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      Welcome!   03/05/2016

      Welcome, everyone, to the new 910CMX Community Forums. I'm still working on getting them running, so things may change.  If you're a 910 Comic creator and need your forum recreated, let me know and I'll get on it right away.  I'll do my best to make this new place as fun as the last one!
Illjwamh

This Day In History

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On July 7 in History:
 
1307 - Edward I of England dies. And there was much rejoicing. In Scotland. And also Wales.
 
1456 - In a retrial, Joan of Arc is acquitted of all charges of heresy. So I guess we can set her free now and...oh. Oh, whoops.
 
1520 - A huge Aztec army catches up with a diminished and exhausted group of Spaniards and allies at the plain of Otumba. Time to finish them off once and for all. Wait, why are those men riding horses at us? Are they going to fight us while riding giant animals? What the hell his happening???
 
1575 - A minor skirmish over some stolen goods (and no shortage of insults) between English and Scottish lords and their men result in 2 dead Scotsmen and 25 dead Englishmen, along with 300 raided English cows, takes place on the border at Cheviot Pass near Redeswire. Afterwards, both sides apparently decide enough is enough after six centuries or so, and they never fight again.
 
1585 - Henry III of France signs the Treaty of Nemours to take control of the Catholic League, and French Protestants, who've been living in hard-fought peace and tolerance, discover that they'd forgotten to say "No take-backsies."
 
1807 - France, Russia, and Prussia agree to the Peace of Tilsit. France: 4, Coalitions: 0.
 
1898 - The U.S. annexes Hawaii. Not consulted: native Hawaiians. To no one's surprise.
 
1928 - Sliced bread is sold for the first time, in the town of Chillicothe, Missouri. It's the greatest thing since...since...since I don't even know.
 
1940 - Ringo Starr, at least the fourth most popular Beatle, is born.
 
1954 - A guy named Elvis is played on the radio in Memphis, TN. I like his sound; he might be going places.
 
1978 - The Solomon Islands attain independence from the UK. Hey, everybody else is doin' it.
 
1980 - Sharia law is instituted in Iran. Not consulted: most Iranians.
 
1981 - SJW snowflake Ronald Reagan appoints Sandra Day O'Connor to the U.S. Supreme Court.
 
1992 - New York courts rule that women and men have equal rights...to go topless in public. It is a right that far too few exercise.
 
2005 - Four suicide bombers - three on the underground and one on a bus - strike London during morning rush hour. Because attacking a country's civilian population and pissing them off is a great way to get them to do what you want.
 

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On July 8 in History:
 
1497 - Portuguese explorer Vasco da Gama, having enough of the Ottomans' bullshit in blocking trade, sets out to sea. "I'll just find my own way to India, then." He wisely ignores Columbus's claims of having already done so.
 
1709 - Russian forces under Peter I defeat Charles XII's Swedes at the Battle of Poltava. Sweden will never be a great power again. Or perhaps they're just biding their time...
 
1716 - Sweden, now at war with Denmark-Norway (who got the memo that Sweden sucks now and declared war shortly after the above battle) is invading Norway with a fleet of 44 ships, when they are ambushed by 7 - that's not a typo - Danish-Norwegian ships and run aground at the Battle of Dynekilen. 30 of their ships are stolen and the invasion is called off. Damn, Sweden. When you fall, you fall hard.
 
1822 - Death of Percy Bysshe Shelley. Look on his works, ye mighty, and despair.
 
1853 - Matthew Perry arrives in Edo (now Tokyo) Bay with four ships, and a letter from the U.S. president "requesting" trade.
 
1947 - Crazy reports coming out of Roswell, New Mexico. Something about a spaceship, a lobster man, a one-eyed woman, and a foul-mouthed chain-smoking robot?
 
1948 - Raffi is born, to the delight of future children everywhere.
 
1958 - Kevin Bacon is born, giving him connections to everyone else on this list for the next time you're playing that game.
 
1994 - Kim Il-sung dies, and his son, Kim Jong-il, is quick to assure everyone that he will be taking over and are there any objections, no I didn't think so.

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On July 9 in History:
 
1357 - HRE Charles IV helps lay the foundation stone of a great bridge crossing the Vltava in Prague. "I expect naming rights, you guys."
 
1540 - Henry VIII takes a mulligan on wife #4. "We can still be friends."
 
1609 - Bohemia is granted religious freedom by HRE Rudolf II. "Better be for real this time or we'll have to throw some more people out of windows."
 
1810 - Napoleon, re: Kingdom of Holland: "Yoink!"
 
1816 - The United Provinces of South America declare independence from Spain. If that name sounds too derivative, most of them can now be referred to as "Argentina."
 
1850 - U.S. president Zachary Taylor dies, most likely of food poisoning from raw fruit and iced milk. Okaaaay. Some people suggest he may have been poisoned, but that seems unlikely, as why would anyone want Millard Fillmore to be president?
 
