Illjwamh

An interesting thought. Given that NP is mostly used for side stories and non-canon silliness, I'd never consider using it do determine "main characterness". That's just me, though. I'm hardly the end-all authority on the matter. As to whether or not they would be if I did - not yet. Numbers and frequency aren't quite there. That is neat, though really it's meant to be a teal shade of blue. I originally assigned colors based on most-common color schemes in the comics. Dan hasn't used color much lately though. I wonder if I should change it. That could cause problems, as I already have two other characters using shades of green. Hmmm. Fri. Sept. 14, 2018 Diane: 177 Rhoda: 56 Lucy: 15 FULL COUNT

On September 15 in History: 668 - Byzantine emperor Constans II is assassinated in Syracuse while taking a bath. With a bucket. Looks like this time, the bucket...kicked him. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH! 1795 - The British take control of the Dutch Cape Colony. Not because they need it or anything; they just don't want the Dutch to have it. 1812 - Napoleon and his men capture the Kremlin in Moscow. Victory at last! 1821 - Guatemala declares independence from Spain. The Spanish are so used to this by this point that they barely even care. 1835 - Charles Darwin arrives in the Galápagos Islands. I hope he gets to see some of the wildlife. I hear they're lovely over there. 1916 - Tanks are used in battle for the first time by the British at the Somme. It's all a bunch of fiddle-faddle, if you ask me. Nothing will ever beat a good, old-fashioned cavalry charge. Tally-ho! 1935 - Germany adopts a new flag, oh and by the way Jews aren't citizens anymore. The flag is mostly red, if you were wondering. Have a lovely day! 1952 - The UN gives control of Eritrea to Ethiopia. In hindsight, they probably should have asked the Eritreans about this. 2000 - The first Summer Olympic Games to take place in winter begin.

I definitely feel like I made the right call when I started counting Diane as one of the main characters. Wed. Aug. 29, 2018 Diane: 170 (tied w/ Ashley) Spiky Girl: 1st appearance Rounded Girl: 1st appearance *Dan basically outright said in the comments that we'll be seeing these two again Fri. Aug. 31, 2018 Diane: 171 (now 9th) Rhoda: 53 Lucy: 9 Mon. Sept. 3, 2018 Diane: 172 Lucy: 10 Rhoda: 54 Wed. Sept. 5, 2018 Lucy: 11 Diane: 173 Fri. Sept. 7, 2018 Lucy: 12 Diane: 174 Chad: 1st appearance *I don't care if he never shows up again. I'm not throwing away this chance to add the name "Chad" to my list Mon. Sept. 10, 2018 Diane: 175 Lucy: 13 Wed. Sept. 12, 2018 Diane: 176 Lucy: 14 Rhoda: 55 FULL COUNT

It's a lot easier to notice faults in other people than it is to recognize those same faults within ourselves.

"D-Diane no baka!!!!"

On September 11 in History: 1297 - Scots let by William Wallace and Andrew Moray defeat the English at the Battle of Stirling Bridge. If you've never heard of that second guy, it's because Mel Gibson is an actor with a torture fetish, not a historian. 1609 - The Kingdom of Valencia in eastern Spain orders the expulsion of Moriscos, who were the descendants of former Muslims who had converted to Christianity during the earlier Inquisition. Some folks just can't catch a break. 1609 again - The people of Manhattan Island discover the existence of Europeans when a dude named Henry Hudson shows up. 1852 - Buenos Aires secedes from Argentina. It doesn't stick. 1893 - The first Parliament of the World's Religions is held in Chicago. It will be 100 years before the next one. Remarkably, it turns out accomplishing anything with a group of people who all by definition believe each other to be fundamentally wrong about the universe is a difficult proposition. 1939 - Canada formally declares war on Germany. This is the first time they get to make the decision for themselves instead of Britain making it for them. Ostensibly. 1978 - Janet Parker is the last person to die of smallpox. This is possible because the anti-vax movement does not yet exist. 2001 - A national tragedy involving nearly 3,000 deaths - not including those of people who gave their lives trying to help - is utilized by pundits and 24 hour news networks as a stepping stone to total domination of media discourse. 2012 - A U.S. diplomatic compound is attacked in Benghazi, Libya. The four victims are honored by being used as fuel for political attacks for years to come.

