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Illjwamh

This Day In History

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6 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

Oh man, I have no idea what's goin' on.

/me's list is of the incorrigible punsters he's puncilled in for punishment 'pun some future occasion which he hasn't punned down.

Like all anti-pun measures, it seems to only incorrige them us.

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1 hour ago, Don Edwards said:

/me's list is of the incorrigible punsters he's puncilled in for punishment 'pun some future occasion which he hasn't punned down.

Like all anti-pun measures, it seems to only incorrige them us.

/me makes a note on The List, with the added note "trying to hard"

 

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On April 2 in History:
 
742 - A son named Charles is born to Frankish king Pepin the Short. Keep your eye on this one; he could be Great someday.
 
1118 - Baldwin I, the first crusader King of Jerusalem, dies. Crusading, of course.
 
1502 - Henry VII's son and heir, Arthur Prince of Wales, dies. Let's hope his younger brother is up to the task. Also, why does fate keep conspiring to keep us from having a real King Arthur?
 
1800 - Beethoven premiers his first symphony. Or, as he called it at that time, his symphony.
 
1851 - Rama IV becomes King of Siam. He is known for leading the advancement of science and technology in his kingdom, and is popular among musical theatre enthusiasts.
 
1930 - Haile Selassie becomes Emperor of Ethiopia. You know what? Maybe it's the weed talking, but I'm getting some serious messiah/god vibes off this guy.
 
1962 - Actor Clark Gregg is born, one can only assume in Tahiti. It's a magical place.
 
1979 - 66 people die when a Soviet bio-war lab accidentally releases some of its anthrax spores. Whoopsie.
 
1982 - Argentina thinks it can go to war with Great Britain. How adorable.
 
2005 - John Paul II dies after 37 years. A lot of the world's Catholics have never known another Pope. Well, whatever. I just hope they don't replace him with a former Nazi or anything.

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On April 4 in History:
 
188 - Future terrible Roman emperor Caracalla is born.
 
1147 - Hey, check it, Moscow exists! I mean, it probably did before, at least for a while, but now we have proof!
 
1284 - Alfonso X of Castile and Leon dies. Wait, you're telling me it's only 1284 and you've already gone through 10 Alfonsos? Y'all need to learn to keep better track of your things.
 
1581 - Francis Drake is knighted for sailing around the world, and most certainly not for his privateering endeavors against Spain.
 
1660 - Charles II of England just wants everything to settle back down, and pardons everyone who sided against the crown during the Civil War, as long as they accept him as king. Minus the ones who murdered his father, natch.
 
1721 - Sir Robert Walpole becomes Britain's first Prime Minister, despite there actually not being any position titled "Prime Minister". History is weird.
 
1814 - Napoleon abdicates and tries to name his 3 year old son his successor as emperor. The coalition isn't buying it.
 
1841 - William Henry Harrison dies exactly one month after being sworn in as U.S. president. He spent his entire time in office with pneumonia. Thus his remains the only administration with fewer accomplishments to its name than the current one.
 
1875 - Czech composer Bedřich Smetana's Vitava, also known as Die Moldau, premiers in Prague. I don't really have anything funny to say; I just really like it. Y'all should give it a listen.
 
1923 - Warner Bros. Pictures opens. They will eventually be responsible for such cinematic masterpieces as Battlefield Earth, Catwoman, and The Adventures of Pluto Nash.
 
1925 - A far-right party in Germany establishes its own private paramilitary force, and this apparently does not alarm anyone.
 
1945 - Soviet troops liberate Hungary from Nazi occupation. But really, it's more like "under new management."
 
1949 - NATO is formed by twelve signatory nations as a result of the Soviet Union just creeping everybody the hell out.
 
1968 - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is shot by a white racist and convicted criminal using a rifle purchased same-day under false pretenses with an assumed name. Just gonna leave that here.
 
1979 - Heath Ledger is born. Holding him for the first time, his mother coos, "Let's put a smile on that face!"
 
2009 - France comes back to NATO. They don't wanna say anything outright, but they're really hoping they can get their old seat back. It was by the window.
 
2013 - Roger Ebert dies, leaving us all to our own devices when it comes to knowing what movies are good. I'd say we're not handling it very well.
 