1850 again - The Báb is executed in Tabriz on charges of blasphemy and apostasy. Because nothing ever happens when the establishment executes a popular figure preaching new ideas and regarded by his followers as a prophet.
 
1868 - The fourteenth amendment to the U.S. Constitution is ratified. Everyone born in the U.S. is now a citizen, and they all get due process of law. This seems like the sort of thing that should have been obvious from the start, but some people just need everything spelled out for them.
 
1896 - William Jennings Bryan argues against the gold standard in a speech that does not involve hyperbole at all.
 
2011 - South Sudan gains its independence. "Should we come up with a name for ourselves?" "No, this is fine."
 

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9 minutes ago, Illjwamh said:

1850 - U.S. president Zachary Taylor dies, most likely of food poisoning from raw fruit and iced milk.

The desert was served at a July Fourth fundraiser for the Washington Monument.  As a precaution, political fundraiser dinners no longer feature "fresh" foods.  Only greasy, salty, heavily processed, and over cooked lumps of almost organic material.

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On July 12 in History:
 
100 BCE - A little tyke by the name of Gaius Julius Caesar is born. This is retroactively dated of course, since he's the one who'll design the calendar we use now.
 
927 - The kings of Scotland, Deheubarth, Bamburgh, and Cumbria accept King Æthelstan as their overlord. There will be peace in our time!
 
1394 - Future shogun Ashikaga Yoshinori is born. Wait for it...
 
1441 - Shogun Ashikaga Yoshinori is invited by the Akamatsu family, who were prominent daimyo at the time, to view a Noh play at their home on his birthday. They murder him there. They were dressed all in black so he didn't register their approach.
 
1543 - Henry VIII, perhaps thinking that sixth time's the charm, marries Catherine Parr, who herself is now on husband #3 (the other two died). I think they can make it work.
 
1562 - Diego de Landa, a Spanish bishop given control of the new diocese in the Yucatan, burns the sacred books of the Maya, earning him a spot on the list of history's greatest assholes.
 
1895 - Richard Buckminster Fuller is born. He will most commonly go by his middle name, because come on; wouldn't you?
 
1904 - Pablo Neruda is born, perhaps the most (only?) famous Chilean in history.
 
1920 - The Soviet Union signs a treaty with Lithuania, recognizing the latter's independence. "What's that sound?" "What?" "Were you...were you just chuckling?" "No, no not at all. Just had something caught in my throat. Don't worry about it."
 
1943 - In the Battle of Prokhorovka, one of the largest tank battles of all time, Soviet forces, despite suffering heavy losses themselves, manage to halt the German advance and seize the strategic initiative. And this is why anyone who says America won the war doesn't have any idea what they're talking about.
 
1962 - At a cheap little place in London called the Marquee Club, a band plays their first live gig. They're called the Rolling Stones. You probably haven't heard of them.
 
1971 - Kristi Yamaguchi is born with two club feet. That's too bad; it's really going to limit her prospects in life.
 
1979 - Kiribati attains independence from the UK. "Is that it? Is that all of them? Are we done now?"
 
1997 - Malala Yousafzai is born with a rare birth defect that does not allow her to take shit from anybody. That's too bad; it's really going to limit her prospects in life.

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On July 13 in History:
 
587 BCE - The Temple of Solomon is destroyed as Babylon completes its siege of Jerusalem. It is an indignity to the people of Israel the likes of which they will never see again, with several exceptions.
 
982 - Lombard princes Pandulf and Landulf (II and IV, respectively) are among the casualties at the Battle of Stilo, a giant clusterfuck during the Emir of Sicily Abu'l-Qasim's holy war against the Holy Roman Emperor, Otto II. The battle saw numerous other European nobles die as well, along with Abu'l-Qasim himself, whose death did not affect his troops' morale at all, as they continued slaughtering Germans and Italians alike, forcing Otto to swim to safety on a Greek merchant ship. Fun times.
 
1174 - King William the Lion of Scotland, in the process of helping Henry II of England's sons rebel against him (on the promise of receiving Northumberland), is captured at the Battle of Alnwick. Whoopsie.
 
1260 - Lithuanians beat the crap out of the Livonian and Teutonic orders at the Battle of Durbe. "For the last time, we don't want to Christian!"
 
1821 - Nathan Bedford Forrest is born. A future Confederate general, and first Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, his birthday is still officially celebrated by law in the state of Tennessee, oh Jesus Christ what the fuck.
 
1863 - A bunch of guys in New York City, upset about the prospect of being drafted into the army, start rioting. Ah, not to worry; I'm sure they'll tire themselves out pretty quickly.
 
1878 - The Treaty of Berlin establishes independence from Ottoman rule for Romania, Serbia, and Montenegro, but notably not Bulgaria. Not consulted: the Bulgarians.
 
