This Day In History

[Pharaoh RutinTutin 1,586]

26 January

1500 – Vicente Yáñez Pinzón becomes the first European to set foot on Brazil.  Just in time for Carnival.

1564 – The Council of Trent establishes an official distinction between Roman Catholicism and Protestantism.  It can be very difficult to fight a war if you can't tell who is "US" and who is "THEM".  Difficult, but not impossible.

1697 – Isaac Newton receives Jean Bernoulli's 6 month time-limit problem.  The problem involved falling bodies on curved lines and had stumped other mathematicians for about two years.  Newton begins working on the problem at 4:00 PM and has it solved before going to bed at 4:00 AM.

1700 – The 8.7–9.2 Mw Cascadia earthquake takes place off the west coast of North America.  Geological evidence as well as First Nations and Native American legends indicate a large quake and tsunami in the late 1600s or early 1700s.  We can only calculate the exact date by comparing Japanese tsunami records.  This is why cultures need to develop literacy early on.

1788 – The British First Fleet, led by Arthur Phillip, sails into Port Jackson (Sydney Harbour) to establish Sydney, the first permanent European settlement on Australia. Commemorated as Australia Day.  But how should such an event be commemorated?

1808 – The Rum Rebellion is the only successful (albeit short-lived) armed takeover of the government in Australia.  The traditional twentieth anniversary gift, armed insurrection.

1863 – American Civil War: Despite having the best facial hair of any Union officer, General Ambrose Burnside is relieved of command of the Army of the Potomac after the disastrous Fredericksburg campaign. He is replaced by Joseph Hooker.  Hooker's name would also live on after the war, but not to describe hairstyles.

1905 – Birth Maria von Trapp, Austrian-American singer and author.  A singing Nun walks into the Anschluß…  Someone should make a movie about this.

1950 – The Constitution of India comes into force, forming a republic. Rajendra Prasad is sworn in as its first President of India. Observed as Republic Day in India.  Did India really pick the date just because the Australians looked like they were having a good time?

1962 – Ranger 3 is launched to study the Moon. The space probe later misses the moon by 22,000 miles.  That is more than ten times the Moon's diameter of 2,159 miles.  If the US space program was supposed to be a demonstration of our missile technology, accuracy like that should terrify everyone who is not the intended target of American ICBMs.

1965 – Hindi becomes the official language of India.  Is it wise to allow the people to use their most widely spoken language for official business?  The colonial powers have only been gone for fifteen years.

1980 – Israel and Egypt establish diplomatic relations.  A respected and prominent Middle Eastern state that is primarily Muslim and significantly Arabian is willing to conduct business with Israel.  This should allow the other states in the region to recognize...  No?  Not even a little?

1992 – Boris Yeltsin announces that Russia will stop targeting United States cities with nuclear weapons.  It turns out that Russia would target the US through other means.

1998 – Lewinsky scandal: On American television, U.S. President Bill Clinton denies having had "sexual relations" with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky.  The "investigation" was supposed to be about an insider trading land deal where everyone involved lost money back when Clinton was Governor of Arkansas.  But no one seems to remember that part of the story.

Edited January 26, 2019 by Pharaoh RutinTutin
Spelling

[The Old Hack 2,448]

11 hours ago, Pharaoh RutinTutin said:

1998 – Lewinsky scandal: On American television, U.S. President Bill Clinton denies having had "sexual relations" with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky.  The "investigation" was supposed to be about an insider trading land deal where everyone involved lost money back when Clinton was Governor of Arkansas.  But no one seems to remember that part of the story.

It got lost in a debate over what the definition of 'is' is. However, thankfully the Republicans have become much less obsessed with sexual matters and currently cheerfully serve a president who is both a serial adulterer and self-confessed sexual predator. I understand that Evangelical voters today even consider adultery to be the mark of 'a good man' and have reclassified it as a virtue.

