drusilla, ending the fragile peace between the Second Triumvirate and Sextus Pompey.  Divorce is so often uncivil.  But rarely does it lead to actual civil war.

1377 – Pope Gregory XI moves the Papacy back to Rome from Avignon.  It is rather difficult to be the Bishop of Rome when you are over four hundred miles from the Vatican.

1706 – Birth of Benjamin Franklin, American publisher, inventor, and politician.  In case you haven't heard of him, the man invented the Lightning Rod, Bifocals, and the United States of America.  All while playing with kites in thunderstorms.

1885 – A British force defeats a large Dervish army at the Battle of Abu Klea.  The Dervish were defeated?  That will send Sudan whirling.

1893 – Lorrin A. Thurston, along with the Citizens' Committee of Public Safety, led the Overthrow of the Kingdom of Hawaii and the government of Queen Liliʻuokalani.  The members of The Citizen's Committee were mostly non-native Hawaiians of American or European descent who were all also members of a group known as the Annexation Club.  I wonder if they had some sort of political agenda beyond public safety? 

1929 – Popeye the Sailor Man, a cartoon character created by E. C. Segar, first appears in the Thimble Theatre comic strip.  Children finally have a reason to finnich their spinach.

1961 – U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower delivers a televised farewell address to the nation three days before leaving office, in which he warns against the accumulation of power by the "military–industrial complex" as well as the dangers of massive spending, especially deficit spending.  Americans of every political alignment acknowledge the warning, and then increase the military-industrial complex through massive deficit spending.

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Also: January 17

1922 - Birth of actress and comedienne Betty White. Even at the age of 97, is still very active in the industry and loved soo much that every time her name trends on twitter, people panic.

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2 hours ago, Scotty said:

and loved soo much 

Except among veterinarians -- the woman was the public face of an ad campaign that drilled into peoples' heads that taking their dog to the vet is a huge hassle and should be avoided whenever possible.  The dogs mostly love getting to go in the car, saying hi to lots of nice people, getting petted (albeit in strange ways sometimes), and getting treats from the nice people.  Shots are barely worth registering for most dogs.  But no, taking your dog to see their vet is awful and you should avoid them!  Just buy your pet's medications online, supporting a massive corporation instead of your vet, and yet expect the vet's prices to stay ridiculously low compared to human medicine for everything else when a health problem (that's been brewing for months and might have been diagnosed sooner if you'd brought them in) becomes an emergency and suddenly you realize you do need your local veterinarian....

Sorry.  Bit of a sore spot.  She may be a very nice lady, but the very thought of her is forever poisoned by her being in those commercials.

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19 minutes ago, CritterKeeper said:

Except among veterinarians -- the woman was the public face of an ad campaign that drilled into peoples' heads that taking their dog to the vet is a huge hassle and should be avoided whenever possible.  The dogs mostly love getting to go in the car, saying hi to lots of nice people, getting petted (albeit in strange ways sometimes), and getting treats from the nice people.  Shots are barely worth registering for most dogs.  But no, taking your dog to see their vet is awful and you should avoid them!  Just buy your pet's medications online, supporting a massive corporation instead of your vet, and yet expect the vet's prices to stay ridiculously low compared to human medicine for everything else when a health problem (that's been brewing for months and might have been diagnosed sooner if you'd brought them in) becomes an emergency and suddenly you realize you do need your local veterinarian....

Sorry.  Bit of a sore spot.  She may be a very nice lady, but the very thought of her is forever poisoned by her being in those commercials.

I was not aware of that.

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7 hours ago, CritterKeeper said:

Sorry.  Bit of a sore spot.  She may be a very nice lady, but the very thought of her is forever poisoned by her being in those commercials.

...this sounds like a really, really bad idea to me. I am NOT confident in my ability to accurately spot what might be wrong with a cat or a dog. Back when they were alive my kitties tended to be mostly happy and healthy, but whenever they did look like they had some kind of problem I promptly took them to the vet. And while it could be a little pricey I felt so much better knowing that I had had a professional look after their health.