1942 - Harrison Ford is born. You know, that guy from American Graffiti.
 
1977 - Somalia invades Ethiopia in a bid to stake their claim on the Ogaden region. They will come to regret this.
 
1985 - Tired of people going hungry in Ethiopia (and other places too, sure), Bob Geldof and Midge Ure throw a rock concert to help. Which works, actually.
 
2011 - Newborn country South Sudan is allowed to join the United Nations. Meanwhile, in Kosovo...
 
2016 - UK Prime Minister David Cameron resigns after accidentally dropping the country in the toilet, and deciding he doesn't want to have to reach in there and pull it out or be the one responsible for flushing it.

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On July 16 in History:
 
622 - Islam decides the world doesn't already have enough calendars, and starts a new one.
 
1054 - The Great Schism begins between eastern and western Christianity when Cardinal Humbert, one of three legates to Pope Leo IX (who by now is dead) sent to negotiate in Constantinople with the Ecumenical Patriarch, instead loses his temper and on his own dubious authority excommunicates said Patriarch instead. Naturally, the EP retaliates, and excommunicates all three legates in turn. This game of "Nyah, nyah!" will result in a sometimes harsh divide for the next thousand years and beyond.
 
1212 - Alfonso VIII of Castile, along with his erstwhile rivals Sancho VII of Navarre, Peter II of Aragon, and Afonso II of Portugal, and with the aid of some various knightly holy orders and French and Leonese volunteers, kick the shit out of Almohad forces at the Battle of Las Navas de Toloso, opening the door for some serious Reconquisting.
 
1377 - Richard II is crowned King of England at ten years old. Everything is fine.
 
1790 - District of Columbia is set aside for the new federal capital of the U.S., and it is decided that its residents will never have any representation in the government they will forever after play host to.
 
1809 - The city of La Paz (in modern Bolivia) is the first entity in the new world to declare independence from the Spanish crown. Hopefully a few others will join in and back them up.
 
1909 - Mohammad Ali Shah Qajar of Iran, who had made the ill-advised decision to abolish the new constitution after ascending to the throne in the middle of a revolution, is forced to abdicate in favor of his son. Quite apart from the continued desire for parliamentary government, Iranians are likely keen to have a ruler who isn't stupid enough to do that.
 
1945 - Scientists and the military create a nuclear explosion on purpose in the New Mexico desert. Well, that's it for humans, then. We had a good run.
 
1969 - Three guys blast off for the moon. The freaking moon. With no guarantee they'll be coming back, mind. Hard to imagine the rocket could achieve escape velocity, what with the weight of their balls.
 
2007 - An earthquake off the coast of Niigata in Japan kills 8 people, injures around 800 more, and damages a nuclear power plant. Whew! That was a close one. We got lucky this time. Now it's time to shore up and reinspect all coastal nuclear facilities to make sure that if this happens again, nothing serious happens. Uh, guys?

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On July 17 in History:
 
180 - Twelve "Christians" are executed in the town of Scillium (in modern Tunisia). That ought to nip this weird new cult in the bud.
 
1203 - The Fourth Crusade, apparently having completely forgotten what they are supposed to be doing, sack and conquer Constantinople.
 
1429 - Charles VII of France is crowned during the Hundred Years War due in large part to the efforts of Jeanne d'Arc, but also due to English incompetence and mismanagement, stemming in no small part from the fact that their king is a baby.
 
1453 - The Battle of Castillon marks the end of the Hundred Years War and any chance of the English ever reclaiming the throne of France. "We'll be back!" they say ominously. They won't be back.
 
1762 - Peter III of Russia, who had been overthrown in a coup by his Great wife Catherine 8 days before, is murdered for good measure. It was probably just the act of an overzealous supporter and Catherine knew nothing about it, but she IS the ruler of RUSSIA, so we can't take that for granted.
 
1917 - George V of England renames his house "Windsor", since "Saxe-Coburg and Gotha" sounds a little too German, which is awkward since we're kind of in the middle of an apocalyptic war with them.
 
1918 - Nicholas II of Russia and his entire family and many of his retainers are murdered by either the Bolsheviks or Keyser Soze; I forget which.
 
1936 - A faction of the Spanish military attempts to overthrow the recently elected leftist Popular Front government. Oh, this isn't gonna be good.
 
1955 - Disneyland opens. Nothing works, but at least when the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.
 
1976 - 25 African countries boycott the Montreal Olympics due to the participation of New Zealand. Don't worry; New Zealand hasn't suddenly become racist! It's just that they continue to participate in sporting events with apartheid South Africa. ...Okay, so maybe they're a little bit racist.
 
1984 - The U.S. decides that while 18 is old enough to put your life on the line in defense of your nation, it's not old enough to have a beer. You gotta wait three more years for that shit. Because the last time we imposed increased restrictions on alcohol went so well.
 
