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      Welcome!   03/05/2016

      Welcome, everyone, to the new 910CMX Community Forums. I'm still working on getting them running, so things may change.  If you're a 910 Comic creator and need your forum recreated, let me know and I'll get on it right away.  I'll do my best to make this new place as fun as the last one!

Illjwamh

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Everything posted by Illjwamh

  1. This Day In History

    Because why not? On March 30 in History: 1432 - Future Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II is born. A collective chill runs up the spine of every citizen of Constantinople, but is dismissed as just the wind. 1841 - The National Bank of Greece, a private company owned by a Swiss man, is founded. The nation of Greece is immediately in debt to it. 1863 - The Greeks need a king. "Hey, how about this Danish guy?" "Sure, seems legit." 1867- U.S. Secretary of State William Seward buys a massive piece of land from Russia for peanuts. It is filled with gold, oil, and myriad untold natural and mineral resources. He is mocked for it until his dying day. 1870 - The United States let Texas back in. Both sides regret it to this day. 1870 again - The U.S. Constitution is amended to make clear that non-white people should be allowed to vote. Not women, though. That'd be crazy. 1981 - John Hinckley, Jr. shoots the president of the United States in order to impress a young girl he saw in a movie. It reportedly does not work.
  2. Crazy Counting Guy

    Thanks for hitting the brakes before derailing the thread, guys. Mon. Apr. 2, 2018 Elliot: 899 Magus: 47 Ellen: 641 Wed. Apr. 4, 2018 Elliot: 900 (1st) Magus: 48 Ellen: 642 Fri. Apr. 6, 2018 Magus: 49 Elliot: 901 Mon. Apr. 9, 2018 Elliot: 902 Magus: 50 (27th) Wed. Apr. 11, 208 Magus: 51 Elliot: 903 Fri. Apr. 13, 2018 Magus: 52 Elliot: 904 Ashley: 148 Arthur: 24 Sybil: 3 (2018 debut) Mon. Apr. 16, 2018 Arthur: 25 Magus: 53 Ashley: 149 Wed. Apr. 18, 2018 Golem: 1st appearance Ashley: 150 (10th) Kevin: 1st appearance Fri. Apr. 20. 2018 Ashley: 151 Kevin: 2 Golem: 2 FULL COUNT
  3. Crazy Counting Guy

    It's going to be a while before this is up and running again, since while I still have and use my notebook, it's been a while since I've updated it and I relied on the thread in the old forum to remind me of when I left off. I've heard rumors of an attempt at data recovery, but barring that I'll probably have to recount a lot of things to make sure I'm on track.
  4. This Day In History

    On April 20 in History: 1453 - A few Genoese galleys and one Byzantine blockade runner manage to fight their way through the Ottoman blockade during the siege of Constantinople. This ought to turn the tides! 1653 - "What is this, a Parliament of butts? GTFO." ~ Oliver Cromwell 1861 - Robert E. Lee, showing his great appreciation for the excellent military education provided for him by the U.S. government, accepts command of their enemy's army. 1862 - Louis Pasteur and Claude Bernard fail to spontaneously create life out of nothing. 1889 - Three different men, all independent from each other, are arrested and charged with the unthinkable crime of attempting to murder a newborn infant boy in the Austrian town of Braunau am Inn. All three attempt the same ludicrous defense that they are "from the future". 1902 - Pierre and Marie Curie successfully isolate radium and are awarded Nobel Prizes (along with some other guy). Despite their collaboration, Pierre is historically overshadowed by the accomplishments of his spouse, causing male professionals in all fields to say, "Oh, so that's what that feels like." 1946 - The League of Nations transfers what little power it has left to the United Nations before dissolving away, presumably in the form of a glowing ball of light accompanied by an epic yet heart-wrenching swell in the background music. 1999 - Two boys bring guns to their high school and kill a bunch of people, injuring several more, in the self-proclaimed most advanced nation on Earth. Naturally, the public is outraged and immediately takes action to ensure this kind of thing only happens several dozen more times before something is done about it. 2010 - An oil rig explodes in the Gulf of Mexico, killing eleven people and spilling crude oil into the environment for the following six months, because for some reason solar panels just aren't feasible or something.
  5. This Day In History