[Pharaoh RutinTutin 1,586]

1 hour ago, The Old Hack said:

...voters today even consider adultery to be the mark of 'a good man' and have reclassified it as a virtue.

Being President of the United States is in many ways like being married to the country.

Or being married to everyone in the country...

[Scotty 1,061]

1 hour ago, Pharaoh RutinTutin said:

Being President of the United States is in many ways like being married to the country.

Or being married to everyone in the country...

Dinner with the In-Laws must be very awkward.

[Illjwamh 98]

Goin' all in on the literary references today.

On January 27 in History:

98 - Trajan becomes Roman Emperor. He will be the greatest one ever. So great, in fact, that even 1900 years later, I dare not make fun of him, just in case.

1302 - Dante Alighieri is exiled from Florence. Oh, I'm gonna write such nasty things about you guys. You just wait; everyone's going to think you're all total losers.

1343 - Pope Clement VI declares it's totally fine to sell indulgences to absolve people of their sins in exchange for money. I see no possible negative consequences for this.

1596 - Sir Francis Drake dies of dysentery, a disease characterized by its extremely violent and painful diarrhea. One of the most successful sailors/pirates/privateers/naval officers of all time died from crapping his pants. Check your pride.

1606 - Be aware, ye! Be aware, ye! The 27th of January, the trial of Guy Fawkes and Friends. For the treasonous plot of which they all had been caught, they will soon all be meeting their ends.

1756 - Mozart is born, having already composed his first three works.

1820 - Antarctica is discovered by a couple of Russian guys who no doubt mistake it for home.

1832 - Lewis Carroll is born. "Oh frabjous day! Calloo! Callay!" Dad chortled, "It's a boy!"

1869 - Rebels supporting the Tokugawa Shogunate establish the Ezo Republic on the island of Hokkaido. If it lasts a single day longer than exactly five months, I'll eat my ridiculously ostentatious ceremonial armor.

1944 - The 872 day siege of Leningrad is finally lifted, the Germans finally giving up and presumably going home. It is one of the longest, costliest, and most poorly conceived efforts resulting in zero gains in all of history until just this last week. OH!

1967 - The U.S., U.K., and U.S.S.R. agree to no nukes in space, and no military bases on the moon. Secret volcano lair stock prices soar.

1969 - Comedian Patton Oswalt is born. By his own decree, he will only ever be allowed to celebrate this about twenty times during the course of his life.

1980 - Canada successfully helps smuggle six American diplomats out of Iran. Several Academy Award statuettes are prepared in advance.

1996 - For the first time, Germany observes International Holocaust Remembrance Day. The theme for the year: "Our bad."

2011 - 16,000 protesters descend on Sana'a as the Arab Spring spreads to Yemen, whose citizens refuse to be left out of yet another trend.

2018 - Ingvar Kamprad, the founder of IKEA, dies. Complications arise at the funeral when nobody can figure out how to put his casket together.

[Illjwamh 98]

On January 28 in History:

661 - The first caliphate, the Rashidun, ends when the last caliph, Ali, is assassinated, giving way to the new Umayyad Caliphate. This may have been more shocking if Ali's predecessor, and his predecessor's predecessor, had not also been assassinated.

814 - Charlemagne dies. His son Louis takes over as Holy Roman Emperor, but when you follow a guy styled "The Magnificent", there isn't a lot of hope for being compared favorably.

1393 - Charles VI of France nearly dies under what would no doubt have been tragically hilarious circumstances when several dancers' costumes caught fire at a masquerade ball he was attending.

1547 - Henry VIII of England dies, leaving the country in the hands of his nine year old son. There was much rejoicing.

1813 - Pride and Prejudice is published, causing readers everywhere to develop vastly unrealistic expectations regarding relationships with the opposite sex. Popular novels will continue this trend for the next two hundred years. It will eventually be adopted by films and television as well.

