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Illjwamh

This Day In History

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1 hour ago, Illjwamh said:

1988 - Birth of Lilly Singh, a media personality whom it's getting harder and harder for middle aged white people to pretend they haven't heard of.

I've now heard of her. I now have a - one, singular - clue who she is. By tomorrow I probably will have misplaced it.

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On September 27 in History:
 
1066 - "Hey guys, let's go to England." "Ballin'." ~William the Bastard and his Norman army
 
1529 - Forces of Suleiman the Magnificent dig in, intending to make Vienna the next Constantinople if you catch my drift.
 
1590 - Pope Urban VII dies after 12 and a half days in office. "Shit. It took us longer than that to pick him."
 
1669 - Venice surrenders the fortress and city of Candia on Crete after a 21 year siege. Jesus, talk about being stubborn. I'm not even sure which side I'm saying that about.
 
1777 - The Continental Congress evacuates Philadelphia and Lancaster, Pennsylvania becomes the capital of the United States. For a day. And if I know anything about small cities, they haven't shut up about it to this day.
 
1916 - Uncrowned emperor Iyasu V of Ethiopia is deposed in favor of his aunt, Zewdita, so that she can sit around doing nothing while her cousin Ras Tafari runs the country.
 
1921 - Death of German composer Engelbert Humperdinck. If you're thinking I included him purely because his name is so fun to say, you would be correct.
 
1940 - Even though they've all already started their respective wars and invasions, Germany, Italy, and Japan decide to formally team up in case the U.S. ever decides to get off its ass.
 
1972 - Gwyneth Paltrow. Like most newborn humans, she is covered in Goop.
 
1993 - Abkhaz separatists violate a U.N. ceasefire and storm the city of Sukhumi, siezing it. "Hey guys, let's violently and brutally rape, torture, and murder all the Georgian civilians we can find. That ought to generate sympathy for our cause in the international community."
 
1998 - People are now able to search for things and information on the internet using Google. Man, there's gotta be a quicker way to say that.
 
2017 - Death of noted philanthropist, animal rights activist, and freedom of speech advocate Hugh Hefner. He's also known for something else, but I just can't put my finger on it. It's on the tit of my tongue.

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19 hours ago, Illjwamh said:
On September 27 in History:
 
1777 - The Continental Congress evacuates Philadelphia and Lancaster, Pennsylvania becomes the capital of the United States. For a day. And if I know anything about small cities, they haven't shut up about it to this day.

I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you! Lancaster is a city?

 

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On 9/26/2019 at 4:32 PM, Illjwamh said:
On September 26 in History:
 
1988 - Birth of Lilly Singh, a media personality whom it's getting harder and harder for middle aged white people to pretend they haven't heard of.

From Wiki: " On August 8, 2016, Singh released a visual music piece on YouTube, titled 'Voices'." So, yes, she does.

 

 

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On September 28 in History:
 
551 BCE - Birth of Confucius. One of the most influential philosophers in East Asian history, he is better known today for his collection of punny, mildly racist proverbs.
 
48 BCE - Pompey the Great is unceremoniously assassinated by Egyptians under Ptolemy XIII who are trying to ingratiate themselves to Caesar. I'll let you guess how well that ends up working for them.
 
935 - Wenceslaus I of Bohemia, a.k.a. Good King Wenceslaus of Christmas carol fame, is murdered by his brother Boleslaus I, who is, shall we say, less good.
 
995 - Boleslaus II, son of Boleslaus the Cruel (wonder where he got that name), unites Bohemia under his rule by slaughtering nearly everyone in the rival Slavník dynasty. Like father, like son.
 
1066 - William the Bastard lands in England and sets about changing his epithet.
 
1106 - At the Battle of Tinchebray, Henry I of England, son of the above, defeats his brother Robert II of Normandy, also son of the above, completing his English conquest of Normandy. History is weird.
 
1238 - James I of Aragon conquers Valencia from the Moops, er, the Moors. He would like you to know that he is now also James I of Valencia.
 
1781 - American forces and French ships lay siege to the British army at Yorktown. "This time, we've got 'em for sure."
 
1871 - Brazil frees all government-owned slaves, and decrees that any children born to slaves after today will be born free. Private citizens can keep the ones they've already got, though. We're not monsters.
 
1891 - Herman Melville dies, one can only assume while yelling out some pretentious, overly loquacious Shakespearean diatribe.
 