2009 - Walter Cronkite dies, taking with him the last remaining shred of journalistic integrity and accountability in American culture.
 
2014 - Malaysia Airlines flight 17 is shot down by Russian soldiers in eastern Ukraine for reasons unknown. Probably by mistake, but still. The Russian government denies any responsibility, which is how you can be sure they are responsible.
 
 
And that's the way it was.

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On July 21 in History:
 
356 BCE – The Temple of Artemis at Ephesus, the grandest and most magnificent of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, is burned down by a man called Herostratus, whose sole stated motive is to ensure that his name will be remembered throughout history. No, what am I doing? I’m playing right into his hands!
 
285 - Diocletian decides that ruling the entire Roman Empire alone is too much for one person, and appoints Maximian as his Caesar ("Jr. Emperor") and co-ruler. If this works well, he may even divide responsibilities up even further. With him still at the top, of course.
 
658 - Death of K'an II, ruler of the Mayan city of Caracol. He is also known as "Lord Stormwater Moon", which, I mean, why don't all kings have names like that?
 
1645 - "Everyone has to wear their hair like ours!" ~ Dorgon of the Manchu Qing Dynasty in China
 
1861 - After the First Battle of Bull Run in the American Civil War, Northern soldiers and officers reevaluate just how seriously they should be taking this armed rebellion. As do the picnickers and spectators who came out to watch.
 
1925 - In Tennessee, John T. Scopes is found guilty in court of teaching science to his students in science class. He is fined $100, because this is America and we don't take kindly to "new" ways of thinking about things. What's next? Sex-ed in a sex-ed class?
 
1951 - Robin Williams is born, and the world gets just a little brighter.
 
1954 - The Geneva Conference divides Vietnam into North and South. I mean, it worked with Korea.
 
1972 - The Provisional IRA detonates 22 bombs throughout Belfast within the span of 80 minutes. 9 people die and 130 more are injured. I'm not sure "Join with us or we'll kill all of you" is the most effective PR strategy for a unified Ireland.
 
2006 - Beloved actor and voice artist Mako Iwamatsu dies. I was going to put an inspirational Uncle Iroh quote in here, but even though there are many, I couldn't think of one that fits. Feel free to insert your own.

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On July 22 in History:
 
1298 - Edward I of England defeats an army of Scots led by William Wallace at the Battle of Falkirk, which will lead to the latter resigning as Guardian of Scotland. But that doesn't make for good cinema.
 
1456 - If Mehmed II thought his siege of Belgrade was going to go as easily as the one at Constantinople, Hungarian regent John Hunyadi has some news for him. "The line must be drawn here! This far; no further!" Or maybe that's Star Trek. Whatever, they kicked the Turks out.
 
1587 - A second group of colonists arrive at the abandoned Roanoke settlement in order to reestablish it. This time, everything will go...aaaaaand they're gone.
 
1802 - Emperor Gia Long unifies Vietnam with the conquest of Hanoi. May it never be divided again.
 
1849 - Birth of Emma Lazarus, author of that one poem so many people seem to have forgotten about.
 
1893 - Katharine Lee Bates admired the view so much from the top of Pike's Peak in Colorado - spacious skies, amber waves of grain, majestic purple mountains towering over fruited plains - that she simply has to write it all down.
 
1933 - Wiley Post lands his airplane at Floyd Bennett Field in New York just over seven days after taking off from Floyd Bennett Field in New York. Not sure what the big deal is.
 
1940 - When was Alex Trebek born?
 
1942 - The systematic deportation of Jews from Warsaw begins. Never again, eh?
 
2013 - Prince George of Cambridge is born, extending the existence of the British monarchy by yet another generation. Incidentally, he'll probably be king during the millennial celebration of the Norman conquest. Something to look forward to.

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11 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

Prince George of Cambridge... he'll probably be king during the millennial celebration of the Norman conquest

I've been told that the lives of children are scheduled far too heavily.  But I thought it was hyperbole.

This six year old kid knows what he will be doing when he's 53?

That is almost certainly a life far too heavily scheduled

 

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On July 23 in History:
 
1840 - Upper and Lower Canada are stitched together into one Canada by the Act of Union - something many denizens of Lower Canada are still whining about to this day.
 
1914 - Austria-Hungary sends an ultimatum with a list of demands to Serbia following the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand. These include but are not limited to allowing Austro-Hungarian law enforcement full access and participation regarding the investigation. The Serbians are disinclined to acquiesce.
 
1952 - A small group of young military officers overthrow King Farouk of Egypt, forcing him to abdicate in favor of his six-month old son. A regency council headed by the new king's uncle is established. I wonder who's on it?
 
1962 - Jackie Robinson is the first African-American to be inducted into the baseball hall of fame. Kinda hard for him not to be, really.
 