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7 hours ago, CritterKeeper said:

Except among veterinarians -- the woman was the public face of an ad campaign that drilled into peoples' heads that taking their dog to the vet is a huge hassle and should be avoided whenever possible.  The dogs mostly love getting to go in the car, saying hi to lots of nice people, getting petted (albeit in strange ways sometimes), and getting treats from the nice people.  Shots are barely worth registering for most dogs.  But no, taking your dog to see their vet is awful and you should avoid them!  Just buy your pet's medications online, supporting a massive corporation instead of your vet, and yet expect the vet's prices to stay ridiculously low compared to human medicine for everything else when a health problem (that's been brewing for months and might have been diagnosed sooner if you'd brought them in) becomes an emergency and suddenly you realize you do need your local veterinarian....

Sorry.  Bit of a sore spot.  She may be a very nice lady, but the very thought of her is forever poisoned by her being in those commercials.

My cat is remarkably calm when going to see our vet--he does not complain or struggle at all, even when getting stuck with needles, and he has almost no problem with going into the pet carrier.

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On January 18 in History:

350 - Magnentius deposes Constans and declares himself Roman Emperor. I'm sure nothing similar will ever happen to him.

532 - The Nika riots end when Justinian reminds the Blues that he'd always been one of them. When the time came, the Blues just walked out and the Greens were all, "Oh, shit" and then soldiers killed them. By the way, when I say "reminds", I mean he also gave them a lot of gold.

1213 - Death of Tamar the Great, King of Georgia. The title was to make casual observers think she had a legitimate right to rule (read: "penis"). Georgia will never fully recover.

1486 - Henry VII marries Elizabeth of York, uniting the houses of Lancaster and York and symbolically ending the Wars of the Roses. Now to go about murdering everyone with even a drop of Plantagenet blood so this can never happen again.

1535 - Gabriel Moreira Romaní founds the city of Lima. Francisco Pizarro will take credit. He's good at taking other people's things.

1778 - James Cook discovers Hawaii, which he calls the Sandwich Islands. The Hawaiians say, "Um, hey, they already have names," and his crew says, "No more naming stuff when you're hungry, Captain."

1967 - The Boston Strangler is sentenced to life in prison after being convicted of numerous crimes, roughly half of which involved strangling people after he'd done the other half.

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19 hours ago, ijuin said:

My cat is remarkably calm when going to see our vet--he does not complain or struggle at all, even when getting stuck with needles, and he has almost no problem with going into the pet carrier.

Our cat had no problems with "the vet"... it was the "going to", i.e. getting the critter into the carrier and retaining our hearing and sanity while he yowled his demands to be let out, that was the problem.

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19 January

379 – Emperor Gratian elevates Flavius Theodosius at Sirmium to Augustus, and gives him authority over all the eastern provinces of the Roman Empire.  Eventually he would take control of the entire Empire.  And in an attempt to solidify Christianity, he would disband the Vestal Virgins, give tacit approval to the destruction of the ancient Greek and Roman temples, and effectively end the Ancient Olympic Games.  Some call him Theodosius the Great.  No one calls him Theodosius the Historical Preservationist.

1764 – The world's first mail bomb severely injures the Danish Colonel Poulsen, residing at Børglum Abbey.  This land gave us Vikings who raided the world with speed and style.  This is also the land where Prince Hamlet brought death to everyone around him while he debated how to avenge his father.  Now this is the land where a terrorist with little more than black powder and stamps can send a bomb off to blow up who ever happens to open it?

1829 – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's Faust: The First Part of the Tragedy receives its premiere performance.  What kind of deal did he need to make to present a story like that?

1866 – Birth of Harry Davenport.  The American stage and film actor, NOT the sofa where the cats sleep.

1935 – During a blizzard, Coopers Inc. sells the world's first men's briefs, the "Maccky",  at Marshal Field's in Chicago.  Eventually the briefs as well as the company would come to be called "Jockey".  Thus begins the default none-of-your-business question for men's wear.  Boxers or Briefs? 

1940 – You Nazty Spy!, the very first Hollywood film of any kind to satirize Adolf Hitler and the Nazis premieres, starring The Three Stooges, with Moe Howard as the character "Moe Hailstone" satirizing Hitler.  Charlie Chaplin had finished filming The Great Dictator several months earlier, but it had not yet been released.  Sorry Charlie.

1955 "Scrabble" debuts on board game market.  Speaking of which, there will be a SYZYGY (21 to 93 points depending on multiplier squares), a Total Lunar Eclipse, visible over North and South America and much of Western Europe late on January 20 or early on January 21, 2019 depending on your specific location.