1912 - Over half a million Protestant unionists sign the Ulster Covenant, opposing Irish home rule. Oh, this isn't gonna be good.
 
1928 - Complete slob Alexander Fleming notices some mold growing in one of the petri dishes he left sitting out while he went on vacation. That's funny.
 
1934 - Brigitte Bardot is born. "You're welcome." ~God
 
1939 - Hitler and Stalin amicably divide Poland between them in what is sure to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
 

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7 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1981 - American forces and French ships lay siege to the British army at Yorktown. "This time, we've got 'em for sure."

::coughs:: I may not know my American history very well, but..... ;)

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2 hours ago, Scotty said:

::coughs:: I may not know my American history very well, but..... ;)

Lol. I just realized I used the exact sort of comment I would normally use sarcastically. Oh, well.

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On September 29 in History:
 
106 BCE - Birth of Pompey the Great. Or, as he's known at birth, Pompey. This is actually really sad if you remember reading about him yesterday.
 
1227 - Pope Gregory IX excommunicates Holy Roman Emperor Frederick II for not taking part in the Crusades. This seems harsh, until you remember that the position of HRE is supposed to be the military and political leader of Christendom. So this is like the original, "Dude, you had ONE job."
 
1267 - The Treaty of Montgomery has good news and bad news for Llywelyn ap Gruffudd. Good news: You get to be Prince of Wales! Bad news: You have to be a vassal of Henry III of England. "Well, this will be the Last time a Welsh prince makes any deals with an English king, I can tell you!"
 
1907 - The cornerstone for Washington National Cathedral is laid. Wait for it...
 
1918 - Germany's Supreme Army Command to the Kaiser and the Chancellor: "Look, we're getting our asses kicked out there and everyone's exhausted. Maybe we should look into calling this off."
 
1943 - Lech Wałęsa, perhaps the greatest Pole of modern times, is ironically born while there is no Poland.
 
1990 - Construction is complete on the Washington National Cathedral. 87 years; not too shabby by medieval European standards. I can just see some guy putting off hammering in that last nail for like a week so they can say they finished today.
 
1994 - Trihb of reigns Halsey.

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On 30/09/2019 at 2:29 AM, Illjwamh said:

1990 - Construction is complete on the Washington National Cathedral. 87 years; not too shabby by medieval European standards. I can just see some guy putting off hammering in that last nail for like a week so they can say they finished today.

Look, you can't complain about them being slow. They managed to squeeze 87 years of worktime into just 83 years. At least relatively speaking that is fast.

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10 hours ago, The Old Hack said:

Look, you can't complain about them being slow. They managed to squeeze 87 years of worktime into just 83 years. At least relatively speaking that is fast.

Lol. My QC has be lax lately.

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On October 4 in History:
 
23 - Rebels storm the capital city of Chang'an, bringing an end to the rule of Wang Mang. "We're comin' back, baby!" ~The Han
 
1226 - Death of Francis of Assisi, one of the most celebrated religious figures of the common era. I suppose the real mystery is why it took so long for a Pope to borrow his name.
 
1582 - Pope Gregory XIII announces that tomorrow is going to be October 15. Deal with it.
 
1957 - Sputnik 1 is the world's first artificial satellite. It beeps.
 
1958 - France adopts a new constitution. Fifth time's the charm?
 
1970 - Janis Joplin joins the 27 club, a club that doesn't actually exist, is packed to the brim with august company, and that nobody actually wants to join.
 
 
Slow news day.

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On October 6 in History:
 
23 - A recently captured and deposed Wang Mang dies do to a sudden onset of having-his-head-cut-off.
 
618 - Wang Shichong defeats his rival Li Mi at the Battle of Yanshi for succession of the Sui Dynasty. Jokes on him, though. Li takes refuge with some folks called Tang.
 
649 - Future Mayan king Yuknoom Yichʼaak Kʼahkʼ ("Jaguar Paw Smoke") is born. What was he the king of, you ask? KAAN!
 
1539 - Hernando de Soto and his men occupy the town of Anhaica, the Apalachee capital. it's called Tallahassee now, since the jerks didn't even keep it and it was renamed by Creek refugees who moved in after they left.
 
1683 - The first major wave of German immigrants to America found the creatively named Germantown, Pennsylvania. In case anyone thought they were worried about flying under the radar.
 
1789 - Louis XVI is made to move into the city where people can keep an eye on him.
 