1967 - The people of Detroit have had enough and completely lose their shit.
 
1970 - Qaboos bin Said al Said overthrows his father as Sultan of Oman, and institutes a policy of "Let's everybody calm down."
 
1989 - Daniel Radcliffe, whom you might remember as the actor who portrayed Harry Potter, is born, making him 30 now. Feel old yet?
 
1992 - Abkhazia declares its independence from Georgia. Well, good luck with that.
 

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On July 24 in History:
 
1567 - Mary, Queen of Scots, is forced to abdicate in favor of her one year-old son, James. She is allowed to keep the moniker.
 
1783 - Simón Bolívar is born. And, though nobody realizes it yet, several nations are too.
 
1802 - Birth of Alexandre Dumas, only competition for Victor Hugo as French writer with the most adaptations and reimaginings of his work.
 
1823 - Chile bans slavery. Way ahead of the curve, there.
 
1823 again - After their navy loses the Battle of Lake Maracaibo, Spain gives up trying to fight to keep Venezuela, though they'll refuse to recognize its independence for another decade or so.
 
1847 - Brigham Young leads 148 Mormon pioneers into their promised land: a valley dominated by a lake full of completely useless water.
 
1866 - Tennessee is the first state readmitted to the Union after the Civil War. It's possible this was a bit premature.
 
1911 - Machu Picchu is rediscovered. Fancy a hike?
 
1929 - The Kellogg–Briand Pact goes into effect. Signed by most major world powers, it renounces war as an instrument of foreign policy. Well, that's one ancient problem of human society taken care of.
 
1969 - Apollo 11 splashes down in the Pacific. This means all three men on board have returned safely from the moon - an achievement almost as momentous as getting them there in the first place.
 
1974 - The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously rules that the president may not withhold subpoenaed evidence. I don't know; I feel like this might be relevant.
 
2001 - Former Tsar of Bulgaria Simeon II is sworn in as Prime Minister of Bulgaria. The rest of the world isn't sure how to react, as this has literally never happened before anywhere.
 

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On July 26 in History:
 
1469 - Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick, who helped put Yorkist King Edward IV on the throne, defeats Edward IV's forces at the Battle of Edgecote Moor in service of a Lancastrian rebellion. And you thought the Wars of the Roses were over. Oh, my sweet summer child.
 
1509 - Krishnadevaraya ascends to the throne of the Vijayanagara Empire. Facts like this are why I do these things in written format rather than spoken.
 
1533 - Death of Atahualpa, the last Sapa Inca. With him dies the last independent state in the western hemisphere for over two hundred years. On the bright side, no one has to carry royal mummies around on official functions anymore.
 
1581 - The northern Low Countries (i.e. The Netherlands) declare independence from Spain. The Habsburgs are not amused.
 
1814 - War begins between Sweden and Norway. Norway, which had been united with Denmark, had been granted to Sweden as a result of the Napoleonic wars. Norway had not been consulted and objected. Sweden doesn't give a shit.
 
1847 - The people of Liberia decide that a country called "Liberia" not being independent is just too ironic to bear and make a declaration to rectify this. To continue the irony, the country they are declaring independence from, the United States, does not recognize it.
 
1861 - Command of the Union army in the American Civil War is given to George B. McClellan, the closest real life equivalent of Zapp Brannigan.
 
1925 - William Jennings Bryan dies, presumably by being crucified on a cross of iron pyrite.
 
1936 - Fascist Germany and fascist Italy intervene in the Spanish Civil War on behalf of Francisco Franco's nationalists. Despite this reddest of red flags, the other western powers will do nothing. Out of sheer fecklessness or fear of the other "red", who can say?
 
1952 - Eva Perón dies after the city of Buenos Aires runs her through with its beat and takes every breath in her body.
 
2016 - Uematsu Satoshi of Samagihara, an advocate for euthanasia for the elderly and disabled, goes about campaigning the wrong way by breaking into a care center where he worked full of elderly patients in the middle of the night and stabbing 19 of them in the neck.

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On July 27 in History:
 
1214 - At the Battle of Bouvines, Philip II of France kicks the crap out of a coalition made of the Holy Roman Emperor, the King of England, and several Low Country Dukes. It is the last serious attempt by John of England to regain his lost continental territories, and shows real prescience by those who had dubbed him "Lackland" in his youth.
 
1299 - Some Turkish chief named Osman invades the Byzantine frontier near Nicomedia. Ugh, I thought we were done with this!
 
1302 - That same Osman guy wins the Battle of Bapheus, which basically gives him carte blanche to take over Bithynia (northwestern Anatolia). Okay, we might have to start taking him seriously.
 
1689 - The Jacobites score a victory over those Protestant English dogs at the Battle of Killiecrankie. Don't let up, lads! We've got 'em on the ropes!
 
