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      Welcome!   03/05/2016

      Welcome, everyone, to the new 910CMX Community Forums. I'm still working on getting them running, so things may change.  If you're a 910 Comic creator and need your forum recreated, let me know and I'll get on it right away.  I'll do my best to make this new place as fun as the last one!

Illjwamh

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Illjwamh last won the day on February 4

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About Illjwamh

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  1. This Day In History

    That's precisely what makes it so embarrassing.
  2. This Day In History

    On April 25 in History: 404 BCE - Sparta finally defeats Athens in the Peloponnesian War. They determine that Athens is going to be one of their best buddies now. Athens is thrilled. 799 - The citizens of Rome are mean to Pope Leo III, so he runs away and asks for help from the king of the Franks - some guy named Charles. 1792 - Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle pens a startlingly gory call to arms that French citizens still sing proudly today whenever one of their countrymen wins a bobsled medal or something. 1846 - American Dragoons scouting in what they knew full well was territory claimed by Mexico are attacked and soundly defeated by Mexican forces. Upon hearing the news, President James K. Polk is outraged at this completely unforeseen turn of events, and determines he now simply has no choice but to go to war with Mexico and take a bunch of their land. A remarkable coincidence, as he'd just been trying to come up with a viable excuse to do that. 1898 - The United States retroactively declares war on Spain. It is SO a thing! 1915 - The landings at Gallipoli begin. This is the last time that phrase will be used to refer to an actual invasion of the Gallipoli peninsula, as opposed to simple shorthand for a catastrophic invasion attempt doomed to failure. 1916 - The first ANZAC Day is observed. From this year onward, citizens of Australia and New Zealand will commemorate soldiers lost not only in the doomed campaign, but in all wars. They also faithfully reenact the infamous battle by means of trying to find a parking space. 1936 - Henck Arron is born. He will consider being the first prime minister of Suriname a more impressive accomplishment than his fabulous home run count. 1944 - Incorporation of the United Negro College Fund, an organization everyone agrees is necessary due to the fact it's still considered appropriate to have the word "Negro" in it. 1959 - The St. Lawrence Seaway solves Canada's problem of the major city of Toronto being so far from the sea by simply bringing the sea to Toronto. 1983 - The leader of the Soviet Union writes a personal letter to a fifth grade girl in Maine, promising not to nuke her. 1990 - Violeta Chamorro becomes the first female president of Nicaragua. Get your act together, America! 1995 - Ginger Rogers dies. Her funeral will be carried out much the same as Fred Astaire's eight years before, but backwards and with everyone in fancier shoes.
  3. EGS Strip Slaying

    Stay whelmed, my friends.
  4. Crazy Counting Guy

    Thanks for hitting the brakes before derailing the thread, guys. Mon. Apr. 2, 2018 Elliot: 899 Magus: 47 Ellen: 641 Wed. Apr. 4, 2018 Elliot: 900 (1st) Magus: 48 Ellen: 642 Fri. Apr. 6, 2018 Magus: 49 Elliot: 901 Mon. Apr. 9, 2018 Elliot: 902 Magus: 50 (27th) Wed. Apr. 11, 208 Magus: 51 Elliot: 903 Fri. Apr. 13, 2018 Magus: 52 Elliot: 904 Ashley: 148 Arthur: 24 Sybil: 3 (2018 debut) Mon. Apr. 16, 2018 Arthur: 25 Magus: 53 Ashley: 149 Wed. Apr. 18, 2018 Golem: 1st appearance Ashley: 150 (10th) Kevin: 1st appearance Fri. Apr. 20. 2018 Ashley: 151 Kevin: 2 Golem: 2 FULL COUNT
  5. This Day In History