1896 - The first fine for speeding is given to one Walter Arnold of Kent. He is forced to pay an entire schilling for driving at the lunatic speed of 8 miles per hour. No, really.

1909 - U.S. forces finally depart Cuba, with the small exception of one naval base on a bay somewhere. It's probably not important.

1965 - The Canadian parliament officially chooses a new flag design. Presumably someone just said, "How 'bout a leaf?" and everyone else simply said, "All right."

1981 - Actor Elijah Wood is born. Several award statuettes are prepared in advance, but not for him.

1986 - The space shuttle Challenger explodes shortly after liftoff, killing all aboard. I can't think of anything else to say that wouldn't make me feel like a jackass.

1996 - Co-creator of Superman, Jerry Siegel, dies. You know, until he's ret-conned back to life in a later issue.

[The Old Hack 2,448]

On 27/01/2019 at 9:24 PM, Scotty said:

Dinner with the In-Laws must be very awkward.

They are called 'elections' and they are.

On 28/01/2019 at 11:42 AM, Illjwamh said:

661 - The first caliphate, the Rashidun, ends when the last caliph, Ali, is assassinated, giving way to the new Umayyad Caliphate. This may have been more shocking if Ali's predecessor, and his predecessor's predecessor, had not also been assassinated.

And this is not even mentioning all the assassins that had to be assassinated in order to make the assassinations stop at that point. And after that you also had to assassinate the assassins that had assassinated the old assassins. And then you needed to assassinate the assassins that had assassinated the assassins that assassinated the old assassins. And then, well, you get the idea.

I hear it took quite a while for things to stabilise.

On 28/01/2019 at 11:42 AM, Illjwamh said:

814 - Charlemagne dies. His son Louis takes over as Holy Roman Emperor, but when you follow a guy styled "The Magnificent", there isn't a lot of hope for being compared favorably.

It depends on who does the styling. If it is self-styled and the general populace disagrees, the probability increases drastically. For example in the case of self-styled stable geniuses that posit that they have the best brains and the best people. In some cases these could be succeeded by a wet halfbrick and it would still end up having a much better approval rating.

On 28/01/2019 at 11:42 AM, Illjwamh said:

1393 - Charles VI of France nearly dies under what would no doubt have been tragically hilarious circumstances when several dancers' costumes caught fire at a masquerade ball he was attending.

I doubt the poor dancers would have been laughing. Or even thought that the situation was funny to begin with.

On 28/01/2019 at 11:42 AM, Illjwamh said:

1547 - Henry VIII of England dies, leaving the country in the hands of his nine year old son. There was much rejoicing.

See? See? And Henry even said that he had the best divorce lawyers and the best headsmen.

On 28/01/2019 at 11:42 AM, Illjwamh said:

1813 - Pride and Prejudice is published, causing readers everywhere to develop vastly unrealistic expectations regarding relationships with the opposite sex.

I dunno. It filled me with a healthy wariness of this world's potential Wickhams, irresponsible parents and its ridiculously unfair inheritance laws.

[CritterKeeper 1,102]

On 1/28/2019 at 4:42 AM, Illjwamh said:

On January 28 in History:

1393 - Charles VI of France nearly dies under what would no doubt have been tragically hilarious circumstances when several dancers' costumes caught fire at a masquerade ball he was attending.

 

3 hours ago, The Old Hack said:

I doubt the poor dancers would have been laughing. Or even thought that the situation was funny to begin with.

Indeed.  From the time women started having to wear skirts and cook over fires, to the time women no longer had to wear skirts around fireplaces, candles, wood-burning ovens, gas lamps, etc., burning to death was in a close race with childbirth for number one cause of death for women -- and given that it continued to be a hazard both before and after childbearing years, I think I believe the source that gave it the number one spot.

 

On 1/28/2019 at 4:42 AM, Illjwamh said:

On January 28 in History:

1986 - The space shuttle Challenger explodes shortly after liftoff, killing all aboard. I can't think of anything else to say that wouldn't make me feel like a jackass.