1794 - Robespierre is arrested for being a tyrant. You know he has to know where this is going.
 
1866 - Humans successfully complete a telegraph cable across the freaking Atlantic Ocean, from Ireland to Newfoundland. Oh, the things we get up to.
 
1900 - You know how Germans were called "Huns" by their enemies in WWI, even though the two ethnic groups are not related at all? It's actually Kaiser Wilhelm II's fault, since on this day he gives a speech to his troops, encouraging them as they go to fight in the Boxer Rebellion, and comparing them to Huns. Way to go, guy.
 
1921 - Canadian medical researcher Frederick Banting and his team isolate insulin as the hormone that regulates blood sugar, and is thus essential in the treatment of diabetes. They will go on to give the patent away, because they understand that the health of their fellow human beings is not a commodity to be traded for profit. Good thing this wasn't discovered in America.
 
1929 - The Geneva Convention on the treatment of prisoners of war is signed by 53 countries. Fortunately for administrations that shall not be named, it does not apply to non-war prisoners, or to citizens of one's own country, apparently.
 
1940 - Bugs Bunny first appears in the short, "A Wild Hare". He will later be retconned into a rabbit.
 
1953 - The U.S., China, and North Korea sign an armistice. South Korea refuses to sign but promises they'll go along with it. O...kay?
 
1974 - The U.S. House Judiciary Committee votes to recommend the first article of impeachment against Richard Nixon for obstruction of justice. Just wanted to remind everyone that this is a thing.
 
1990 - Belarus declares independence from the Soviet Union. "I really hope we can still be friends, though."
 
2003 - Hope dies. No, no, calm down! Just Bob Hope. Still sad, though.
 
2016 - At a news conference in Florida, presidential candidate Donald Trump publicly appeals to Russia to dig into his opponent's emails. Just wanted to remind everyone that this is a thing.

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On July 28 in History:
 
450 - Death of Eastern Roman Emperor Theodosius II. May his walls stand forever.
 
1540 - By scheduling the execution of his chief minister Thomas Cromwell and marriage to his fifth wife Catherine Howard on the same day, Henry VIII shrewdly avoids having to get dressed up twice.
 
1794 - “Aaaa! My petard!” ~ Maximillien Robespierre
 
1821 - Peru declares independence from Spain with the help and leadership of José de San Martín. Eat your heart out, Bolívar!
 
1868 - The fourteenth amendment to the U.S. Constitution officially goes into effect, guaranteeing citizenship and full due process to all people born or naturalized in the country. This seems particularly relevant given current events, but then what do I know? *sips tea*
 
1914 - Austria-Hungary declares war on Serbia. Oh boy, now you've done it.
 
1915 - The U.S. invades and occupies Haiti. They'll stay there for 19 years. You forgot about that one, didn't you?
 
2001 - Ian Thorpe, an Australian swimmer, is the first to win six gold medals at a single World Championship. "Hold my bong," says Michael Phelps.
 
2005 - "You know lads, this doesn't seem to be working. Shall we call it quits?" ~ The Provisional IRA

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On 7/21/2019 at 10:02 PM, Illjwamh said:
On July 21 in History:
 
356 BCE – The Temple of Artemis at Ephesus, the grandest and most magnificent of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, is burned down by a man called Herostratus, whose sole stated motive is to ensure that his name will be remembered throughout history. No, what am I doing? I’m playing right into his hands!
 
658 - Death of K'an II, ruler of the Mayan city of Caracol. He is also known as "Lord Stormwater Moon", which, I mean, why don't all kings have names like that?
 
1861 - After the First Battle of Bull Run in the American Civil War, Northern soldiers and officers reevaluate just how seriously they should be taking this armed rebellion. As do the picnickers and spectators who came out to watch.
 
1925 - In Tennessee, John T. Scopes is found guilty in court of teaching science to his students in science class. He is fined $100, because this is America and we don't take kindly to "new" ways of thinking about things. What's next? Sex-ed in a sex-ed class?
 
1951 - Robin Williams is born, and the world gets just a little brighter.

(For some reason it won't let me break this into pieces)

The Temple thing makes me think of how certain news outlets are now declining to name the perpetrators of mass shootings, to avoid rewarding them with publicity.

 https://twitter.com/Daenerys/status/601395050631680000?s=20

People treating war as a spectator sport or game?  Heavens, who could imagine that?  *cough*CallOfDuty*cough*

Scopes trial is one of the reasons we need to keep in mind that the Supreme Court's decisions can be reversed later on.  This should be taken as a warning and as a hopeful thing, given the current make-up of the Court.

On 7/22/2019 at 10:45 PM, Illjwamh said:
On July 22 in History:
 
1587 - A second group of colonists arrive at the abandoned Roanoke settlement in order to reestablish it. This time, everything will go...aaaaaand they're gone.
 