1977 – President Gerald Ford pardons Iva Toguri D'Aquino (a.k.a. "Tokyo Rose").  The initial investigation by the FBI after the war determined that there was no case to be made against her.  But when she wanted to return to the US, a jingoistic radio personality (Walter Winchell) got a conservative patriotic base (the American Legion) angry enough to demand action.  Prosecutors needed to coach witnesses to give false testimony to secure her "treason" conviction.  Fortunately, radio personalities don't have that kind of influence anymore.

1977 – Snow falls in Miami, Florida. This is the only time in the history of the city that snowfall has occurred. It also fell in the Bahamas.  So if you happen to see any white powdery substance in Miami, it is probably not snow.

1983 – Nazi war criminal Klaus Barbie is arrested in Bolivia.  War Crimes Barbie is the worst selling action figure in the history of dolls.

2007 – Four-man Team N2i, using only skis and kites, completes a 1,093-mile (1,759 km) trek to reach the Antarctic pole of inaccessibility for the first time since 1965 and for the first time ever without mechanical assistance.  Flying kites to reach the most inland point in Antarctica?  That is even more shocking than using a kite to attract lightning.  Ben Franklin would be impressed.

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On January 20 in History:

250 - Roman Emperor Decius has had enough of these Christians and their nonsense.

1265 - English Parliament, for the first time, allows representatives from prominent towns to participate along with the Lords. I tell you, this whole kingdom is going completely mad.

1649 - Charles I of England is tried for treason. In a related note, the word "treason" is redefined.

1783 - Great Britain signs a peace treaty with a group of rebellious former colonies, officially recognizing their independence. Awesome! Wow!

2009 - Barack Obama is inaugurated as the 44th president of the United States, officially ending racism forever. Huzzah!

2017 - Donald TrAAAAAAA! AAAAA! AA! AA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!-ident of the United States.

2018 - In what surely must be the world's most amusing coincidence, the United States Government shuts down.

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12 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1649 - Charles I of England is tried for treason. In a related note, the word "treason" is redefined.

 

Indeed, it is only thanks to England's adoption of the Magna Carta and other traditions which create a clear distinction between "the Crown" (i.e. the office of Monarch) and the head which wears it, that allows such a thing. An absolutist viewpoint (e.g. Louis XIV's "L'etat c'est moi") would say that "treason" is the undermining of or rebellion against the King Himself, whereas the viewpoint used by most Constitutional governments says that "treason" is action against the nation as a whole rather than simply against the leader(s).

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16 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1783 - Great Britain signs a peace treaty with a group of rebellious former colonies, officially recognizing their independence. Awesome! Wow!

The year, or even number, 1783, always makes me think of this scene:

I do love that movie!  Always watch the extended version, with Rachel's scenes, whenever possible. :-)

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On Jan. 21 in history:

1525 – A bunch of Swiss guys baptize each other, reasoning that a baby cannot consciously accept any religious doctrine and therefore baptizing them is pointless. These so-called Anabaptists are thus making the fatal mistake of bringing logic to a faith fight.

1789 - The first American novel, titled The Power of Sympathy: or, the Triumph of Nature Founded in Truth, is published. It is notable for being the first American novel.

1793 - Louis XVI of France ceases to be the French head of state - or head of anything, if you catch my meaning.

1801 – Australian explorer John Batman is born. John. Batman. That is all.

1861 - Future Confederate general and eventual president Jefferson Davis resigns from the United States senate, saying, "Look, this is an opportunity that I've just got to take."

1911 - The Monte Carlo Rally takes place for the first time. 23 cars participate, reaching blistering speeds of up to 13 miles per hour.

1919 – The Irish Republic declares independence, perhaps banking on the British being too tired of war to do anything about it. If so, they sorely miscalculated.

1919 again – Death of Gojong, the first Emperor of Korea. He outlived the empire he founded by eight and a half years. That's got to be a little embarrassing.

1924 – English performer Benny Hill is born. He is immediately dropped onto a freshly waxed floor and slides out the door, pursued by numerous doctors, nurses, and orderlies as he slides around the hallway causing various hijinx to ensue.

1924 again – Vladimir Lenin dies, though you wouldn't know it from looking at him today.

1950 – George Orwell dies mercifully before having to see all of his worst fears come to pass.