    And for today: On April 18 in History: 1025 - Bolesław Chrobry is crowned the first King of Poland in a town even more difficult to pronounce than his name. 1506 - The cornerstone is laid for St. Peter's Basilica, because Jesus was totally kidding about that whole "give to those who have none" thing. 1775 - Paul Revere is arrested in a pub while 40 other men are out warning the countryside of a British advancement. Because his name rhymes with lots of things, he is later given credit for this. 1831 - The University of Alabama is founded. Attendance is low, as applicants are required to count higher than the number of fingers they have. 1906 - Despite earthquakes not being uncommon in the area, the phrase "The Great San Francisco Earthquake" ceases to be ambiguous. 1909 - Joan of Arc is beatified. Better late than never. 1930 - The BBC declares there is no news to report, then just play out to some piano music. There's no additional commentary; this is a thing that happened. 1942 - Four Japanese cities are bombed in the Doolittle raid as retaliation for the assault on Pearl Harbor months before. A big boost to morale, military leaders later felt they could have accomplished just as much for less money by simply giving Japan the finger. 2012 - Dick Clark passes away. Many of his fans are caught off-guard, having forgotten he was actually old. 2194 - Mankind leaves the Earth for the last time, as it has become uninhabitable. On the bright side, our new home seems quite receptive to mango trees.
  6. This Day In History

    Since I actually had this one done but forgot to post it: On April 17 in History: 1397 - Geoffrey Chaucer first recites the Canterbury Tales before the court of Richard II. Onlookers are perplexed when he pronounces the same words multiple different ways within a single breath. 1492 - The Capitulations of Santa Fe are signed, leading to Christopher Columbus's famed voyage. Most of the Spanish court (correctly) believe his ideas to be idiotic, but consider both potential outcomes - he succeeds and brings wealth and glory to Spain, or fails and they are rid of him - desirable. 1945 - Brazilian troops liberate Montese, Italy from Nazi occupation. This sentence sounds ridiculous to anyone whose education is restricted to the History Channel. 1949 - The Republic of Ireland is formed. This does not stop Americans from asking Dubliners, "That's in England, right?" 1961 - The most hilariously named invasion in U.S. military history takes place. Despite the controversy surrounding the move, many political cartoonists dismiss it as "too easy". 1970 - The crew of Apollo 13 returns safely to Earth. Several Academy Award statuettes are prepared in advance. 2013 - A fertilizer plant explodes in West Texas. Surprised exclamations of "Holy shit!" are deemed to be in poor taste.
  7. Story Wednesday, Apr 18, 2018

    ASHLEY IS A WIZARD! I'm sorry, I will be unable to focus on anything other than this for at least the next few hours.
  8. This Day In History

    Let's see if I can get through this without making any tax jokes. On April 15 in History: 1452 - Leonardo da Vinci enters the world, along with a portrait, a sculpture, and a rube goldberg blueprint he made in the womb. 1632 - Sweden kicks the crap out of the Holy Roman Empire and the Catholic League at the Battle of Rain, which is named NOT, as I was dismayed to learn, because it took place in an epic torrential downpour, but because it took place outside the village of Rain. Boooo-riiiiing. 1865 - President Abraham Lincoln dies due to complications arising from being shot in the head. 1892 - The General Electric company is founded. Wanting to leave their options open, they figure they'll make some things related to electricity, but don't focus on anything specific. 1912 - The RMS Titanic sinks due to complications arising from being full of ocean water. Several Academy Award statuettes are prepared in advance, which is surely great comfort to the 1517 people who don't survive. 1947 - Jackie Robinson makes another great stride toward equality by being paid to hit a ball with a stick in the same place white people do it. 2013 - A bomb explodes at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, which is way too recent for me to be flippant about. Instead, might I direct your attention to this adorable kitten?
  9. This Day In History