Thank you for your discretion.  I remember getting the news, during Language Arts (English) class in the South Attic classroom.  Our desks were in a circle, only maybe a dozen subfreshmen in the class.  Everyone not teaching or being taught had been in the library watching the launch of the much-hyped first teacher in space.  One of those teachers came up to our class to tell us what had happened.  I whispered "Oh my God" about a second before our teacher said the exact same thing, so that we overlapped.  Everything else was silence.  In hindsight, I feel for that poor teacher, having to spread such tragic news.

Our parents knew exactly where they were when they heard Kennedy had been assassinated.  This is what we remembered, indelibly burned into our brains.  Think 9/11 if you're too young to remember the Challenger.  And if you're too young to remember 9/11, I hope sincerely that you get to go a good long while before fate gives you a similar memory.

 

Well, what a cheery Day In History....hope only happy things happened on 1/29!

[The Old Hack 2,448]

1 hour ago, CritterKeeper said:

Our parents knew exactly where they were when they heard Kennedy had been assassinated.  This is what we remembered, indelibly burned into our brains.  Think 9/11 if you're too young to remember the Challenger.  And if you're too young to remember 9/11, I hope sincerely that you get to go a good long while before fate gives you a similar memory.

I was a huge space exploration buff back then. Still am, in a lot of ways. I remember how sick I felt inside when I heard of what had happened to the Challenger. That was a very bad day.

[Illjwamh 98]

On January 29 in History:

1258 - The armies (and climate) of Đại Việt kick the crap out of Mongol invaders at the Battle of Đông Bộ Đầu and send them packing. Cavalry-based steppe peoples invading a sweltering jungle is not a recipe for success.

1845 - Edgar Allan Poe publishes The Raven. It is his first published work for which he actually takes credit.

1891 - Liliuokalani becomes Queen of Hawai'i. May she and her descendants reign forever. Aloha 'Oe, western imperialism!

1936 - The first inductees into the Baseball Hall of Fame include noted philandering drunk Babe Ruth, noted commendably un-racist Ty Cobb, and household name Christy Mathewson.

1954 - Oprah Winfrey is born. Her ecstatic father runs out into the hospital waiting room and shouts, "It's a girl! You get a cigar! And you get a cigar! Everybody gets a cigar!"

1963 - Pro Football copies baseball and makes a Hall of Fame.

1980 - The Rubik's Cube debuts, providing lazy writers the world over with a convenient shorthand for character's intelligence.

2002 - George W. Bush names the Axis of Evil. While not very creative, it's surely a great way to make friends.

2005 - Commercial flights between mainland China and Taiwan begin, because mortal enemies or not, there's no sense in curtailing lucrative business opportunities.

[The Old Hack 2,448]

4 minutes ago, Illjwamh said:

1258 - The armies (and climate) of Đại Việt kick the crap out of Mongol invaders at the Battle of Đông Bộ Đầu and send them packing.

Lies! There is no climate! Weather is a hoax! : P : P : P

5 minutes ago, Illjwamh said:

2002 - George W. Bush names the Axis of Evil. While not very creative, it's surely a great way to make friends.

Or it might even lead to entertaining news stories.

[Pharaoh RutinTutin 1,586]

8 hours ago, The Old Hack said:

… in the case of self-styled stable geniuses that posit that they have the best brains and the best people. In some cases these could be succeeded by a wet halfbrick and it would still end up having a much better approval rating.

Quayle/Palin 2020?

[The Old Hack 2,448]

12 minutes ago, Pharaoh RutinTutin said:

Quayle/Palin 2020?

I can't see how they could possibly do any worse.

(I actually think it is unfair to compare Dan Quayle to a wet halfbrick. He has gotten more shit than he deserved. Much more. I do not really like him but mocking him because he has trouble spelling is just piss poor behavior.)