On September 10 in History: 210 BCE - Qin Shi Huang, the first emperor of China, dies when alchemical potions designed to make him immortal do the opposite of that. 1419 - Duke John "The Fearless" of Burgundy is assassinated by two counselors of the French Dauphin he hadn't considered being afraid of. 1608 - John Smith is elected the council president of the Jamestown colony in Virginia by virtue of being the only one who knows what the **** he's doing. 1823 - Peru names Simón Bolívar its president. The fact that he is already president of Gran Colombia is considered a minor detail. 1897 - 19 unarmed striking immigrant miners are shot to death by a sheriff and his posse in Lattimer, Pennsylvania. The sheriff and his deputies claim the strikers started running at them. One can see how that would be frightening: a bunch of guys running backwards at you. They'll all be acquitted of course. But why am I even bringing this up? It can't possibly be relevant to anything going on today. 1919 - Following peace with Germany via the Treaty of Versailles in June, the Allies make peace with Austria in the Treaty of Saint-Germain-en-Laye. Once again conspicuously absent: the United States. I'm sure they've just got a lot going on. 1939 - The first British submarine to be lost in WWII, the HMS Oxley, is accidentally sunk by another British submarine, the HMS Triton. Whoopsie. 1939 again - Canada, though they have not been personally attacked and are not likely to be, joins the war against Germany because that's just how they roll. There is an awkward moment as they prepare to ship out when they politely offer the Americans to the chance to go first, but are told, "No no, you guys go ahead. We'll catch up with you." 1949 - American pundit Bill O'Reilly is born. After several botched attempts at a C-section, his mother grew frustrated and shouted, "F*** it, we'll do it live!" 1960 - Ethiopian marathon runner Abebe Bikila becomes the first citizen of a Sub-Saharan country to win an Olympic gold medal. Not turned off by the fact that he ran the event without shoes, numerous athletic companies begin vying to sponsor his feet. 1974 - Guinea-Bissau attains its independence from Portugal, which I point out purely because I have yet to mention Guinea-Bissau in any of these. 1977 - France carries out its last execution by guillotine. When someone suggest doing away with the death penalty altogether, the French reply, "Well now, let's not lose our heads." Everyone has a good laugh. 2001 - The Mayor of Campinas, Brazil, Antônio da Costa Santos, is assassinated. This is likely to dominate the news cycle for at least the next couple of days. 2002 - Switzerland determines that neutrality does not preclude them from joining the UN and hanging out with all their friends. 2008 - The Large Hadron Collider is powered up at CERN in Geneva. A black hole forms and exterminates all life as we know it.

On September 7 in history: 70 – Titus and his legions occupy and sack Jerusalem. I'd say the residents should get used to this, but who are we kidding? At this point, they already are. 878 - Louis "The Stammerer" becomes king of West Francia, way before George VI and Colin Firth made it cool. 1533 – Henry VIII is furious when Queen Anne Boleyn bears him a daughter, Elizabeth, instead of a son. "How am I going to ensure a strong ruler to guide and protect the realm after my death?" 1706 - While trying to determine the new ruler of Spain, Austrian reinforcements help defeat the French army laying siege to the city of Turin in Savoy, leading to the withdrawal of French forces from Italy. It makes sense in context. 1776 - According to the Americans, the world's first submarine attack takes place. According to the British, "Wait, what? Wtf are you talking about?" Somebody here has to be full of shit. 1778 - France invades the British colony of Dominica. This would be totally understandable if the British were aware that France has joined the Americans' war. 1812 – Napoleon's forces are victorious over Russia at the Battle of Borodino. He's got them on the ropes, now! 1821 – "Yeah no, we're gonna do our own thing." ~Emperor Pedro I of Brazil to Portugal 1864 - General William Tecumseh Sherman evacuates the city of Atlanta. Residents' first red flag should have been when he didn't have an answer to the question, "When can we come back?" 1916 - The U.S. government decides that its employees who are injured while doing their jobs should get some money or something. Sure is nice of them. 1921 - The first Miss America pageant is held in Atlantic City. Remarkably, no contestants are molested or harassed by a future U.S. president. 1940 - The German Luftwaffe begins the Blitz, a bombing campaign of British cities and towns lasting more than 50 nights in a row. The people of the UK respond in the most British manner imaginable: by going about their business. 1997 - Maiden flight of the F-22 Raptor. The U.S. Air Force begins designing its replacement.

