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Illjwamh

This Day In History

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3 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

583 - King Kan B'alam I of Palenque dies. Who was ruling Sweden at this time? Or Denmark, or half a dozen other places in Europe?

I popped into my PANTARDIS to find out who ruled Denmark at the time. Turns out it was me. I arrived just before the coronation and accidentally squashed the about-to-be-King flat. Seems like nobody liked the guy that much anyway so they drafted me as a replacement. That turned into a big mess and it took me months before I could find a better replacement so I could make my escape.

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On 1/31/2019 at 0:36 AM, Illjwamh said:

On January 30 in history:

1835 - Andrew Jackson survives an assassination attempt by self-styled King Richard III of England (actually a local D.C. painter Richard Lawrence). Both his would-be killer's pistols misfired, and the president proceeded to beat the living hell out of his assailant with his hickory cane until a crowd including Davy Crockett pulled him off. I can't make this stuff up.

Ah, see, I knew for Norton I to be Emperor, there would have to be at least one or two other monarchs for him to  rule over!

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1969 - The Beatles play a concert on top of Apple Records, which is broken up by police. Police who, one can only guess, hate fun.

Was the later U2 version really shut down too, or was that just a tribute to the Beatles?  I'm thinking tribute but it's been a while and the memories haven't been reinforced in a while.

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2003 - Richard Reid is sentenced to life in prison for the crime of making everyone have to take their shoes off at airport security.

And at least a couple of commedians quipped that it was a good thing he hadn't been an Underwear Bomber....little did they know!

20 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

On February 1 in History:

1329 - King John of Bohemia captures the fortress of Medvėgalis in the still pagan Grand Duchy of Lithuania. He then baptizes all 6,000 defenders, who must surely be confused about why this strange foreign invader went through so much trouble just to give them a bath. Oh well, he's gone now; best get back to business. Those gods aren't going to worship themselves.

What a Scandal!

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1884 - The first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary is published, covering words from A to Ant. ...We've got a long way to go.

Ah, yes, the dictionary that added "dalek" when I was a kid, providing more ammunition to my argument that Doctor Who is to England/UK what Superman is to America.  Everyone has a general idea what you mean if you say the word "kryptonite" don't they?

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2003 - The space shuttle Columbia comes apart during reentry, killing all aboard. I will continue my tradition of not making light of these types of incidents, though I'm not sure what it says about me that I still thought of some good ones.

It says you're human -- believe me, there were some pretty awful jokes going around after Challenger and Columbia both, just whispered and guiltily snickered at while groaning and wincing.  This was, of course, pre-social media; I shudder to think what posts and memes will result from the next tragedy.

 

They say we're young, and we don't know; we won't find out until we grow.

On February 2 in History...

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On February 3 in History:

6 - Emperor Ping of Han is "allegedly" poisoned by his regent, Wang Mang, presumably since at age 14, he was near old enough to take control of the government himself, and then perhaps avenge all the relatives and officials that Wang had murdered. A prudent move by Wang, all things considered.

456 - Sihyaj Chan K'awiil II, ruler of Tikal, dies. I will never stop including these, as I will never get over how amazing it is that we know about it.

639 - K'inich Yo'nal Ahk I, ruler of Yo'k'ib', dies. See above.

929 - Some Guy dies in Tuscany. No, really, his name is just "Guy". He was the margrave; you'd think he could afford a surname or a sobriquet or something.

1377 - During the War of the Eight Saints, Papal troops slaughter over 2,000 inhabitants of the town of Cesena. For Jesus! Or something.

1399 - Death of John of Gaunt. Great; he was basically the only thing holding England together; now everything's going to go to hell.

1451 - Mehmed II becomes Ottoman Sultan. A chill passes through the citizens of Constantinople, though they are unsure why.

1488 - Bartolomeu Dias is the first European to sail around the southern tip of Africa. He doesn't even realize it, as he's out of sight of land at the time. That's gotta be like recording your baby's first steps and then noticing you'd left the lens cap on.

1509 - The Portuguese navy defeats a combined fleet from Gujarat, Calicut, and the Mamluks (and supported by Venice, Ragusa, and the Ottomans) all on its lonesome in the Battle of Diu to take control of trade in the Indian Ocean. This is kind of like Batman defeating the entire Justice Leage, which we all know is possible, so why am I even talking about it?