    "I, uh...caught a really big haddock once." Reminds me of Brian Regan's "I walked on the moon" bit. If you've never seen it, check it out. It's a treat.
  10. This Day In History

    On April 14 in History: 69 - In what will later become known as the Year of the Four Emperors, Vitellius seizes the Imperial throne of Rome. Little does he know that history will remember him as little more than "# 3". 193 - In what will later become known as the Year of the FIVE Emperors, Septimus Severus is proclaimed emperor by his soldiers. His first proclamation is rumored to have been, "Suck it, Vitellius." 1471 - Edward IV becomes King of England for the second time during the War of the Roses. His dynasty would continue for another 14 years, making the 30-year conflict totally worth it. 1775 - The first North American abolition society, dubbed The Society for the Relief of Free Negroes Unlawfully Held in Bondage, is formed. Their first order of business is to decide on a name that is easier to remember. 1828 - Noah Webster copyrights his first dictionary, in which he puts pictures of himself alongside the definitions of "genius", "magnificent", and "well-endowed". 1846 - A party of pioneers led by the Donner family heads out for California. They are excited about a new route that is rumored to cut the travel time significantly, meaning they don't have to spend as much on provisions. 1865 - Mary Todd Lincoln finally manages to get her workaholic husband to take her to the theater. Unamused by the evening's productions, the U.S. President is overheard muttering the phrase, "Somebody shoot me." 1912 - The RMS Titanic hits an iceberg, and it is discovered that the White Star Line's publicists and engineers have vastly different definitions of the word "unsinkable". 1939 - "The Grapes of Wrath" is published. Millions of high school students across America inexplicably become drowsy and disinterested. 1988 - The Soviet Union pledges to withdraw its troops from Afghanistan. As a result, the region has enjoyed general peace and prosperity ever since.
  11. Things You Only Noticed On Reread

    Why would they mention it? Everyone knows what it is, and everyone knows everyone else knows what it is. That would be like finding it weird they didn't talk about the need to wear clothes at the party.
  12. This Day In History

    I made this one on request for my cousin's birthday last year: On April 13 in History: 1204 - Constantinople is conquered by Christian invaders. Wait, what? That can't be right. But it is. It is right. What the hell is the matter with everyone? 1570 - Guy Fawkes is born. In a strange twist of fate, his only notable historical achievement is failing to do something. 1613 - Pocahontas is captured by English colonists for ransom. She will end up converting to Christianity, refusing to go back home, and marrying a colonist. Interestingly, Disney left this bit out of their adaptation, saying, "We just did Stockholm Syndrome three movies ago." 1849 - Hungary becomes a republic. "Haha. Adorable." ~Austria 1861 - Fort Sumter surrenders to Confederate forces, kicking off a four-year conflict of Americans brutally killing each other over disagreements regarding the ownership of other human beings. 1919 - The Republic of Korea establishes a provisional government. "Haha. Adorable." ~Japan 1953 - The CIA launches Project MKUltra, a program designed to develop and experiment with mind control. This sounds alarming, but they basically just dope a bunch of people with LSD. 1964 - Sidney Poitier is the first black actor to win an Academy Award, beginning a long-running trend of honoring artists of varying ethnic backgrounds for their contributions to .... hahaha, I can't even finish typing it. 1970 - An oxygen tank explodes on board the Apollo 13 spacecraft. The crew politely ask that they be rescued before any Academy Award statuettes are prepared. Also, Commander James Lovell gains the dubious honor of being the only person to go all the way to the moon TWICE and never actually walk on it. 1976 - The U.S. reintroduces the $2 bill. Because of the novelty, everyone keeps them instead of spending them, which in turn causes them to be impossible to spend since no one believes they're real. 1980 - Someone related to me is born. As a direct result, you all get to read this. Be sure and thank him. 1997 - Tiger Woods is the youngest golfer ever to win the Masters Tournament. He will turn this notoriety into so, so much tail.
  13. Things You Only Noticed On Reread