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On April 7 in History:

30 - Near as we can figure, this is the day some bleeding heart rabble rouser named Josh is crucified for what amounts to rocking the boat. Sad. I bet in another year or so no one will even remember him.

611 - Armies of the Snake Kingdom (Kaan) under King Uneh Chan (Scroll Serpent) sack the city of Bàakʼ (Palenque). Why do we have to learn about everything the Romans ever shit on but not this pile of awesomeness?

1141 - Empress Matilda becomes the first female ruler of England, albeit mostly in name. She is not to be confused with her mother, Queen Matilda, or with the wife of King Stephen (with whom she fought a war for control of the kingdom), also called Queen Matilda. God dammit, Europe.

1788 - Marietta, Ohio is the first permanent American settlement in the Northwest Territory. Lol, "northwest".

1805 - Beethoven premiers his third symphony in Vienna. Where else? He's really getting the hang of these now.

1831 - Emperor Pedro I of Brazil abdicates and goes to Portugal to become King Pedro IV. That's a pretty sweet retirement package.

1948 - A baby John Oates twists and shouts his way out. His mother wraps herself around him, but he ain't the way she found him. He'll never be the same.

1954 - Jackie Chan is born, and as usual does not use a double. That's really him, and they did it all in one take.

1980 - The U.S. cuts off diplomatic ties with Iran, due largely to the fact that several of their diplomats are being held hostage. By Iran.

1994 - Hutus begin killing their Tutsi neighbors for no reason more complex than that they were told to. This is what happens when you characterize certain groups of people as "animals", but that would never happen here.

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On April 8 in History:
 
217 - Terrible Roman emperor Caracalla is assassinated. At least they waited until after his birthday.
 
876 - Victory by the Abbasid Caliphate over Saffarid Persia at the Battle of Dayr al-‘Aqul saves Baghdad from their advance. What a relief! The House of Wisdom is in there. Can you imagine what would happen if it were damaged by invaders?
 
1364 - French king John II dies in captivity in England, to whom he had lost a ton of land, much of which had in turn been lost to the French by the English King John a century and a half earlier. Strangely enough, neither country will ever name a king "John" ever again. Weird.
 
1450 - Sejong the Great dies. He is notable in that, while nearly every Joseon ruler was posthumously styled "the Great", he actually earned it.
 
1740 - In the early stages of the War of Jenkins' Ear, three British ships capture the Spanish Princess. Don't worry; it's only a ship.
 
1904 - France and Britain sign the Entante Cordiale, essentially putting 1,000 years of rivalry and hostility aside as water under the bridge. This is mostly because both countries think Germany is looking a bit shifty, but also because neither one really wants to be dragged into the Russo-Japanese war on their respective ally's side.
 
1938 - Future UN Gen-Sec Kofi Annan is born. I had a great idea for a joke reference until I remembered it was from a play that, as far as I know, was only performed once and I may well be the only person who remembers anything from it. Even by my usual standards, that's pretty obscure.
 
1974 - Hank Aaron hits his 715th home run, breaking the all-time record held by Babe Ruth for 39 years. I can't see anyone ever managing that again, unless they're juicing or something.
 
2013 - The Islamic State of Iraq enters into the Syrian Civil War, providing an excellent example for anyone trying to explain the term "clusterf***".

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On April 9 in History:
 
585 BCE - Death of Jimmu, traditionally regarded as Japan's first emperor. We'll see how long his dynasty lasts, though I wouldn't put much money on them.
 
491 - Death of Zeno, emperor of the Eastern Roman Empire, which by the end of his reign no longer needs that specifier.
 
1241 - Mongol invaders defeat a combined Polish and German force at the Battle of Liegnitz because they're Mongol invaders and that's what they do.
 
1288 - Forces of the Vietnamese Trần dynasty to Mongol invaders at the Battle of Bach Dang: "Not in our house."
 
1413 - Henry V becomes King of England. He's so badass; he'll probably rule for decades and definitively bind France to England forever.
 
1682 - Robert Cavelier de La Salle discovers the mouth of the Mississippi River and names the whole region "Louisiana" because like everyone else in France at this time, he's a gigantic brown noser.
 