1706 - Sweden defeats a larger combined force of Russians, Poles, and Saxons at the Battle of Fraustadt using a strategy made famous 2,000 years ago by Alexander the Great and Hannibal Barca. They kind of had it coming if they fell for that.

1824 - Ranald MacDonald is born in what will one day be Astoria, Oregon. In addition to having a name amusingly similar to a corporate clown mascot, I feel a kinship with him, as he is the originator of my profession, being the first native English speaker to teach the language in Japan.

1870 - The U.S. ratifies the Fifteenth Amendment, granting the vote to men of any race. Not women, though; that'd be silly.

1924 - Woodrow Wilson "dies". This despite his wife and a few close confidants playing Weekend at Bernie's for at least the last six years, at least two of which while he was president.

1959 - Musicians Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and J. P. "The Big Bopper" Richardson are killed in a plane crash. And in the streets the children screamed. The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed, but not a word was spoken; the church bells all were broken.

1976 - Isla Fisher is born. Or, as she is known to those outside her own fanbase, "Not Amy Adams".

2014 - Russia's very first school shooting, involving two deaths, an injury, and 29 hostages takes place in Moscow. Among the usual scapegoats like violent video games and lack of creative outlets, exposure to American culture is also blamed. Kinda feel like they've got us on that one.

...Evidently when the music died, it took a lot of people with it.

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On February 4 in History:

211 - Septimius Severus dies in Eboracum (York) while on campaign against the Caledonians (people from Caledonia (Alba (Scotland))). He leaves the empire to his two sons, Caracalla and Geta, who hate each other. This is not a good idea.

960 - Coronation of Emperor Taizu of Song, beginning the Song dynasty that will rule China for over 300 years. If yesterday was the day the music died, is today the day it was born? ...I'll see myself out.

1555 - John Rogers is the first Protestant burnt at the stake by Queen Mary of England. He won't be the last. Bloody Mary? More like Burny Mary.

1677 - Johann Bach is born. No, not him; the other one. Ludwig.

1789 - The U.S. Electoral College unanimously elects George Washington to the presidency. Well, that went off without a hitch. What an ingenious system we have devised.

1820 - After just two days, Lord Cochrane of the Chilean navy captures the city of Valdivia, the most heavily fortified place in South America, with just two ships and 300 men. It's 200 years later and I can feel the Spanish humiliation from here.

1861 - Six states team up to form a Confederacy in order to fight the team-up of states they just broke away from.

1948 - Ceylon (Sri Lanka) becomes independent of the United Kingdom. Likely they plead their case with, "You let India and Pakistan do it!"

1992 - A coup attempt by a dissatisfied military officer against Carlos Andrés Pérez fails. Ha! It'll be a cold day in Hell when Hugo Chávez rules Venezuela.

2003 - Given that there isn't much left of it anymore, Yugoslavia adopts a new constitution which essentially boils down to Serbia and Montenegro agreeing to hang out.

2004 - Some social networking site is launched. Something about books, or faces, I dunno. I doubt it'll take off.

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On February 5 in History:

62 - The towns of Pompeii and Herculaneum are struck by an earthquake. Though both towns suffer major damage, they are able to recover and repair. Talk about dodging a bullet.

1597 - 26 Christians are crucified in Japan on the order of the shogun, Hideyoshi. Several Roman emperors find this darkly amusing.

1852 - The Hermitage Museum opens to the public in St. Petersburg, because the Louvre can suck it.

1885 - Leopold II of Belgium goes into the jungle in Africa, into an area larger than Western Europe, and says, "This is mine, now." Not Belgium's; his. Everyone else just sort of lets him do this. He calls it the Congo Free State because he got it for free.

1917 - Mexico adopts its current constitution, which establishes a federal republic of united sovereign states, with powers divided into Administrative, Legislative, and Judicial branches. Now where have I heard that one before? It's on the tip of my tongue, I swear...

1945 - "Told you." ~Gen. Douglas MacArthur

1971 - Alan Shepard goes golfing. ON THE MOON. He's on the MOON, people! How is it we don't memorize the names in school of every person who's ever done this?