1849 - Birth of Emma Lazarus, author of that one poem so many people seem to have forgotten about.

They probably went off to join the members of the first Roanoke settlement living among the local tribes.

The poem deserves to be quoted, as we seem to need the reminder:

"Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame 
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name 
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she 
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

On 7/23/2019 at 8:54 PM, Illjwamh said:
On July 23 in History:
 
1840 - Upper and Lower Canada are stitched together into one Canada by the Act of Union - something many denizens of Lower Canada are still whining about to this day.
 
1914 - Austria-Hungary sends an ultimatum with a list of demands to Serbia following the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand. These include but are not limited to allowing Austro-Hungarian law enforcement full access and participation regarding the investigation. The Serbians are disinclined to acquiesce.
 
1989 - Daniel Radcliffe, whom you might remember as the actor who portrayed Harry Potter, is born, making him 30 now. Feel old yet?

Our trip to the Canadian Rockies ended on July 1, Canada Day.  So, do they get to celebrate the birth of their country both days? How many other births did they have?

A lovely reminder of just what a mess that war was.

xkcd can help with that any time you need it!

https://www.xkcd.com/1757/

On 7/24/2019 at 8:35 PM, Illjwamh said:
On July 24 in History:
 
1969 - Apollo 11 splashes down in the Pacific. This means all three men on board have returned safely from the moon - an achievement almost as momentous as getting them there in the first place.
 
1974 - The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously rules that the president may not withhold subpoenaed evidence. I don't know; I feel like this might be relevant.

https://www.xkcd.com/2074/

Ah, but that was a different Court.  The current one has more than one Justice who owes their job to the current President, and was chosen with this very sort of thing in mind.....

On 7/27/2019 at 10:36 PM, Illjwamh said:
On July 27 in History:
 
1921 - Canadian medical researcher Frederick Banting and his team isolate insulin as the hormone that regulates blood sugar, and is thus essential in the treatment of diabetes. They will go on to give the patent away, because they understand that the health of their fellow human beings is not a commodity to be traded for profit. Good thing this wasn't discovered in America.
 
1974 - The U.S. House Judiciary Committee votes to recommend the first article of impeachment against Richard Nixon for obstruction of justice. Just wanted to remind everyone that this is a thing.

Frederick Banting is a distant relative to William Banting, the first to advocate a low-carb diet.  Low-carb diets can be very helpful for people with diabetes.

And a reminder that Impeachment is a process, a way of finding out whether the President has done enough to warrant removing him from office.  We don't vote on whether to kick him out the moment the Impeachment is declared, we do this odd little thing called investigating first.

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On July 31 in History:

30 BCE - The day starts well for Mark Antony, as he wins then Battle of Alexandria against Octavian. It goes downhill as most of his army deserts him, and by the end of the day he kills himself. Well that escalated quickly.

1423 - The French lose the Battle of Cravant, the first major engagement of the Hundred Years War after the death of England's Henry V. Ugh, just give up, France; you're never gonna win this. It would take a miracle!

1492 - Ferdinand and Isabella to the Jews of Spain: GTFO. It's a good thing for them they have other things going on this year, because otherwise this'd be a PR disaster.

1932 - The Nazi Party wins over 38% of the vote in the German election. You wouldn't think this would be enough to take over the entire country, but there you go.

1965 - J.K. Rowling is born. A Squib, she is the most high-profile person to break the International Statute of Secrecy, but as she does it in a way that makes Muggles think it's all just something she made up, she gets away with it.

1980 - Canonical birth date of Harry Potter. That's right; the most popular YA protagonist in the world is pushing 40. Incidentally, I wonder what made Rowling choose this date?

2012 - Michael Phelps becomes the most decorated Olympian of all time. I'm not going to say how many he has, because by the time you read this, he might have more.

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Due to an exceptionally hectic last couple of days, I'm a little behind. Please forgive the lateness of this thing no one asked for that I do for free because it amuses me.
 
On August 1 in History:
 
30 BCE - Mark Antony stabs himself rather than submit to the humiliations Octavian surely has planned for him. He does this under the assumption that his girlfriend and ally Cleopatra has already done the same. She hasn't. Whoopsie.
 
10 BCE - Tiberius Claudius is born. Sickly and with a slight limp, not even born in Italy, he'll not likely ever amount to anything.
 
527 - Justinian I ascends to the throne the sole ruler of the Byzantine Empire. Unless you count his wife. You really should count his wife.
 
902 - With the loss of Taormina to the Muslim Aghlabids, the Byzantines lose their last foothold in Sicily. And this time they won't be coming back.
 
1714 - The Elector of Hanover, George, becomes King of Great Britain. Once again, England finds herself with a king who doesn't speak a word of English. At least this time he was invited.
 
1800 - Kingdom of Ireland! Kingdom of Great Britain! By your powers combined, I am...The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland! ...Hmm, a little anticlimactic with the name on that one.
 