On September 5 in History: 1638 - Louis XIV of France crests over the horizon. 1666 - The Great Fire of London ends. This is less due to efforts to put it out and more due to not much London left to burn. Only six deaths, though. Gotta take the W where you can find it. 1698 - Tsar Peter I institutes a tax on beards amongst the nobility. The dilemma faced by Russian nobles now is: Do I shave to save money, or grow a massive beard to show off how ridiculously rich I am? 1774 - The First Continental Congress convenes. They will agree on nothing except when to meet next. Just like today! 1839 - China runs afoul of its belligerent drug dealer, the UK. 1941 - The good news: The occupying Soviets are pushed out of Estonia. The bad news: by Nazi Germany. 1946 - Freddie Mercury is born into real life. There is no escape from reality for him, and for the first time, he opens his eyes and sees. 1972 - Terrorist group Black September abducts (and eventually kills) 11 Israeli athletes in Munich, Germany. I don't wanna spoil the movie or anything, but it...doesn't end well for them. 1977 - NASA Launches Voyager 1. Had they known it would eventually result in Star Trek: The Motion Picture, they may have thought twice, scientific discovery be damned. 1990 - Birth of Kim Yeon-ah. The attending doctor is amazed how flawlessly she sticks the landing.

On September 4 in history: 476 - Romulus Augustulus, the last Roman emperor, is deposed. This marks the end of the Western Roman Empire and the birth of the Kingdom of Italy. This means Rome both came in and went out on a Romulus. 1666 - London continues to be on fire. 1781 - The town of El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora La Reina de los Ángeles de Porciúncula is founded, with a population of 44. Now known colloquially as L.A., it would seem the town's name is inversely proportionate in length to how many people live there. 1862 - General Robert E. Lee decides that invading the North/Union would be a good idea. Is is not a good idea. 1882 - Thomas Edison flips a switch and activates the world's first commercial power plant. It provides power for one square mile of lower Manhattan, with just enough left over to quash Tesla's dreams. Edison then chuckles menacingly while stroking a white cat. 1886 - Apache leader Geronimo finally surrenders to U.S. forces after nearly thirty years of fighting. His ghost would later frighten untold thousands of young servicemen out of transport aircraft. 1957 - The governor of Arkansas determines that military intervention is necessary to prevent a bunch of kids from going to school. There's no added punchline here; it's a joke already. 1957 again - Speaking of punchlines: the Ford Edsel. That is all. 1981 - Kanye West interrupts a young couple meeting their newborn for the first time to inform them that Beyoncé is born. 1998 - Google is founded when the likes of Bill Gates and Steve Jobs did not foresee a couple of kids leaping to the forefront of the latest technological industry, or in other words "exactly what Bill Gates and Steve Jobs did". 2006 - Steve Irwin tragically dies doing what he loves. What follows is an extremely tasteless joke involving crocodiles; I won't subject you to it.

The main thing to consider with this one is just how much preparation was necessary. Road signs needed to be changed, traffic signals adjusted, roads repainted, and most importantly of all, information disseminated so that absolutely everyone knew the change was taking place. A colossal undertaking.

On Sept. 3 in history: 301 - San Marino, the 5th smallest country in the world, declares its independence from the Roman Empire. They never really got on board with the whole "emperor" thing, and wanted to go back to the old republic style. They're nothing if not consistent, as the oldest republic in the world. 1189 - Richard I "the Lionheart" is crowned King of England in Westminster. He never sets foot in England again. 1260 - The Mongols lose a fight to the Mamluks in Palestine, and they're so down about it that they just don't feel like conquering anymore. 1783 - The Treaty of Paris confirms that those uppity colonials really do get to call themselves a country after all. 1802 - On Westminster Bridge, William Wordsworth composes the aptly titled "Composed upon Westminster Bridge, September 3, 1802." 1939 - France, the U.K., New Zealand, and Australia all declare war on Germany in response to the latter's invasion of Poland. They proceed to blockade Germany's ports, declare, "That ought to do it," and take no further action for the next six months. 1943 - The Allies invade Italy on the same day that Italy officially gives up. It makes sense in context. 1965 - Charlie Sheen is born to actor Martin Sheen and a Sumatran tiger. 1967 - In one day, the entire country of Sweden switches from driving on the left to driving on the right. Meanwhile, in America, the process of switching from paperwork to computers for government offices has been ongoing for decades.