1985 - The mayors of Rome and Carthage meet to sign a treaty of friendship, thereby officially ending the Third Punic War. Better late than never?

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15 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1789 - The U.S. Electoral College unanimously elects George Washington to the presidency. Well, that went off without a hitch. What an ingenious system we have devised.

I am sure it will never ever allow a fanatical religious elite to oppress and persecute people basing its arguments solely on bigotry and false interpretations of the Bible.

15 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1861 - Six states team up to form a Confederacy in order to fight the team-up of states they just broke away from.

We must defend our right to keep slaves! FOR FREEDOM!

12 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1945 - "Told you." ~Gen. Douglas MacArthur

"That was actually not a bad line. It just needs to be reworked a little. Maybe made to sound a bit more colloquial." ~Arnold Schwarzenegger

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21 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1597 - 26 Christians are crucified in Japan on the order of the shogun, Hideyoshi. Several Roman emperors find this darkly amusing.

A note on why Japan was so fanatically anti-Christian in those days: Under Shinto (the Japanese state religion up until WWII), the legitimacy of the Emperor (and the Imperial bloodline) to rule was based on the assumption that the Imperial Family were blood descendants of Amaterasu, the Shinto solar goddess. Thus, any religion that would call the Shinto gods false gods is directly undermining the legitimacy of the royal family (and by implication, anybody in government who is appointed by the royals).

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On 2/4/2019 at 10:52 PM, Illjwamh said:

960 - Coronation of Emperor Taizu of Song, beginning the Song dynasty that will rule China for over 300 years. If yesterday was the day the music died, is today the day it was born? ...I'll see myself out.

Check around for any prominent graffiti that translates to "Hello, Sweetie!"

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1789 - The U.S. Electoral College unanimously elects George Washington to the presidency. Well, that went off without a hitch. What an ingenious system we have devised.

What many people don't understand, or don't want to believe, is that the Founding Fathers were afraid of too much democracy.  It's the old saw about three wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for lunch.  The Tyrrany of the Majority.  The Electoral College was meant to make the choice one step removed from the popular vote.  Instead of voting directly for a candidate, we are supposed to vote for someone we admire and trust and think will make a good choice, and then let them decide who to actually vote for.  The whole idea of a delegate promising to vote for one specific candidate and no one else is bringing the system back to the popular vote pretty much electing the winner directly, with a little bit of a slant in a couple of ways.  Far too much power in the hands of the uneducated masses.

I'm not sure how they would want things done if they were magically transported to the modern age, with its near-instant communication and fairly accurate polls, its sound-bite advertising and short attention spans.  The current literacy rate is so close to 100% that they probably would consider it universal, and television, radio, and internet enable everyone to have access to vast amounts of information, but also exposes everyone to vast amounts of misinformation, with very little education in how to judge which of it is accurate, whose arguments are full of fallacies and whose are to the point and logical, how to tell if claims are backed up by truth or were pulled from someone's nether regions.  There are plenty of books and videos out there about such things, but they get lost in the sea of crap.

Maybe they would think there should be no pledged delegates, and candidates should be forbidden from promising to vote for someone in particular.  Or maybe they would say, get rid of the Electoral College, the masses are smart enough and educated enough to make a much better decision than our masses would have been.  Maybe they'd think that low voter turn-out was a good thing, people who didn't care enough or feel they knew enough to vote selecting themselves out of the process (quite likely with the mindset and attitudes of their day and age), or maybe they'd say the countries with mandatory voting have the right idea and everyone should vote in every election (which would also require everyone having the chance to vote, with either guaranteed time off of work, or a wide variety of ways to vote available over a long enough period of time that everyone really would be guaranteed a chance.

It's an interesting intellectual exercise, but there's no real way to know, as scholars who have spent their whole careers studying the writings of the Founding Fathers disagree about what they would have thought or intended.

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1948 - Ceylon (Sri Lanka) becomes independent of the United Kingdom. Likely they plead their case with, "You let India and Pakistan do it!"

I'm now picturing a Scandinavia and the World comic with UK having a bunch of foster/adopted kids running around, some of them teenagers wanting their own car and telling England "You're not my real father!!!"