1908 - Austria-Hungary annexes the former Ottoman territory of Bosnia and Herzegovina. Serbia and Montenegro are very upset by this. Italy and Russia aren't too happy, either. Eh, I'm sure it'll work itself out.
 
1927 - Premier of The Jazz Singer, a motion picture in which there is actually synchronized sound of the actors speaking. I hate these flashy gimmicks. Just make a good film and people will see it.
 
1939 - The German invasion of Poland is complete with the end of the Battle of Kock, which history teachers often gloss over due to the difficulty of explaining details over all the giggling.
 
1943 - Twelve civilian women and an old man are burned alive by Fritz Schubert's paramilitary force in the village of Kali Sykia on Crete, in an effort to terrorize the people of the island into ceasing their resistance to Nazi occupation. For some weird reason, it doesn't work.
 
1970 - Birth of Amy Jo Johnson. As a teenager, she'll develop quite an attitude.
 
1973 - Egypt and Syria launch a surprise attack on Israel on Yom Kippur, which coincidentally is also during the month of Ramadan. Nothing is sacred, indeed.
 
1976 - China's Gang of Four are arrested, finally bringing an end to the disastrous and nightmarish Cultural Revolution. "Oh, thank whatever we're allowed to believe in now!" say the remaining people of China.
 
2010 - Instagram is founded. Also known as Twitter for people who can't read.
 

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On October 7 in History:
 
1403 - The Venetian navy crushes the Genoese at the Battle of Modon off southwestern Greece. Haha! No no one will ever threaten our naval superiority again!
 
1513 - Spain defeats Venice at the Battle of La Motta but fails to capitalize on the victory. Land battle! Doesn't count!
 
1571 - The Ottoman navy is defeated for the first time ever at the Battle of Lepanto, the largest naval battle in Western history since classical times. The victors? The Holy League (mostly Spain and Venice). Hey, time and common enemies heal all wounds.
 
1763 - George III closes off all lands north and west of the Alleghenies, reserving it for indigenous populations. "We'll see about this," say brave patriots who desire "independence from tyranny", if you catch my drift.
 
1868 - Cornell University opens, with an enrollment of an insane 412, breaking all records. No, really.
 
1879 - Austria-Hungary and the German Empire create the Dual Alliance, promising to defend the other should one of them be attacked by Russia, and also to remain "benevolently neutral" should one of them be attacked by anyone else (read: France). The idea is to prevent war in Europe, or at least limit its scope. I think they've got the right idea.
 
1940 - Naval intelligence officer Lieutenant Commander Arthur H. McCollum, specializing in East Asian affairs, sends a memo to his superiors suggesting that the U.S. take action to provoke the Japanese into committing an overt act of war, so that the American government would have a ready excuse to declare war on them. Pfsh. Like that'd work.
 
1952 - Birth of Vladimir Putin. The doctor who spanks him is found dead hours later under mysterious circumstances.
 
1955 - Internationally acclaimed cellist Yo-Yo Ma is born. Not to be confused with internationally ridiculed failure pile Yo' Mama.
 
1987 - Sikh nationalists in Khalistan declare independence from India. Nobody cares.
 
1996 - The propaganda wing of the U.S. Republican Party begins broadcasting. At first they try to pretend they're a news network. How cute.
 
1998 - Matthew Shepard is found beaten and tied to a fence in Laramie, Wyoming, because people are just the worst.
 

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On October 9 in History:
 
768 - Brothers Charles and Carloman are crowned Kings of the Franks. There can be only one.
 
1446 - Hangul, the most intuitive and logically constructed writing system in the world, is published. However, it shares the flaw of many written languages of representing sounds in words that are never actually pronounced.
 
1635 - Roger Williams is kicked out of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. "Fine! I'll just start my own colony! With blackjack! And hookers!"
 
1806 - Prussia gets the band back together and declares war on France. Fourth time's the charm? (It's not).
 
1825 - The first organized group of Norwegian immigrants arrive in New York Harbor aboard the Restauration, don'cha know. Donald Trump is delighted.
 
1919 - The Chicago White Sox let the Cincinnati Reds win the world series.
 
1936 - Birth of BRIAN BLESSED!
 
1940 - John Lennon is born. I can hardly wait To see you come of age, but I guess we'll both just have to be patient.
 
1950 - South Korean police murder 153 unarmed civilians - suspected sympathizers of the North (and their families) - in a cave in Goyang, Gyeonggi-do. Just in case you thought the war was a black and white issue.
 