I was actually thinking of Star Wars, but you can take your pick, really. *sigh*

Oh god, I can't stop watching this.

On August 30 in History: 526 - King Theoderic the Great of the Ostrogoths dies of dysentery. He should have stopped to rest and increased rations. 1590 - Tokugawa Ieyasu takes up residence in a little place called Edo Castle. He'll probably just hang there for a bit before moving to somewhere a little more impressive. 1797 - Mary Shelley is born. I have no proof that the midwife who delivered her screamed, "It's alive! It's ALIVE!", but I'm going to keep pretending she did. 1918 - The attempted assassination of Bolshevik leader Vladimir Lenin prompts the party to institute the Red Terror, resulting in the deaths of perhaps hundreds of thousands of people. No kill like overkill. 1945 - Emperor Bảo Đại abdicates, allowing Vietnam to become a republic. The region will enjoy peace and prosperity for decades to come. 1963 - The direct hotline between leaders in Washington DC and Moscow is installed. They got the idea from Batman. 1967 - Thurgood Marshall becomes the first African-American U.S. Supreme Court Justice. White SCOTUS fans immediately decry this as pandering, and complain that they aren't represented anymore. 1991 - Azerbaijan jumps on the bandwagon and out of the USSR. American diplomats scramble to find out where the hell Azerbaijan is. 2015 - Wes Craven dies in his home surrounded by loved ones. Worst twist ending ever.

I completely agree (with this, and your comments from the previous page that I can't quote for some reason), but at least Dan's in good company. J.K. Rowling had this same problem when it came to Hogwarts, and the Wizarding World in general.

It's not unusual for high schoolers to be virgins. At least as many of my friends were as weren't. Moreover, it makes sense for Diane specifically. She's not interested in relationships or sex (at least, she never was before), only in manipulating people into giving her things. Sex would have likely felt too much like a "trade" to her, and thus ruined the power dynamic. Though I am surprised she never realized people would assume she wasn't a virgin. For most of the others, too, I have no trouble whatsoever believing them to be virgins. Elliot - his reasons have already been explained. Sarah - not for lack of trying Tedd - before he met Grace, of course he was. After Grace...well, living in the same house together with his dad might have made it a little awkward, but I probably would be shocked if they hadn't taken that step by now. Grace - See above Nanase - It's been heavily implied that she and Ellen are not. Ellen - See above Susan - Of course she is Justin - Luke is the first chance he's had Ashley - Who can say? But given that she dated someone as manipulative as Tom, likely not. The meta reason of course is likely that Dan is projecting his own experiences/values/preferences onto his characters. Makes sense to me.

Mon. Jul 30, 2018 Voltaire: 26 Demitrius: 16 (2018 debut) Helena: 22 (2018 debut) Fashionable Immortal: 1st appearance Bushy Mustache Immortal: 1st appearance Hanma: 1st appearance Zeus: 22 *I'm including the two as-yet unknown immortals because their unique character designs, as well as the direction this story is going, lead me to believe they will appear again. Wed. Aug. 1, 2018 Pandora: 118 *Unlike Jerry and Zeus, we know from the WoM itself that Pandora is still Pandora Mon. Aug. 20, 2018 Diane: 166 Wed. Aug. 22, 2018 Rhoda: 51 (1st appearance since 2015) Diane: 167 Lucy: 7 (1st appearance since 2013) Fri. Aug. 24, 2018 Rhoda: 52 Diane: 168 Lucy: 8 Susan: 503 Mon. Aug. 27, 2018 Diane: 169 Mr. Raven: 115 *nameless douchenozzles are nameless FULL COUNT