[Pharaoh RutinTutin 1,586]

20 minutes ago, The Old Hack said:

I actually think it is unfair to compare Dan Quayle to a wet halfbrick.

Quite true.  The man was no idiot.
But his ability to make statements that could so easily be misconstrued out of context made George XLI look like a genius by comparison and made Johnny Carson's final years on The Tonight Show so much easier to write.

[CritterKeeper 1,102]

16 hours ago, The Old Hack said:

(I actually think it is unfair to compare Dan Quayle to a wet halfbrick. He has gotten more shit than he deserved. Much more. I do not really like him but mocking him because he has trouble spelling is just piss poor behavior.)

Yeah, I'd much rather see politicians attacked for their policies and prejudices, rather than for silly mistakes like believing a card handed to him by a teacher must have the correct spelling on it.  Their actual policies, mind you, not sound-bite strawmen.

[ijuin 572]

On 1/29/2019 at 4:53 PM, The Old Hack said:

(I actually think it is unfair to compare Dan Quayle to a wet halfbrick.

What have wet halfbricks ever done to you?

Speaking of mockery of Quayle, if anybody here has played any of the "Civilization" series games (by Microprose, later by Firaxis), in the game score rankings, getting a score of zero got you proclaimed as being even greater than Dan Quayle.

[Illjwamh 98]

On January 30 in history:

1649 - King Charles I of England is beheaded. Thanks, Obama. I mean Cromwell.

1661 - Lord Protector Oliver Cromwell, responsible for the above, is executed. Thing is, he's already been dead for over two years. "Just making sure," say the English, when questioned.

1703 - The legendary 47 Ronin successfully avenge their master's death by killing...what, not his murderer? I'm sorry, I'm being told they avenged their master by killing the official their master had assaulted, forcing him to commit ritual suicide. This being murder, the ronin themselves were then also forced to commit ritual suicide. Yeesh.

1806 - The Lower Trenton bridge opens, spanning the Delaware river. Good thing they waited, or one of the most famous paintings of George Washington would have been a lot less impressive.

1835 - Andrew Jackson survives an assassination attempt by self-styled King Richard III of England (actually a local D.C. painter Richard Lawrence). Both his would-be killer's pistols misfired, and the president proceeded to beat the living hell out of his assailant with his hickory cane until a crowd including Davy Crockett pulled him off. I can't make this stuff up.

1933 - Adolf Hitler is sworn in as Chancellor of Germany, presumably while ominous John Williams music swells in the background and Natalie Portman looks on in horror and disbelief.

1948 - Mahatma Gandhi is assassinated by a Hindu extremist who felt the champion of non-violence was too kind to Muslims. And by "too kind," he meant "not giving Hindus preferential treatment over them." God dammit, people.

1956 - Civil rights leader and spiritual successor to Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., has his home bombed in response to the Montgomery bus boycott. Apparently wanting to choose one's seat on a bus is an offense worthy of death. God DAMMIT, people.

1959 - The MS Hans Hedtoft makes its maiden voyage. It is said to be the safest ship in the world, and unsinkable. It strikes an iceberg with predictable results, because of course it does.

1968 - North Vietnam and the Viet Cong launch the Tet Offensive, extending a quagmire the U.S. military-industrial complex has yet to learn from, apparently.

1969 - The Beatles play a concert on top of Apple Records, which is broken up by police. Police who, one can only guess, hate fun.

2003 - Richard Reid is sentenced to life in prison for the crime of making everyone have to take their shoes off at airport security.

[The Old Hack 2,448]

2 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1835 - Andrew Jackson survives an assassination attempt by self-styled King Richard III of England (actually a local D.C. painter Richard Lawrence). Both his would-be killer's pistols misfired, and the president proceeded to beat the living hell out of his assailant with his hickory cane until a crowd including Davy Crockett pulled him off. I can't make this stuff up.

They don't make presidents like that anymore. I am not completely certain whether this is a good thing or not.