    According to my calculations, yes. In fact, the last time he showed up in a story comic was way back in 2010.
  14. This Day In History

    Aw, thanks! I probably won't have something everyday, but it's nice to know people enjoy this kind of thing. On April 10 in History: 837 - Halley's Comet makes its closest approach to Earth. Of course, Edmond Halley won't be born for another 800 years, so it is known at this time as, "Holy Shit, What The F*** Is That?" 1512 - James V of Scotland, later also James 0 of England, is born. That's it; I have been reduced to recycling jokes. 1606 - A royal charter from James I establishes the Virginia Company of London, for purposes of colonial settlements in North America. They have a low bar to clear; if their first attempt manages not to vanish completely without a trace, it will be considered a success. 1815 - Mount Tambora begins erupting. I say "begins" because it won't stop for another three months. The initial explosion can be heard on Sumatra more than 2,000 miles away, and the resulting changes in weather worldwide lead to the biggest famine of the century. Suck it, Vesuvius. 1816 - The creation of the Second Bank of the United States is approved. "We'll see about this," says Andrew Jackson. 1864 - Maximilian I, a Habsburg and younger brother of Austrian emperor Franz Joseph I, becomes Emperor of Mexico, proving once again that history is a lot crazier than most people realize. 1912 - The RMS Titanic sets sail for America on her maiden voyage to little fanfare. There's so little press coverage that no one even bothers to take a photo. I mean, what's the big deal, right? It's not like we won't see it several hundred more times. 1970 - Paul McCartney leaves the Beatles for "personal and professional reasons". This is code for, "F*** off, I just don't want to be in the Beatles anymore. Mind your business." 1992 - Daisy Ridley is born. Thousands of people will clamor for years to find out who her parents are, only to learn they haven't heard of either of them. 1998 - The people of the UK and Ireland agree to try sharing and cooperating instead of killing each other. It seems to work for them.
  15. This Day In History

    April 6 in History: 1199 - Richard I of England dies of infection. His last words are, "I used to be a Crusader. Then I took an arrow to the shoulder." 1453 - Mehmed II's siege of Constantinople begins. All his friends are like, "Dude, it's been there for over a thousand years. You're never gonna get it; just let it go." 1483 - Raphael is born. Much to his dismay, he will eventually be more popular as a turtle. 1520 - Raphael dies. Worst. Birthday. Ever. 1830 - Mormons, Part 1! Joseph Smith creates a new religion in New York, because why not? 1860 - Mormons, Part 2! Joseph Smith III creates an offshoot sect of his father's religion, because that's apparently just what you do when your name is Joseph Smith. 1866 - The Grand Army of the Republic is formed. It consists not, as I was dismayed to learn, of genetically modified clones of a Mandalorian bounty hunter, but rather of Union veterans of the American Civil War. They don't even fight robots. 1893 - Mormons, Part 3! The dedication of Salt Lake Temple. What is it about April 6 in the LDS community? Is it just for tradition's sake now? Probability of "yes": 98%. 1896 - The first modern Olympic Games open, after the event had been banned by the Roman Empire 1500 years before. In your FACE, Theodosius! 1930 - Gandhi picks up a handful of salty goop. The British flip their shit. 1947 - The Tony Awards premier. Neil Patrick Harris hosts. 1973 - Upon realizing that older players gone to seed can still hit better than pitchers, the American League of Major League Baseball decides to let them. 2012 - Azawad declares independence from Mali. If you haven't heard of it and feel like you missed something, it's because it will rejoin Mali less than a year later.
  16. This Day In History