1865 - Robert E. Lee surrenders his Army of Northern Virginia to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Courthouse in Virginia, which for all intents and purposes ends the American Civil War. A century and a half later, the very same people who whine and complain that "losers shouldn't get participation trophies" will insist and demand that statues of him remain on display in public spaces.
 
1865 again - Erich Ludendorff is born. An important historical figure and key player in the First World War, he will now mostly be remembered as that crazy guy who huffed some weird fumes and fought Wonder Woman.
 
1917 - The Battle of Vimy Ridge begins with an assault on German positions atop said ridge. My Canadian blood is pumping hot with furious pride just thinking about it.
 
1937 - The first Japanese-built aircraft to fly all the way to Europe lands safely in London. It is called the "Kamikaze", which in retrospect is tragically hilarious.
 
1940 - Germany invades Denmark and Norway. Meanwhile, Vidkun Quisling is able to demonstrate to the people of Norway just why Americans hate the name Benedict Arnold so much.
 
1947 - Members of two different Zionist paramilitary groups attack the Palestinian town of Deir Yassin near Jerusalem and kill over 100 people. Leaders from all sides condemn the violence, and yet...I'm sorry, I'm being told I'm not allowed to make a punchline.
 
1989 - Anti-Soviet protesters in the Georgian capital of Tblisi are dispersed by Soviet troops, who kill 20 and injure hundreds more. In Soviet Russia, state protest YOU!
 
1991 - Georgia declares its independence from the USSR. Can't imagine why they chose today to do it.
 
2009 - As many as 60,000 people gather in Tblisi to protest against president Mikheil Saakashvili and his government. While they may have a few valid reasons to complain, he notably does not send the military to murder them.
 
2014 - A student in a Murrysville, Pennsylvania high school stabs 20 people, all of whom survive. Republican lawmakers immediately suggest giving all teachers knives.
 
2017 - Dr. David Dao Duy Anh is beaten and forcibly dragged off an airplane after refusing to give up his seat which had been deliberately double-booked by United Airlines. People around the country pretend to be shocked at the revelation that United Airlines sucks.

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10 April

1866 – The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) is founded in New York City by Henry Bergh.  It's fun to stay at the A-S-P-C-A!

1916 – The Professional Golfers' Association of America (PGA) is created in New York City.  Good to know that with the world wrapped up in the Great War, those who play Golf professionally still have time to see to the important issues.

1971 – Ping-pong diplomacy: In an attempt to thaw relations with the United States, China hosts the U.S. table tennis team for a week-long visit.  Because there is no sport more central to the American psyche than Ping-Pong.

1972 – Tombs containing bamboo slips, among them Sun Tzu's Art of War and Sun Bin's lost military treatise, are accidentally discovered by construction workers in Shandong.  Please, folks, return your books to the library before you're buried.  Can you even imagine what the fine on those late returns would be?

2019 - Scientists from the Event Horizon Telescope project announce the first ever image of a Black Hole, located in the centre of the M87 galaxy.  Apologies to Albert Einstein.  Even though your Theory of General Relativity predicted their existence, you continued to assert throughout your life that nature would not actually create such a bizarre structure.  Well, now we have the evidence.  Still, how many of the rest of us could even begin to investigate cosmological principles that so fundamentally challenged our own world view?

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On April 11 in History:
 
145 - Birth of Septimius Severus, the Roman Emperor who most sounds like a Harry Potter character.
 
1034 - Byzantine emperor Romanos III Argyros is drowned in his bathtub, apparently murdered. In what I'm sure is completely unrelated news, he is succeeded by his wife Zoë's lover, Michael IV.
 
1241 - Batu Khan's Golden Horde absolutely kicks the shit out of Béla IV of Hungary's armies at the Battle of Mohi. For the Hungarians, it is a defeat from which they will not recover, eventually leading to nearly half their lands being destroyed and up to a quarter of their population lost. For the Mongolians, it is Tuesday.
 
1689 - William III and Mary II are crowned as co-sovereigns of England and Scotland. It's been hit or miss with monarchs this century, so this time we're doubling up just in case.
 
1814 - Treaty of Fontainebleau to Napoleon: Yes, you have to abdicate, and NO, you cannot choose your successor. What do you think this is?
 