1953 - Paul Allen is born. He would like to point out to everyone that he got the idea for this and successfully pulled it off a full two and a half years before Bill Gates.

1981 - The DeLorean DMC-12 begins production. Good thing too, because a time machine made out of a Honda Accord looks stupid.

1997 - The U.S. House of Representatives votes overwhelmingly to scold Speaker Newt Gingrich for being very naughty.

2017 – The first annual Women's March takes place in over 400 cities in the U.S. alone and over 160 countries around the world. It is also Donald Trump's first full day in office as president. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

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22 January

1561 – Birth of Francis Bacon, English philosopher and politician, Attorney General for England and Wales.  Now he can start writing Shakespeare's plays. 

1584Parts of Switzerland adopt Gregorian calendar.  Other parts would not convert until 1812.  Is this an exercise in neutrality by keeping two calendars?  Or is the Swiss calendar full of holes to emulate the Swiss Cheese?

1689 – The Convention Parliament convenes to determine whether James II and VII, the last Roman Catholic monarch of England, Ireland and Scotland, had vacated the thrones of England and Ireland when he fled to France in 1688.  Short answer?  Yes.

1879 – The Anglo-Zulu War.  The Battle of Isandlwana results in a British defeat.  Meanwhile,  71km away from Isandlwana, the Battle of Rorke's Drift results in a British victory and the 1964 Cinema classic, Zulu.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSEU5zHgcTc

1901 – Death of Queen Victoria after a reign of over 63 years.  Edward VII is proclaimed King beginning an unstable period of four British Kings in just half a century.  A steady presence on the throne would not be restored until Victoria's great-great-granddaughter ascended to the crown fifty one years later.

1934 – Birth of Bill Bixby, American actor and director.  Don't make him angry.  You wouldn't like him when he's angry.

1946 – Creation of the Central Intelligence Group, forerunner of the Central Intelligence Agency.  Additional commentary classified.

1957 – The New York City "Mad Bomber", George P. Metesky, is arrested in Waterbury, Connecticut and charged with planting more than 30 bombs.  A bit of  perspective, random violence will not "teach a lesson" to the bureaucrats and lawyers who deny to you what you claim you are due.  Even if you scare away or hurt one, they reproduce like Tribbles and many more will fill any vacancy.

1959 – Birth of Linda Blair, American actress.  Don't feed her Pea Soup.  You wouldn't like her eating Pea Soup.

1968 – Operation Igloo White, a US electronic surveillance system to stop communist infiltration into South Vietnam begins installation. Because nothing is more covert than a white igloo in the jungles of South East Asia.

1973 – The Supreme Court of the United States delivers its decisions in Roe v. Wade and Doe v. Bolton, legalizing elective abortion in all fifty states.  Ok, that's settled.  Now we can get on with the other issues facing the nation.

1984 – Super Bowl XVIII.  During the third quarter, a commercial is broadcast across America for the first time.  This would also be the last time the manufacturer would pay to have this commercial aired https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zfqw8nhUwA 

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23 January

393 – Roman Emperor Theodosius I proclaims his eight-year-old son Honorius co-emperor.  We still respect the ideals of the Roman Republic and the Roman Senate.  The office of Emperor is not hereditary.  I'm declaring my eight year old son to be co-emperor because he is better qualified for the job than any of the available politicians.

971 – Using crossbows, Song dynasty troops soundly defeat a war elephant corps of the Southern Han at Shao.  After Hannibal failed to defeat Rome with elephants, even after crossing the Alps, one would have thought word would have gotten out that pachyderm cavalry is not as effective as advertised.

1570 – James Stewart, 1st Earl of Moray, regent for the infant King James VI of Scotland, is assassinated by firearm, the first recorded instance of such.  Scotland, you are so rarely first in anything not involving bagpipes or thistles.  Why did you have to be first in this sport?

1571 – The Royal Exchange opens in London.  I was offered a trade of three Viscounts and a second round pick in the next Monty Python draft for an Earl, two Lairds, and a Spice Girl to be named later.  The deal fell apart when I refused to give up any Python draft picks.

1795 – After an extraordinary charge across the frozen Zuiderzee, the French cavalry captured 14 Dutch ships and 850 guns, in a rare occurrence of a battle between ships and cavalry.  Training cavalry for naval engagements would lead to the sport of Water Polo.