    On April 20 in History: 1453 - A few Genoese galleys and one Byzantine blockade runner manage to fight their way through the Ottoman blockade during the siege of Constantinople. This ought to turn the tides! 1653 - "What is this, a Parliament of butts? GTFO." ~ Oliver Cromwell 1861 - Robert E. Lee, showing his great appreciation for the excellent military education provided for him by the U.S. government, accepts command of their enemy's army. 1862 - Louis Pasteur and Claude Bernard fail to spontaneously create life out of nothing. 1889 - Three different men, all independent from each other, are arrested and charged with the unthinkable crime of attempting to murder a newborn infant boy in the Austrian town of Braunau am Inn. All three attempt the same ludicrous defense that they are "from the future". 1902 - Pierre and Marie Curie successfully isolate radium and are awarded Nobel Prizes (along with some other guy). Despite their collaboration, Pierre is historically overshadowed by the accomplishments of his spouse, causing male professionals in all fields to say, "Oh, so that's what that feels like." 1946 - The League of Nations transfers what little power it has left to the United Nations before dissolving away, presumably in the form of a glowing ball of light accompanied by an epic yet heart-wrenching swell in the background music. 1999 - Two boys bring guns to their high school and kill a bunch of people, injuring several more, in the self-proclaimed most advanced nation on Earth. Naturally, the public is outraged and immediately takes action to ensure this kind of thing only happens several dozen more times before something is done about it. 2010 - An oil rig explodes in the Gulf of Mexico, killing eleven people and spilling crude oil into the environment for the following six months, because for some reason solar panels just aren't feasible or something.
  6. This Day In History

    And for today: On April 18 in History: 1025 - Bolesław Chrobry is crowned the first King of Poland in a town even more difficult to pronounce than his name. 1506 - The cornerstone is laid for St. Peter's Basilica, because Jesus was totally kidding about that whole "give to those who have none" thing. 1775 - Paul Revere is arrested in a pub while 40 other men are out warning the countryside of a British advancement. Because his name rhymes with lots of things, he is later given credit for this. 1831 - The University of Alabama is founded. Attendance is low, as applicants are required to count higher than the number of fingers they have. 1906 - Despite earthquakes not being uncommon in the area, the phrase "The Great San Francisco Earthquake" ceases to be ambiguous. 1909 - Joan of Arc is beatified. Better late than never. 1930 - The BBC declares there is no news to report, then just play out to some piano music. There's no additional commentary; this is a thing that happened. 1942 - Four Japanese cities are bombed in the Doolittle raid as retaliation for the assault on Pearl Harbor months before. A big boost to morale, military leaders later felt they could have accomplished just as much for less money by simply giving Japan the finger. 2012 - Dick Clark passes away. Many of his fans are caught off-guard, having forgotten he was actually old. 2194 - Mankind leaves the Earth for the last time, as it has become uninhabitable. On the bright side, our new home seems quite receptive to mango trees.
  7. This Day In History

    Since I actually had this one done but forgot to post it: On April 17 in History: 1397 - Geoffrey Chaucer first recites the Canterbury Tales before the court of Richard II. Onlookers are perplexed when he pronounces the same words multiple different ways within a single breath. 1492 - The Capitulations of Santa Fe are signed, leading to Christopher Columbus's famed voyage. Most of the Spanish court (correctly) believe his ideas to be idiotic, but consider both potential outcomes - he succeeds and brings wealth and glory to Spain, or fails and they are rid of him - desirable. 1945 - Brazilian troops liberate Montese, Italy from Nazi occupation. This sentence sounds ridiculous to anyone whose education is restricted to the History Channel. 1949 - The Republic of Ireland is formed. This does not stop Americans from asking Dubliners, "That's in England, right?" 1961 - The most hilariously named invasion in U.S. military history takes place. Despite the controversy surrounding the move, many political cartoonists dismiss it as "too easy". 1970 - The crew of Apollo 13 returns safely to Earth. Several Academy Award statuettes are prepared in advance. 2013 - A fertilizer plant explodes in West Texas. Surprised exclamations of "Holy shit!" are deemed to be in poor taste.
  8. Story Wednesday, Apr 18, 2018

    ASHLEY IS A WIZARD! I'm sorry, I will be unable to focus on anything other than this for at least the next few hours.
  9. This Day In History

    Let's see if I can get through this without making any tax jokes. On April 15 in History: 1452 - Leonardo da Vinci enters the world, along with a portrait, a sculpture, and a rube goldberg blueprint he made in the womb. 1632 - Sweden kicks the crap out of the Holy Roman Empire and the Catholic League at the Battle of Rain, which is named NOT, as I was dismayed to learn, because it took place in an epic torrential downpour, but because it took place outside the village of Rain. Boooo-riiiiing. 1865 - President Abraham Lincoln dies due to complications arising from being shot in the head. 1892 - The General Electric company is founded. Wanting to leave their options open, they figure they'll make some things related to electricity, but don't focus on anything specific. 1912 - The RMS Titanic sinks due to complications arising from being full of ocean water. Several Academy Award statuettes are prepared in advance, which is surely great comfort to the 1517 people who don't survive. 1947 - Jackie Robinson makes another great stride toward equality by being paid to hit a ball with a stick in the same place white people do it. 2013 - A bomb explodes at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, which is way too recent for me to be flippant about. Instead, might I direct your attention to this adorable kitten?
  10. This Day In History