    Yay, Canada! Here's mine. On April 5 in History: 1242 - Alexander Nevsky's Russian forces defeat the Teutonic Order at the Battle on the Ice, history's first high profile hockey game. 1536 - The Roman Empire has been gone for over a thousand years, its successor for nearly a century, but that doesn't stop Charles V from pretending to be a Roman emperor as he enters the city Triumphantly. 1614 - Matoaka, also known as Pocahontas, marries one of her captors. Does it count as Stockholm Syndrome if the term hasn't been invented yet? Either way, makes for a shittier Disney movie. 1722 - Jacob Roggeveen stumbles upon Easter Island, continuing the European tradition of naming Pacific Islands after major holidays they happened to be discovered on. 1955 - Akira Toriyama is born. His power level is abnormally high for a baby. 1994 - Kurt Cobain commits suicide. It feels tasteless to write a joke about this one, so Nevermind. 2008 - Charlton Heston dies. In accordance with his wishes, his guns are pried from his hands. 2009 - North Korea launches a rocket that flies over mainland Japan. The United Nations has a stern talk with them.
  17. This Day In History

    I think you're jumping ahead a little there. On April 3 in history: 686 - Yuknoom Yich'aak K'ahk' becomes king of the Maya city-state of Calakmul. Translated, his name means "Jaguar Paw Smoke", which is just about the coolest name of any king anywhere ever. 801 - Louis the Pious captures Barcelona from the Moors. Oh, I'm sorry, that was the Moops. 1860 - The first Pony Express run - from St. Joseph, Missouri to Sacramento, California - begins. The finale of the William Tell Overture presumably accompanies the entire thing. 1865 - Union forces capture the Confederate capital of Richmond, Virginia. The Confederate higher-ups come to the conclusion that putting their capital within a day's journey from the Union capital was not their best idea. 1882 - Jesse James is shot in the back by Robert Ford, which everybody knows thanks to the title of an incredibly boring movie that nobody saw. 1888 - A woman is brutally murdered in the Whitechapel district of London's East End. This would happen ten more times, spawning the legend of one of history's most infamous killers, numerous games and derivative novels, and the most infuriating and frustrating episode of CSI ever. 1922 - Ioseb Besarionis dze Jughashvili, better known as Joseph Stalin, becomes the first General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. Savvy onlookers notice John Williams' "Imperial March" playing softly in the background. 1955 - The ACLU announces it will defend Allen Ginsberg's "Howl" against obscenity charges. In other news, obscenity charges were a thing. Wtf? 1981 - The first portable computer is unveiled. It weighs 23 and a half pounds, includes no battery, and has less computing power than my wristwatch. 2010 - The first generation iPad is released. I still don't need one, and I still want one.
  18. This Day In History

    No comments on my obvious bullcrap? Ah, well. Fo' real, tho: April 1 in History: 286 - Roman general Maximian is made co-emperor and ruler of the Western half of the empire by Diocletian. Both of his balls remain intact. 457 - Majorian is made emperor by the Roman army. You might start to notice something of a theme as we continue. 527 - Justin I names his nephew Justinian co-emperor and heir. Knowing Byzantine politics, he may well have been piss drunk when he did it. Turned out to be a really good idea anyway, though. 528 - The daughter of Emperor Xiaoming of Northern Wei becomes the first female monarch of China. It should tell you something that she only ruled for a day, she was instated officially as a male heir, and we only know her as "The Daughter of Emperor Xiaoming of Northern Wei". 1318 - The Scottish capture Berwick-upon-Tweed from England. Knowing the historical tensions between the two countries, if there was any poop-in-eye shenanigans going on, you can bet it wasn't a duck's. 1789 - The U.S. House of Representatives selects its very first Speaker of the House. If they were anything at all like today's House, that's all they accomplished that whole week. 1854 - Charles Dickens begins serializing his novel Hard Times, which as long as I never read, I'm going to continue assuming is full of boner jokes. 1918 - The RAF is formed. I have it on good authority that they do not allow chickens behind the controls of complex aircraft. 1924 - Hitler goes to jail. He may or may not have been violated repeatedly by angry, burly bikers with father issues and something to prove, but if I ever get a time machine, I'm totally selling that story to a tabloid. Also 1924 - The Royal Canadian Air Force is formed. They're both dead now, but their replacements still fly the original plane. 1944 - Thanks to faulty navigation, American planes accidentally bomb the Swiss city of Schaffhausen. Attempts to pass it off as an April Fool's Day prank are poorly received. 1957 - The BBC, in perhaps its single greatest broadcast of all time, convinced hundreds of people across Britain that spaghetti grew on trees. No, really. 2001 - Same-sex marriage becomes legal in the Netherlands, which is why that country no longer exists, having been wiped off the face of the earth by the angry fist of God two weeks later. 2009 - Croatia and Albania join NATO, because who even cares what the letters stand for anymore? 2015 - Misao Okawa, the oldest person in the world and the oldest Japanese person ever, dies at the age of 117 years, 27 days. Only four people in recorded history have lived longer than her.
  19. Crazy Counting Guy