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On February 6 in History:

1685 - James II & VII of England and Scotland, respectively, becomes king(s). He's Catholic, so we're doin' this again.

1755 - Future U.S. Vice President and Hamilton-killer Aaron Burr is born.

1778 - France officially recognizes the United States. This is done mostly to troll Great Britain, but we'll take it.

1895 - George Herman Ruth Jr. is born. I'm going to deliberately refuse to make the obvious pun, knowing that it will gnaw at you for the rest of the day. Mwahahaha!

1918 - British women over 30 who own a certain amount of property are now able to vote. This had to be rushed through to make sure they beat the Americans to it; that would have been embarrassing.

1945 - Bob Marley wakes up and lives. A doctor spanks him and admonishes, "No, baby. No cry."

1952 - Elizabeth II becomes Queen of the United Kingdom, and a bunch of other places. Rumor has it she also unlocked the crown's ancient secret to immortality, but that remains to be seen.

1966 - Another celebrity is born, and there's a video that explains it better than I could:

https://tinyurl.com/Feb-6-Video

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On February 7 in History:

574 - Prince Shōtoku, and subsequently the nation and culture of Japan as we know it, is born. Even the weird stuff? Especially the weird stuff.

1102 - Matilda, Holy Roman Empress, rightful trueborn ruler of England, and ancestor of all subsequent English and British monarchs, is born. Suck it, Stephen! I'll die on this hill!

1301 - In a symbolic show of total English domination, Edward I of England's son Edward is made Prince of Wales, the first Englishman to hold the title. "You just wait." ~The Tudors

1819 - After taking over Singapore, Sir Thomas Stamford Raffles says, "I don't even want it anymore," and leaves.

1863 - The HMS Orpheus sinks off the coast of Auckland, New Zealand. The HMS Eurydice had "accidentally" looked at it before it was safely in port.

1962 - The U.S. tells Cuba, "We don't want your stuff anymore, and you can't have any of ours."

1979 - Pluto moves inside Neptune's orbit, thus making all extant models of the Solar System inaccurate. Rather than remaking anything, everyone just figures, "Eh, we'll just wait for it to move back again."

1991 - Haiti's first democratically elected president, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, is sworn in. Better late than never for the second nation in the Western Hemisphere to declare independence from Europe.

1991 again - Members of the Provisional IRA launch a mortar attack at 10 Downing Street in an attempt to assassinate Prime Minister John Major and his war cabinet. It is unclear how they thought this would help their situation.

1997 - NeXT Merges with Apple, and Steve Jobs achieves his true form.

2013 - Mississippi officially certifies their ratification of the 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery. It should be noted that they actually already had ratified the amendment, but had forgotten to file the paperwork. In 1995.

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On February 8 in History:

1238 - The Mongols of the Golden Horde under Batu Kkan burn Vladimir. The city, not a dude. Though odds are high at least one guy in there was named Vladimir. Eugh.

1405 - Future last Byzantine emperor Constantine XI is born. Wait, what was that? Nothing; I said future Byzantine emperor Constantine XI is born. Carry on; nothing to see here.

1587 - Mary, Queen of Scots is executed by order of Elizabeth I of England under suspicion that she was party to an assassination plot. Mary's son, James VI, becomes King of Scotland. I have a funny feeling he's going to get the last laugh.

1601 - Robert Devereux, the 2nd Earl of Essex, (who doesn't pay attention, apparently) rebels against Elizabeth I. His rebellion doesn't even last the whole day. That's gotta be a little embarrassing for him.

1828 - Jules Verne's consciousness arrives from the future in a newborn baby, but nobody ever believes him.

1850 - Kate Chopin is born. It is fortunate that her mother is not named Desirée.

1865 - Delaware decides that no, they are not going to ratify the 13th Amendment, outlawing slavery. I mean, this war is terrible, but I don't want to have to pay people who work for me.

1904 - The Russo-Japanese War begins as a result of a surprise attack by the Japanese on the Russian fleet at Port Arthur in Manchuria. They'll want to be careful with that tactic; it could get them into trouble in the future.

1914 - Co-creator of Batman, Bill Finger, is born. This will not be publicly acknowledged for another 75 years.

1960 - Queen Elizabeth announces that patrilineal conventions are stupid, and her family will continue to be the House of Windsor, thank you very much.