1962 - Uganda becomes independent from [guess who?].
 
1966 - In retaliation for the death of two soldiers three days before, South Korean forces kill 168 civilians in the village of Binh Tai in South Vietnam by setting their houses on fire from helicopters and shooting everyone who tries to run out. Good lord, I know there are a lot of holidays on the South Korean calendar, but what is today, Murder Day?
 
1967 - Ernesto "Che" Guevara is executed for trying to incite a revolution in Bolivia, but not before posing for a photographer from a T-shirt company.
 
1974 - Death of Oskar Schindler. He is survived by a wife, three children, and roughly 1,200 very good friends.
 
1975 - Birth of Sean Lennon. Whoa, what the hell? I can't even use the song that was literally written about this event, because I just used it six entries ago.
 
1983 - 21 people are killed and 46 injured when South Korean president Chun Doo-hwan narrowly escapes an assassination attempt in Rangoon, Burma by some North Korean bombers celebrating Murder Day.
 
2012 - The Pakistani Taliban attempts to execute schoolgirl Malala Yousefzai for having the audacity to go to school, and worse, encouraging other girls to do so. They succeed only in globally amplifying her message. Womp womp.

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Got a bit distracted, so this is technically late, but I haven't gone to bed yet so it still counts.
 
On October 11 in History:
 
1138 - Possible date (as good a guess as any, though it could have been any time in the last couple of weeks) for the Battle of Crug Mawr, in which a Welsh army routs a numerically superior and better equipped English one through judicious use of their longbows. "Shit, man, we gotta remember that one," say the English.
 
1142 - The Jin and Southern Song draw a line an each tells the other not to come over onto their side.
 
1649 - Oliver Cromwell's army bursts into the Irish town of Wexford, which is in the process of surrendering, kills everybody and burns the whole place to the ground. If you thought the English didn't care much for Cromwell...
 
1899 - The South African Republic and the Orange Free State declare war on the British Empire. They will come to regret this, but not before making sure Britain will too.
 
1976 - George Washington is promoted to the rank of General of the Armies. Unfortunately, he is unable to attend the ceremony due to health reasons.
 
1991 - Professor Anita Hill testifies at a Supreme Court Justice confirmation hearing about her experience regarding sexual assault on the part of the nominee. Because time is cyclical and we never learn anything, this amounts to nothing.
 
1992 - Belcalis Marlenis Almánzar is born. That's quite a mouthful; if you want to catch on with people quickly, I'd suggest a stage name that's a little easier to remember, okurrr?

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On October 13 in History:

54 - Emperor Claudius dies mysteriously. It is likely he was poisoned by his wife, Agrippina Minor, so that her son, Nero, could take the throne. If true, she will come to regret this.

1307 - Philip IV the Fair of France has every Knight Templar in France he can get his hands on arrested at dawn, under charges of heresy. By a serendipitous coincidence, this frees him of his massive debt to the Order.

1399 - Henry Bolingbroke is crowned King Henry IV of England on the grounds that Richard II is just the worst.

1793 - Austrian and Prussian forces defeat a Revolutionary French army at the First Battle of Wissembourg, possibly because the French keep arresting their own commanders.

1903 - The Boston Americans (later Red Sox) win the first World Series against the Pittsburgh Pirates. So it doesn't matter how many times the Yankees win, because we did it first.

1908 - Margaret Travers Symons becomes the first woman to speak in British Parliament. Not because she's a member or anything; she just burst into the hall in the middle of a debate and shouted "Votes for women!" before being dragged out. Ironically the ballsiest thing anyone in that chamber had ever done.

1923 - After 1600 years, Istanbul is demoted, and Ankara becomes the capital of the new Turkish Republic. Geez, you offer people some of the best centuries of your life...

1925 - Margaret Thatcher is tragically born with an iron rod where her soul should be.

1943 - Italy's new government knows which side its bread is buttered on and declares war on Germany.

1944 - Soviet forces drive the Nazis out of Riga. As far as the Latvians are concerned, this basically just means "under new management."

1972 - Uruguayan Air Force Flight 571 crashes in the Andes mountains. The 28 survivors had been in the middle of watching the in-flight movie: a documentary on the Donner Party.

1989 - Birth of America's youngest Latina president. If I put it on here, it has to be true, even if it's the future.

2010 - 33 Chilean miners are winched from the shelter they've been trapped in for 69 days. I can only assume the number one thing on all of their minds was a shower.