1868 - Tokugawa Yoshinobu surrenders Edo Castle to Imperial forces, officially ending the Tokugawa Shogunate. Oh, but you're welcome for unifying the whole country and everything.
 
1968 - The Civil Rights Act of 1968 is passed in the U.S., prohibiting discrimination in the sale, rental, and financing of housing. Donald Trump is determined to fight this, even if he has to become president to do it.
 
1970 - Apollo 13 is launched. If it's anything like the last two, it should make it to the moon without a hitch.
 
2007 - Kurt Vonnegut dies as part of his project to interview notable people from centuries past.

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7 hours ago, Illjwamh said:
On April 11 in History:
 
1241 - Batu Khan's Golden Horde absolutely kicks the shit out of Béla IV of Hungary's armies at the Battle of Mohi. For the Hungarians, it is a defeat from which they will not recover, eventually leading to nearly half their lands being destroyed and up to a quarter of their population lost. For the Mongolians, it is Tuesday.

According to the Gregorian calendar, April 11th, 1241 was a Thursday. Coincidentally, since the difference between Gregorian and Julian dates in 1241 was 7 days, the date April 11th, 1241 was also a Thursday on the Julian calendar.

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1 hour ago, ijuin said:

According to the Gregorian calendar, April 11th, 1241 was a Thursday

Interesting trick, considering that Pope Gregory XIII did not introduce that calendar until 1582.

Besides, if a ravaging Mongolian horde says that it is Tuesday, are you really going to argue?

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7 hours ago, Pharaoh RutinTutin said:

Besides, if a ravaging Mongolian horde says that it is Tuesday, are you really going to argue?

Obviously they didn't do a good enough job with the ravaging or else we'd have a Batian calendar

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On April 12 in History:

240 - Shapur I becomes co-ruler of the Sassanian Persian Empire that his father, Ardashir, founded. I tell you, this kid's gonna be Great.

467 - Anthemius becomes Emperor of the Western Roman Empire. For whatever that's still worth. Don't get comfortable.

627 - Edwin, The Anglo-Saxon king of Northumbria, is seduced and turned by some weird, foreign cult from the south. Something about a crucified god or something? Sounds like a riff on Woden to me; doubt it'll last.

1861 - Confederate forces to the garrison at Fort Sumter, and by extension the federal government at large: "We weren't bluffing."

1917 - Canadian forces successfully complete their capture of Vimy Ridge from the Germans. Maple Leaf forever!

1945 - Franklin D. Roosevelt dies, thus thwarting America's (admittedly not well thought-out) plan to just have him be president forever.

1955 - The polio vaccine is declared safe and effective. Let me repeat that, in case anyone missed it: IT'S 1955, AND THE POLIO VACCINE HAS BEEN DECLARED SAFE AND EFFECTIVE. NO ONE HAS TO GET POLIO ANYMORE, EVER. As long as people aren't stupid and stop using it. But why would that ever happen?

1961 - Yuri Gagarin is the first human being to travel to outer space. He says it's all right.

1979 - Actress Claire Danes is born, precipitating a massive uptick in occurrences of the phrase "Great Danes" in entertainment headlines.

1981 - Tulsi Gabbard is born. If you don't remember who she is, just check your Democratic presidential candidate bingo card.

1994 - Actress Saoirse Ronan is born. She will spend the majority of her time in interviews explaining to Americans how to pronounce her name.

2009 - Zimbabwe abandons its own dollar as official currency. This is due largely to the physical inability of anyone to carry enough of them to buy anything.

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4 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

2009 - Zimbabwe abandons its own dollar as official currency. This is due largely to the physical inability of anyone to carry enough of them to buy anything

Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire?

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I must say I don't like the new decor of the place...

Renovations were in progress and the suspicion at this time is that the fire is an accident relating thereto.

A bunch of art had been removed from the cathedral for temporary safe storage or its own restoration, but there was still a bunch in the building - some of which they managed to safely remove even during the fire.

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I did not know that the cathedral's structure contained so much combustible material--I thought it was mainly stone, ceramic, and glass, with minimal wood in it.

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I once saw a fascinating documentary about arson and arsonists that made the observation that churches in general are essentially built the same way one lays a campfire--a hollow space arched over with firewood.

 

 

 

 

 

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