1978 - For the first time, proceedings of the U.S. senate are broadcast on the radio. And the march of progress thunders triumphantly on!

2013 - A massive nor'easter hits...where else? The northeast. The resulting blizzard leaves huge swaths of New England and the maritime provinces without power. The Weather Channel nicknames it Winter Storm Nemo. Aww, I can't be mad at it now.

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13 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1904 - The Russo-Japanese War begins as a result of a surprise attack by the Japanese on the Russian fleet at Port Arthur in Manchuria. They'll want to be careful with that tactic; it could get them into trouble in the future.

As Vyacheslav von Pehle so wisely said about this: "What this country needs is a short victorious war to stem the tide of revolution."

Though I am almost completely sure that he was not referring to Japan.

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On February 9 in History:

474 - Zeno is crowned Byzantine emperor. No, settle down. L. Ron. I said Zeno, with an O.

1775 - British Parliament declares the colony of Massachusetts to be in a state of rebellion. As my favorite Nicolas Cage meme would remark, "You don't say!"

1825 - Since nobody won the 1824 election, the U.S. House of Representatives has to choose the next president. They choose John Quincy Adams. Given that the other choice was noted lunatic Andrew Jackson, they probably made the right call. Whew! Dodged a bullet there.

1849 - After almost 1800 years, the Roman Republic is back! Now will dawn a new millennium of cultural and political dominance!

1895 - William G. Morgan invents a fun new sport where a ball is volleyed back and forth over a net by opposing teams. The best players can volley the ball multiple times before any points are scored. Naturally he calls his new game Mintonette.

1909 - Carmen Miranda is born from a bundle of bananas.

1942 - Year-round Daylight Saving Time is reinstated in order to conserve energy for the war effort, which raises the question: if it saves energy, why don't we just do it all the time anyway?

1943 - "You mean, let me understand this … cuz I … maybe its me, maybe I’m a little fucked up maybe. I’m cute how? I mean cute, like I’m a puppy? I enchant you? I make you coo and sigh? I’m here to fuckin’ entrance you? Whattya you mean cute? Cute how? How am I cute?" ~A newborn Joe Pesci

1950 - A schizophrenic Joseph McCarthy starts yelling about communists everywhere; for some reason people take him seriously.

1964 - The Beatles perform on the Ed Sullivan Show for the first time. The death toll is catastrophic.

1987 - Michael B. Jordan is born in Wakanda to a champion boxer.

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27 minutes ago, Illjwamh said:

She's on Netflix now, didn't you guys know?

I most certainly do.

I have admired her ever since she stole the Mason-Dixon line. That is impressive. Especially since 1) it only appears on maps and 2) no-one can even agree on precisely where it is supposed to lie.

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3 hours ago, ijuin said:

Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina

She's a sticky-fingered filcher, from Berlin down to Belize

She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China

Tell me, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

That song was too good, and too funny, for a children's game show on PBS.

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On February 10 in History:

1258 - The Mongols sack Baghdad and destroy a bunch of stuff, including the House of Wisdom, because who needs thousands of years of accumulated knowledge, amirite?

1306 - Robert the Bruce murders John Comyn in an effort to cement his claim to the Scottish throne, but accidentally does so in a church, landing him in hot water with certain Pope-like figures.

1763 - The Treaty of Paris cedes Québec to Great Britain. There are no hard feelings.

1840 - Queen Victoria marries Prince Albert. In a can! Eh? Eh? ...I'll see myself out.

1954 - U.S. President Dwight Eisenhower warns against intervention in Vietnam. Pfsh. What does he know?

1967 - The 25th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution lays out procedures for what is to happen should the president die while in office - an occurrence which has already happened eight times.

2007 - Some rookie senator from Illinois whom almost nobody has ever heard of announces he's running for president. He's also black, in a country that's never had a black president. This is so obscure, I don't even know why I'm putting it on here.

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59 minutes ago, Illjwamh said:

2007 - Some rookie senator from Illinois whom almost nobody has ever heard of announces he's running for president. He's also black, in a country that's never had a black president. This is so obscure, I don't even know why I'm putting it on here.

Kinda feel like "Thanks, Obama!" is rather appropriate here.

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