    "I, uh...caught a really big haddock once." Reminds me of Brian Regan's "I walked on the moon" bit. If you've never seen it, check it out. It's a treat.
  11. This Day In History

    On April 14 in History: 69 - In what will later become known as the Year of the Four Emperors, Vitellius seizes the Imperial throne of Rome. Little does he know that history will remember him as little more than "# 3". 193 - In what will later become known as the Year of the FIVE Emperors, Septimus Severus is proclaimed emperor by his soldiers. His first proclamation is rumored to have been, "Suck it, Vitellius." 1471 - Edward IV becomes King of England for the second time during the War of the Roses. His dynasty would continue for another 14 years, making the 30-year conflict totally worth it. 1775 - The first North American abolition society, dubbed The Society for the Relief of Free Negroes Unlawfully Held in Bondage, is formed. Their first order of business is to decide on a name that is easier to remember. 1828 - Noah Webster copyrights his first dictionary, in which he puts pictures of himself alongside the definitions of "genius", "magnificent", and "well-endowed". 1846 - A party of pioneers led by the Donner family heads out for California. They are excited about a new route that is rumored to cut the travel time significantly, meaning they don't have to spend as much on provisions. 1865 - Mary Todd Lincoln finally manages to get her workaholic husband to take her to the theater. Unamused by the evening's productions, the U.S. President is overheard muttering the phrase, "Somebody shoot me." 1912 - The RMS Titanic hits an iceberg, and it is discovered that the White Star Line's publicists and engineers have vastly different definitions of the word "unsinkable". 1939 - "The Grapes of Wrath" is published. Millions of high school students across America inexplicably become drowsy and disinterested. 1988 - The Soviet Union pledges to withdraw its troops from Afghanistan. As a result, the region has enjoyed general peace and prosperity ever since.
  12. Things You Only Noticed On Reread

    Why would they mention it? Everyone knows what it is, and everyone knows everyone else knows what it is. That would be like finding it weird they didn't talk about the need to wear clothes at the party.
  13. This Day In History

    I made this one on request for my cousin's birthday last year: On April 13 in History: 1204 - Constantinople is conquered by Christian invaders. Wait, what? That can't be right. But it is. It is right. What the hell is the matter with everyone? 1570 - Guy Fawkes is born. In a strange twist of fate, his only notable historical achievement is failing to do something. 1613 - Pocahontas is captured by English colonists for ransom. She will end up converting to Christianity, refusing to go back home, and marrying a colonist. Interestingly, Disney left this bit out of their adaptation, saying, "We just did Stockholm Syndrome three movies ago." 1849 - Hungary becomes a republic. "Haha. Adorable." ~Austria 1861 - Fort Sumter surrenders to Confederate forces, kicking off a four-year conflict of Americans brutally killing each other over disagreements regarding the ownership of other human beings. 1919 - The Republic of Korea establishes a provisional government. "Haha. Adorable." ~Japan 1953 - The CIA launches Project MKUltra, a program designed to develop and experiment with mind control. This sounds alarming, but they basically just dope a bunch of people with LSD. 1964 - Sidney Poitier is the first black actor to win an Academy Award, beginning a long-running trend of honoring artists of varying ethnic backgrounds for their contributions to .... hahaha, I can't even finish typing it. 1970 - An oxygen tank explodes on board the Apollo 13 spacecraft. The crew politely ask that they be rescued before any Academy Award statuettes are prepared. Also, Commander James Lovell gains the dubious honor of being the only person to go all the way to the moon TWICE and never actually walk on it. 1976 - The U.S. reintroduces the $2 bill. Because of the novelty, everyone keeps them instead of spending them, which in turn causes them to be impossible to spend since no one believes they're real. 1980 - Someone related to me is born. As a direct result, you all get to read this. Be sure and thank him. 1997 - Tiger Woods is the youngest golfer ever to win the Masters Tournament. He will turn this notoriety into so, so much tail.
  14. Things You Only Noticed On Reread

    According to my calculations, yes. In fact, the last time he showed up in a story comic was way back in 2010.