1801 - The USS Enterprise captures the creatively named Tripolitan ship "Tripoli", the first American victory in the First Barbary War. They let it go. It has no real effect on the war whatsoever. But talk about a morale booster!
 
1834 - Slavery is abolished in the British Empire. They are now entitled to moral superiority over any and all former territories and dominions that still maintain the practice, as of course is tradition.
 
1894 - War breaks out between China and Japan over who gets to "influence" Korea. Not consulted: Korea. Place where most of the fighting takes place: also Korea.
 
1914 - Germany declares war on Russia because a Serbian nationalist killed the heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne. It makes sense in context.
 
1960 - Dahomey declares independence from France. If you haven't heard of this country, it's because they've Benin west Africa under a different name for while now.
 
1964 - The former Belgian Congo renames itself the Democratic Republic of the Congo. "And just what the hell is that meant to imply?" ~ Republic of the Congo
 
1966 - Charles Whitman kills sixteen people from the tower at University of Texas at Austin, but is very polite about it, requesting in his very detailed suicide note for doctors to try to figure out what the hell was wrong with him.
 
1980 - Iceland gets the world's first democratically elected female head of state in President Vigdís Finnbogadóttir. Ah ah ah, Sri Lanka; Sirimavo Bandaranaike was only head of government. Doesn't count.
 
1981 - MTV airs its first music video, resulting in the deaths of numerous radio stars.

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Still playing catch-up.
 
On August 2 in History:
 
338 BCE - Philip II of Macedon defeats a combined Athenian and Theban force at the Battle of Chaeronea. Macedon now has total hegemony over Greece and the Aegean Sea. Right, well, we'll see how long they can hold onto it.
 
216 BCE - Hannibal defeats a superior Roman force at Cannae in a battle that is still studied today. And by "defeats", I mean "mercilessly slaughters". Still, it is not enough to overcome the Roman strategy of "We have reserves."
 
1100 - William II of England is killed in a "hunting accident", and his younger brother Henry I takes the throne. Allegedly.
 
1343 - Jeanne de Clisson sells her estates in Brittany after the execution of her husband by Philip VI of France. She then swears revenge and decides to become a pirate. Soon to become known as The Lioness of Brittany, with her flagship, "My Revenge", she'll be the scourge of French shipping on the English Channel for the next 13 years. No joke; that's just badass.
 
1610 - Henry Hudson, looking for a Northwest Passage, sails into a huge bay. "Wonder what this place is?" he muses.
 
1776 - The U.S. Declaration of Independence is signed, and you just did a double-take at your calendar.
 
1869 - The class system of the Edo Society in Japan is abolished as part of the Meiji Restoration. Now the people of Japan will no longer have to suffer through exhaustively intricate layers of hierarchy that permeate every aspect of life.
 
1918 - The city of Vancouver goes on strike. This has never happened before in Canada, and there is panic that this is part of some Bolshevik plot. But no, it turns out it's just regular workers being pissed off at being treated like cannon fodder, as usual.
 
1923 - Corrupt womanizer with possible mob ties Warren G. Harding dies, to be replaced as president by a creepy guy with a pet alligator who barely speaks. It's an interesting time in American politics.
 
1934 - German president Paul von Hindenburg dies. His chancellor, one Adolf Hitler, decides they don't need a new president, and that he'll just be Führer now. And everyone's apparently fine with that.
 
1989 - Now that Pakistan has restored democracy after 17 years, the Commonwealth decides to let them back into the club.
 
1990 - Iraq under Saddam Hussein invades Kuwait. They will come to regret this.
 

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8 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1934 - German president Paul von Hindenburg dies. His chancellor, one Adolf Hitler, decides they don't need a new president, and that he'll just be Führer now. And everyone's apparently fine with that.

Everyone who doesn't want to be imprisoned and accidentally die is fine with that.

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8 hours ago, Illjwamh said:
 
1923 - Corrupt womanizer with possible mob ties Warren G. Harding dies, to be replaced as president by a creepy guy with a pet alligator who barely speaks. It's an interesting time in American politics.

I wanna know more about that pet alligator who barely speaks...

10 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1980 - Iceland gets the world's first democratically elected head of state in President Vigdís Finnbogadóttir. Ah ah ah, Sri Lanka; Sirimavo Bandaranaike was only head of government. Doesn't count.

Is there a word missing from this? Like "female"? Because the US and France, among others, have had democratically elected heads of state for a long time.

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48 minutes ago, Don Edwards said:

I wanna know more about that pet alligator who barely speaks...

I think it was the vice president.

49 minutes ago, Don Edwards said:

Is there a word missing from this? Like "female"? Because the US and France, among others, have had democratically elected heads of state for a long time.

I think it was 'female'. Vigdis is indeed a woman.

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