On August 25 in History: 766 - Byzantine emperor Constantine V, whose epithet literally means "poopy name", breaks the mold of imperial assassination plots by discovering one, publicly humiliating the conspirators, and executing the leaders. "I am rubber and you are glue" taken up to eleven. 1270 - King Louis IX of France dies while on Crusade in that holiest of holy lands, Tunisia. 1609 - Galileo demonstrates one of his telescopes in Venice. Why a society of merchant sailors would want something that lets you see things that are far away is a mystery for the ages. 1823 - Fur trapper Hugh Glass is mauled by a bear in the wilderness of South Dakota. He refuses to die before first taking his revenge on an uptight Academy that has yet to reward the incomparably talented Leonardo DiCaprio. 1825 - Uruguay declares its independence from the recently independent Empire of Brazil, who are unaffected by the irony. 1875 - Capt. Matthew Webb becomes the first person to ever swim the English Channel, marking the birth of a new era of people who have nothing better to do. 1894 - Dr. Kitasato Shibasaburō discovers the pathogen that causes bubonic plague, just a few days before a white guy working separately does the same. He publishes his findings in The Lancet, and also in the less-read journal, "Discoveries That Would Have Been Really Useful 550 Years Ago". 1920 - The counterattacking Soviet Red Army are defeated for all time by the invading Polish in the Battle of Warsaw, who in the resulting ceasefire will ultimately see their borders expand by roughly 200 meters. Totally worth it! 1930 – Sean Connery is born in a tuxedo. 1939 - The UK promises to defend Poland in the event they are invaded by a foreign power. It's good to be cautious, but I really don't think there's much to worry about. 1944 - The only time in recorded history that Parisians are happy to see a bunch of Brits and Americans. 1980 - Zimbabwe joins the United Nations. No one told them memberships weren't being given out in alphabetical order. 1991 - Belarus breaks up with the Soviet Union, since it's what all the cool countries are doing, but they still text each other all the time without telling anyone. 2012 - Voyager 1 is the first man-made object to enter interstellar space. Sapient species around the galaxy coordinate a strategy of acting like they're not home.

In Korea, people dress for the time of year rather than the weather. If it's September 30 and 55 degrees, short sleeves are still the norm. The next day could be exactly the same and everyone has a jacket. March 31 and 78 degrees? Long sleeves, man. Next day same? Break out the T-shirts! Deviation from this will get you bewildered looks.

Am I the only one who suspects Rhoda has been increasing the size of Lucy's breasts incrementally such that she won't notice?

I know I'm late to the party, but I just have to say: Yes, more Diane please. Thank you, Dan. As for kids being jerks to each other, well, that's been true for as long as there have been kids.

On August 20 in History: 636 - Arab forces under Khalid ibn al-Walid wrest control of the Levant from the Byzantine Empire in the Battle of Yarmouk. No worries; we'll take it back later. This "Islam" is just some passing fad. 917 - The Battle of Achelous is simultaneously one of the greatest Bulgarian success stories and one of the greatest Byzantine disasters. Bulgaria now definitively controls almost the entire Balkan peninsula. No worries; we'll...we'll take it back later. Yeah, later. 1191 - Richard I of England (the Lionheart), tired of waiting for Saladin to agree to his demands upon conquering the city of Acre, executes between 2600 and 3000 Muslim captives in full view of the Saracen army. I don't see this coming back to haunt anyone. 1858 - Charles Darwin first publishes his wildly radical theory that life did not magically appear out of nothing in its present form. 1882 - The 1812 Overture debuts in Moscow. Better late than never? 1890 - H.P. Lovecraft emerges from the fathomless depths. 1910 - The "Big Burn" ignites in Eastern Washington, Northern Idaho, Southeastern BC, and Western Montana. Over two days, it burns over 3,000,000 acres and kills 87 people. To get an idea of what living through this was like, go there right now. 1926 - Welcome to the NHK! Obligatory obscure pop-culture reference joke? Check. 1940 - Ramón Mercader assassinates Leon Trotsky in Mexico City with an ice axe, of all things. For his troubles, he is awarded the USSR's highest civilian honor, which I'm sure was a comfort to him during his 20 years in Mexican prison. 1940 again - Winston Churchill reminds everyone chilling at home that they owe their continued existence to a handful of badass, ballsy pilots. 1960 - Senegal to Mali: "We out." 1974 - Amy Adams is born. Everyone's day gets a little brighter. 1986 - A U.S. Postal employee named Patrick Sherrill goes postal, shooting 14 of his coworkers and then himself. If you were wondering where that expression came from, now you know. 1991 - A failed coup attempt by members of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union - who were concerned that Mikhail Gorbachev's policies would lead to the dissolution of the Soviet Union - directly leads to the dissolution of the Soviet Union. 1991 again - Estonia to USSR: "We out." 1993 - The confusingly named Oslo Accords are signed in Washington, DC between the state of Israel and the Palestinian Authority, each acknowledging the other's existence. It solves everything. 1998 - The Supreme Court of Canada informs the province of Quebec that they cannot leave without permission. "Dude, don't call their bluff," advises the state of Georgia. 2017 - Jerry Lewis dies. A tragedy, really. He was never more than 9 years old.