2 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1969 - The Beatles play a concert on top of Apple Records, which is broken up by police. Police who, one can only guess, hate fun.

It was a spontaneous thing because they were tired of sitting indoors and melting in the heat. When they started playing people stopped to listen. More and more people drifted in; very few left. Eventually the streets around Apple Records became completely clogged up and at that point police officers asked the Beatles to please stop because they were paralysing the whole neighbourhood.

[Pharaoh RutinTutin 1,586]

2 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1835 - Andrew Jackson survives an assassination attempt by self-styled King Richard III of England (actually a local D.C. painter Richard Lawrence). Both his would-be killer's pistols misfired, and the president proceeded to beat the living hell out of his assailant with his hickory cane until a crowd including Davy Crockett pulled him off. I can't make this stuff up.

 

39 minutes ago, The Old Hack said:

They don't make presidents like that anymore. I am not completely certain whether this is a good thing or not.

In the 1970s a US President who was an All American Center and Defensive End for the National Champion Michigan Wolverines and a US Navy Officer in the Battle of the Philippine Sea had to be whisked away by Secret Service agents to escape a woman called "Squeaky".

[Illjwamh 98]

On January 31 in History:

1512 - Henry, King of Portugal is born. Wait for it...

1580 - Henry, King of Portugal dies. Well, shit. Um, happy birthday?

1606 - Guy Fawkes is executed for his role in the Gunpowder Plot. Sadly, "Remember, remember the 31st of January" just doesn't really roll of the tongue.

1865 - Congress approves a constitutional amendment to ban the ownership of human beings, sending it to the states for ratification. Due to a wacky and convenient sequence of events, most slaveholding states are ineligible to participate.

1917- After taking two years off, Germany resumes unrestricted U-Boat warfare. It's not like the Americans are going to do anything about it.

1929 - The Soviets exile one of their key architects in favor of a guy who'll end up murdering most of them.

1943 - The Germans surrender at Stalingrad, then foolishly try to keep playing instead of loading their most recent save file.

1946 - "This is a great idea!" ~Yugoslavia, establishing a constitution to unite the Balkans.

1950 - U.S. president Harry Truman announces that the bomb that scared the shit out of everyone not five years ago wasn't enough, and they're going to make a bigger one.

2012 - The Toyota Corolla officially becomes the best-selling car of all time. The company celebrates by cutting the brake lines in all their vehicles.

[Scotty 1,061]

14 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1806 - The Lower Trenton bridge opens, spanning the Delaware river. Good thing they waited, or one of the most famous paintings of George Washington would have been a lot less impressive.

I'm sure after George crossed it the first time he said "If I have to cross this thing again, there better be a bridge!"

[ChronosCat 155]

19 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1943 - The Germans surrender at Stalingrad, then foolishly try to keep playing instead of loading their most recent save file.

Their most recent save file might  not have helped; things had been going downhill for the Germans in Stalingrad for quite some time.

[The Old Hack 2,448]

24 minutes ago, ChronosCat said:

Their most recent save file might  not have helped; things had been going downhill for the Germans in Stalingrad for quite some time.

Anyway they couldn't. In a fit of overconfidence Hitler played on Hardcore mode.

[Illjwamh 98]

On February 1 in History:

583 - King Kan B'alam I of Palenque dies. Who was ruling Sweden at this time? Or Denmark, or half a dozen other places in Europe? Oh, that's right; we don't know, because unlike the Maya, they didn't bother to write any of that shit down in a place where we could find it.

1327 - Fourteen year-old Edward III becomes King of England, though really everything is run by his mom and her boyfriend. "Shut up, you're not my real king!"

1329 - King John of Bohemia captures the fortress of Medvėgalis in the still pagan Grand Duchy of Lithuania. He then baptizes all 6,000 defenders, who must surely be confused about why this strange foreign invader went through so much trouble just to give them a bath. Oh well, he's gone now; best get back to business. Those gods aren't going to worship themselves.