1909 – RMS Republic, a passenger ship of the White Star Line, becomes the first ship to use the CQD ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ distress signal after colliding with another ship, the SS Florida, off the Massachusetts coastline, an event that kills six people. The Republic sinks the next day.  A bit of advice for White Star, it would probably be a good idea to make sure all your ships are familiar with radio distress signals.  No particular reason.

1941 – Charles Lindbergh testifies before the U.S. Congress and recommends that the United States negotiate a neutrality pact with Adolf Hitler.  The man who proved to the average American that America was not an isolated and unreachable island was himself the greatest advocate of American Isolationism.

1957 – American inventor Walter Frederick Morrison sells the rights to his flying disc to the Wham-O toy company, which later renames it the "Frisbee".  Dogs and Hippies have never been closer.

2003 – From 80 AU away, a very weak signal from Pioneer 10 is detected for the last time, but no usable data can be extracted.  With the radio no longer working, whoever finds the probe will have only the plaque to let them know who sent it.  Little naked humans serving huge machines.

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On January 24 in History:

41 - Emperor Gaius, also known as Caligula ("little boot") is assassinated by his own bodyguards. Can't imagine what he might have done to piss them off.

76 - Birth of future Roman emperor Hadrian. He will be best known for the construction of an elaborate border wall that is more a symbol of power than an actual effective means of keeping people in or out.

1458 - Matthias Corvinus becomes one of if not the only King of Hungary that anyone not from Hungary has ever heard of.

1758 - Königsberg submits to Elizabeth of Russia and forms Russian Prussia, which is frustratingly almost impossible to form a portmanteau name for.

1848 - James Marshall finds gold at Sutter's Mill near Sacramento. Nobody overreacts.

1918 - Russia adopts the calendar that the rest of the Christian world (and even most of the rest of the world by now) has been using for centuries. Beats that time they were late to the Julian calendar bandwagon by a millennium and a half.

1933 - The U.S. government decides that a four month lame duck period for elected officials is ludicrous, and so reduces it to two and a half. Much more reasonable.

1942 - The allies bombard Bangkok, leading Thailand to join WWII on the axis side, because everyone else is playing, so why not?

1943 - FDR and Churchill have a conference in Casablanca. It is the continuation of a beautiful friendship.

1965 - Winston Churchill dies after over 90 years of heavy smoking and drinking. When he says he'll never surrender, he freaking means it.

1970 - Matthew Lillard is born. That's right; the guy from Scream who played Shaggy in the Scooby Doo movies is only a year shy of 50 years old. You may commence weeping for your mortality.

1972 - Yokoi Shōichi, a Japanese sergeant, is found hiding in the jungles of Guam. He'd been aware the war was over since 1952, but was afraid of the disgrace of being captured. There's something to be said for devotion to duty, but there's also something to be said for "Fuck it; I'm going home."

1983 - Continuing our series on nominal determinism, today marks the birth of the most appropriately named race car driver of all time, Scott Speed.

1986 - L. Ron Hubbard's soul returns to the Galactic Federation of Xenu, or whatever the hell is supposed to happen, I don't know.

2003 - The U.S. Department of Homeland Security is created. Oh, you mean the Dept. of Defense? No, it's different. Like, the Interior? No, it's different. Dept. of Justice? It's DIFFERENT!

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On January 25 in history:

1533 - Henry VIII of England marries Anne Boleyn. They live happily ever after.

1573 - Takeda Shingen, the most powerful warlord in Japan, defeats a vastly outnumbered force led by Tokugawa Ieyasu and his ally Oda Nobunaga - two young upstarts who will likely never be heard from again.

1858 - Queen Victoria's daughter, Victoria, gets married. No one is ever able to choose from a selection of bridal processionals again.

1924 - The Winter Olympic Games are held for the first time, after the last two attempts prompted people to realize that holding skiing, ice hockey, and ice skating events in the middle of summer was dumb.

1942 - Thailand declares war on the U.S. and the U.K. because why the hell not? And before you say anything: Time Zones.

1996 - A man named Billy Bailey is hanged in the United States. This may not seem noteworthy until one remembers that it is 1996 and a man was just hanged in the United States. Last time, we swear.

2011 - The Egyptian Revolution begins across the country. Its biggest consequence will be the lasting impact on the nation's tourist industry.

2017 - John Hurt dies. No alien life forms are involved. That we know of.

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