    What, 900!?? There's...no way that can be right! Can it?
  20. Crazy Counting Guy

    Fri. Mar. 23, 2018 Ashley: 144 Sirleck: 28 Magus: 43 Mon. Mar. 26, 2018 Magus: 44 Elliot: 896 Ashley: 145 *Yes, we know that's Ellen but she's not in-panel enough to count Wed. Mar. 28, 2018 Magus: 45 Elliot: 897 Ellen: 640 Ashley: 146 Fri. Mar. 30, 2018 Elliot: 898 Ashley: 147 Magus: 46 Terra: 4 (2018 debut) FULL COUNT
  21. This Day In History

    On April 1 in History: 286 - While on a campaign, Roman general and future emperor Maximian has one of his testicles bitten of by an officer's hound. The dog choked, since it was obviously solid brass. 527 - Justinian I chooses the day he becomes co-emperor to get piss drunk and call everyone at court the most vulgar things he can imagine. As he's the emperor, they thank him and as for another. 1318 - A flock of ducks flying over Berwick-upon-Tweed manage to poop - not once, but twice - right in the mayor's eye. They were Scottish ducks. 1789 - The first U.S. Speaker of the House of Representatives pees himself in front of a full chamber during Congress's first full session. Everyone pretends not to notice. 1854 - Charles Dickens begins a magazine serial about boner jokes. 1924 - Adolf Hitler is sentenced to five years in prison, of which he only serves nine months, as recompense for the near-constant stream of anal violation he suffered while in there. 1949 - Canada invades Japan. All they want are the tuna, and they leave as quickly as they come. 2010 - Crab people attempt to co-opt American culture by making a reality TV show about a family of Irish Travelers.
  22. This Day In History

    On March 31 in History: 397 - Future king K'uk B'alam I of the Mayan city of Bàakʼ(Palenque) is born. I'm just putting this on here to emphasize how awesome it is that we know that. 1492 - Isabella of Castile to her Jewish and Muslim subjects: "Catholic or GTFO." 1596 - René Descartes begins thinking. 1631 - John Donne is finished. Caput. Finito. No more. Expired and gone to meet his maker. ...Okay, I'm done. 1854 - The Tokugawa Shogunate determines that allowing foreigners to trade is a better idea than being blown up. 1889 - The Eiffel Tower opens. It is a hideous metal monstrosity that will make Paris the laughing stock of the cultured world. 1949 - Newfoundland joins Canada, under condition that they will be the butt of all jokes for the next 150 years. 1995 - Selena is murdered by the president of her fan club, who decided she didn't like the singer as much after not being allowed to embezzle money from said club. 1998 - Refusing to let Microsoft have the last laugh, Netscape releases their browser source code for free.
  23. What Are You Listening To?

    Gerudo Valley
  24. Story Monday March 26 2018

    Is it weird that I actually prefer the unfinished Ashley face? Maybe it comes from reading so much manga. This was my interpretation.