1793 - The French, getting a little swept up in all this Revolutioning, declare war on the UK and the Netherlands. LES ROOOIIIIIIS, J'ENNNNFINNNNN tue!

1851 - Mary Shelley dies and is not revived thanks to the cautionary tale she left behind to warn her loved ones not to try anything like that.

1861 - Texas secedes from the United States, not fifteen years after practically begging to be let in.

1865 - Abraham Lincoln signs the Thirteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which would abolish slavery. I mean, he pretty much backed himself into a corner on this one.

1884 - The first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary is published, covering words from A to Ant. ...We've got a long way to go.

1918 - Russia adopts the Gregorian calendar, just when everyone was finally getting used to the Julian.

1942 - A new minister president of the Norwegian national government is chosen: a savvy politician who made the right connections with the right people and is finally seeing it pay off. Yessir, everything's coming up Quisling!

1946 - Norwegian Trygve Lie is chosen as the United Nations' first secretary general. Hey, what happened to that Quisling guy? He looked like he was going places.

1946 again - Hungary decides that 900 years is enough. No more kings.

1960 - Four men in Greensboro, North Carolina start a national shitstorm that will ultimately reshape the entire cultural zeitgeist by sitting down and asking for some coffee.

1979 - "I'm back, bitches!" ~ Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini. Oh, he 'bout to start some shit.

2003 - The space shuttle Columbia comes apart during reentry, killing all aboard. I will continue my tradition of not making light of these types of incidents, though I'm not sure what it says about me that I still thought of some good ones.

2009 - New Prime Minister Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir of Iceland becomes the world's first openly gay head of government. Man, bloody vikings do EVERYTHING first.

[Illjwamh 98]

They say we're young, and we don't know; we won't find out until we grow.

On February 2 in History...

880 - King Louis III of France is defeated in Saxony by the Great Heathen Army. If you're thinking I included this purely as an excuse to mention the giant pile of awesome that is the Great Heathen Army, you would be correct.

962 - Otto I is crowned Holy Roman Emperor. The first one in forty years, in fact, and under much pomp. Downplayed is the fact that no one really noticed the lack.

1536 - Buenos Aires is founded. Just a quick math note: Jamestown, often considered the first "American" colony, is still 71 years away.

1653 - New Amsterdam is founded. We know it now as New York. Why they changed it, I can't say; people just liked it better that way.

1848 - The U.S. and Mexico sign the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, a.k.a. the "Treaty of Peace, Friendship, Limits and Settlement between the United States of America and the Mexican Republic", a.k.a. the "Treaty of We're Taking Half Your Land and What Are You Going to do About It".

1876 - The National League of Major League Baseball is formed. With only 8 teams and the American League still 25 years away, playoffs remain slightly anticlimactic.

1887 - Americans come under the sway of one Punxsatawney Phil, a malevolent groundhog in small-town Pennsylvania who demands yearly festivals and sacrifice lest he hold pleasant weather hostage for an additional month and a half.

1925 - Dogsleds reach Nome, Alaska with diphtheria medication from Anchorage. The annual Iditarod commemorates this feat. Several Academy Award statuettes are...what? Animated? Oh, never mind.

1935 - Polygraph lie detector tests are accepted in U.S. court as evidence for the first time, leading to decades of lazy police work, false convictions and acquittals, and worst of all...contrived screenwriting.

1942 - The first acts of anti-Nazi resistance take place in Norway, protesting the inauguration of Vidkun Quisling. He is adamant that more people showed up to the latter than the former.

1952 - Park Geun-hye, future South Korean president, is born, though the numerous strings attached to her limbs make the process difficult for all involved.

1989 - The last Soviet armored column leaves Afghanistan, leading to decades of peace and prosperity for the region.

They say we're young, and we don't know; we won't find out until we grow.

On February 2 in History...