2013 - Death of Takashi Yanase, whose claim to fame was creating a superhero whose head is a bean-jam bun. Sometimes the world is just fuckin' weird and you don't realize how much until you say it out loud.

2016 - The Maldives quits the Commonwealth. "It's not you; it's us."

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On 14/10/2019 at 11:43 AM, Illjwamh said:

1307 - Philip IV the Fair of France has every Knight Templar in France he can get his hands on arrested at dawn, under charges of heresy. By a serendipitous coincidence, this frees him of his massive debt to the Order.

Fair enough. :danshiftyeyes:

On 14/10/2019 at 11:43 AM, Illjwamh said:

1925 - Margaret Thatcher is tragically born with an iron rod where her soul should be.

And for some reason, her soul was apparently supposed to have been inserted rectally.

On 14/10/2019 at 11:43 AM, Illjwamh said:

1989 - Birth of America's youngest Latina president. If I put it on here, it has to be true, even if it's the future.

And she can DANCE! This is absolutely horrible! Noted Republicans screamed and clutched at their pearls at the thought of a politician that possesses actual joie de vivre!

On 14/10/2019 at 11:43 AM, Illjwamh said:

2010 - 33 Chilean miners are winched from the shelter they've been trapped in for 69 days. I can only assume the number one thing on all of their minds was a shower.

Also, therapists engaged in crisis aid gave firm instructions to not play 'Timothy' by The Buoys anywhere near the survivors.

On 14/10/2019 at 11:43 AM, Illjwamh said:

2016 - The Maldives quits the Commonwealth. "It's not you; it's us."

Notably, when Greenland contemplated separating from the Kingdom of Denmark, they firmly told us, "It's not us. It's you."

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Just now, The Old Hack said:

Notably, when Greenland contemplated separating from the Kingdom of Denmark, they firmly told us, "It's not us. It's you."

Good thing that didn't happen or else the war between Canada and Denmark would transfer to Greenland and we'd miss out on your great Schnapps. ;)

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2 minutes ago, Scotty said:

Good thing that didn't happen or else the war between Canada and Denmark would transfer to Greenland and we'd miss out on your great Schnapps. ;)

The Inuit aren't stupid. They would MUCH rather be free of Denmark. But while they stay part of the Kingdom of Denmark, they enjoy the benefits of membership of NATO and receive significant annual financial support. Until they have developed their own resources (which among other things include seals and uranium) to the point where they can function independently, they will most likely continue to put up with us.

I must be honest here. I cringed massively when a certain politician proclaimed that he intended to 'buy' Greenland from Denmark, and even more when his supporters attacked Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen for refusing to deal. Not least because we cannot just sell Greenland. The Inuit are Danish citizens and they have their own Home Rule to manage their affairs. It remains their choice whether to finally break free from Denmark and it would also be their decision as to whether they would accept this... purchase. In effect, the proposal equated to Justin Trudeau stating that he intended to buy Minnesota from the federal government, without consulting the Minnesotans. I think they might have had a comment or two to make about that. I also have this feeling that the federal government isn't actually just allowed to sell states to foreign powers without consulting the citizens of said states.

Of course, the real reason that the Inuit seem to be reluctant to deal is in my considered opinion that they prefer the Devil they know. (Denmark really didn't treat the Inuit very well historically speaking.)

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Just now, The Old Hack said:

The Inuit aren't stupid. They would MUCH rather be free of Denmark. But while they stay part of the Kingdom of Denmark, they enjoy the benefits of membership of NATO and receive significant annual financial support. Until they have developed their own resources (which among other things include seals and uranium) to the point where they can function independently, they will most likely continue to put up with us.

If I was out of line with the joke, I apologize, I wasn't aware of the politics behind Greenland.

Just now, The Old Hack said:

In effect, the proposal equated to Justin Trudeau stating that he intended to buy Minnesota from the federal government, without consulting the Minnesotans.

I'm not sure what you're referencing there, the only things I can find regarding selling Minnesota to Canada refers to a petition to give the portion of Minnesota called "The Northwest Angle" to Canada, but not the whole state. There was also a petition to sell the state of Montana to Canada to help pay off the US' national debt.

I wouldn't doubt that Trudeau made comments regarding those petitions, but I wouldn't say he was an instigator in it.

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Just now, Illjwamh said:

He was just using a hypothetical to illustrate the absurdity of "buying Greenland".

Don't mind me then, there's a federal election happening this coming Monday, it's got me in fact check mode.

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