On August 16 in History: 1 BCE - Wang Mang is declared Marshal of State in Han China. The only reason I put this in here is because I'm apparently twelve years old and find his name amusing. 1328 - The House of Gonzaga comes to power in the Duchy of Mantua. They'll hold it until 1708, and the local news networks will talk of nothing else the entire time. 1812 - General William Hull earns the title of biggest wuss in U.S. military history when he surrenders Fort Detroit to an inferior (in numbers) British and Native army without a fight. 1858 - U.S. President James Buchanan and Queen Victoria (you know the one) exchange greetings in the inauguration of the transatlantic telegraph cable. The Queen's read: "Lovely to hear from you. Stop. I'll not keep you. Stop. I know your work as president is impotent. Stop. Oh, damn. I meant important. Stop. Bloody autocorrect. Stop." 1888 - T.E. Lawrence (later of Arabia) is born. Several Academy Award statuettes are prepared in advance. 1958 - Madonna is born. No one thinks it is pretentious of her parents to name her after the most common appellation for the Christian mother of God. 1960 - Cyprus becomes the 437th country to obtain independence from Great Britain. 1966 - The House Un-American Activities committee starts looking for people aiding the Viet Cong. Despite many Americans' surprise that this is even still a thing, it manages to remain in operation for another nine years, until finally fizzling out, since looking for Charlies isn't nearly as exciting or glamorous as looking for Commies or Nazis. 1991 - Evanna Lynch is born. Full disclosure: she's my biggest celebrity crush and I was just looking for an excuse to shoehorn her in here.

For no reason! On August 15 in history: 717 - The second Arab siege of Constantinople begins. Remember this; we'll come back to it later. 718 - The second Arab siege of Constantinople is lifted. What? I didn't say very much later. 1040 - Duncan I of Scotland is killed in battle by his cousin Macbeth, which everyone remembers incorrectly thanks to Shakespeare writing a play about it that we're not allowed to mention. 1057 - King Macbeth is killed in battle. Freaky coincidence aside, most surviving accounts of the time say he was a fairly decent fellow - but that doesn't make for good theater. 1248 - The foundation stone is laid for Cologne Cathedral. It would be completed in the year 1880. German industriousness at its finest. 1281 - For the second time, Kublai Khan attempts an invasion of Japan. For the second time, he is repulsed by a typhoon, and by samurai shooting arrows into his remaining soldiers. He takes the hint and does not try again. 1483 - Pope Sixtus IV consecrates the Sistine Chapel - a lavish holy church covered in paintings of naked people. 1519 - Panama City is founded. Wait for it... 1914 - The Panama Canal opens. What is it about this date that lends itself to significant echoes? Also, they should have waited just one more year. 1939 - Premier of The Wizard of Oz. Audiences are disappointed when a dog reveals the entrance to the projectionist's booth. 1945 - Japan surrenders, ending World War II. Did I say today's list was for no reason? Shame on you if you believed me. 1947 - Independence for India. They join the Commonwealth of course; they still want to hang out with all their friends. 1960 - Independence for Congo. Sadly for them, there is no commonwealth for former French colonies. Citizens of the Republic of the Congo are seen looking longingly over at India and sighing at all the fun they're missing out on. 1963 - President Fulbert Youlou of the Republic of the Congo is overthrown. Wait, didn't they just...good lord, get it together down there. 1969 - Woodstock begins. A pivotal moment in music history that has essentially been reduced to fodder for hippie gags in modern popular culture. 1971 - Independence for Bahrain, who decide they're way too cool for the Commonwealth. 1990 - Actress Jennifer Lawrence is born, presumably in the most charming and adorable manner imaginable. There was going to be one more from 1998, but it was a terrorist bombing in Northern Ireland and I didn't want to end on a downer.