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      Welcome!   03/05/2016

      Welcome, everyone, to the new 910CMX Community Forums. I'm still working on getting them running, so things may change.  If you're a 910 Comic creator and need your forum recreated, let me know and I'll get on it right away.  I'll do my best to make this new place as fun as the last one!

Illjwamh

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Illjwamh last won the day on February 5

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About Illjwamh

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  1. This Day In History

    On February 15 in History: 590 - Khosrau II becomes King of Sassanid Persia. Nicknamed "The Victorious", his will be yet another great reign in the long tradition of Zoroastrian rulers. Yep, nothing's ever gonna bring these folks down. 706 - Recently restored Byzantine emperor Justinian II publicly executes the guy who deposed him, as well as the guy who later deposed that guy before ultimately being deposed by Justinian II. He will rule for another five years before eventually being deposed and executed. 1564 - Galileo is born. On the same day, the Earth and the Sun trade places just to fuck with everyone, and to see how long it will take for anyone to notice. 1764 - St. Louis is founded. Most people are aware that the city later hosts a very famous World's Fair. What may surprise people is that the city was actually founded by Spain. As they say, nobody expects a Spanish Exposition. 1898 - The USS Maine explodes and sinks in Havana Harbor, Cuba. The U.S. decides this is as good an excuse as any to steal some land from Spain and then not do anything with it. 1965 - Canada adopts its new symbol of national sovereignty and strength: a leaf. This is due to the average Canadian's propensity for avoiding conflict, preferring instead to dry up and blow away. 1971 - Opting instead for something that makes sense and the rest of the world can understand, the British stop using Wizard money. 2003 - Occurring in over 600 cities around the world and with between 8 million and 30 million participants, the largest peace demonstration in history's protest against the Iraq war is entirely successful in getting people out of the house for a few hours.
  2. This Day In History

    On February 14 in History: 842 – In Strasbourg, Charles the Bald and Louis the German, kings of West and East Francia (guess which rules which!) swear to have each other's backs against their big brother Lothair, king of Middle Francia. Each one swears in the langauge of the other's kingdom, just to make sure there's no confusion. 1349 – In Strasbourg, hundreds of Jews are burned alive by mobs and the rest driven out on the assumption that they are responsible for the Black Death and this will make it stop. It does not. 1400 – Deposed king of England Richard II dies in prison. New king Henry IV hadn't wanted to order him murdered, but he may have forgotten to order him fed. 1405 – Timur, a.k.a. Tamarlane, dies, to the immense reliefe of everyone from the Levant to the Indus River valley (and everyone who's ever played Europa Universalis). But he left a surprise... 1483 – Babur, founder of the Mughal Empire, is born. A direct descendant of Timur and a distant descendant of Genghis Khan, it shouldn't come as a surprise what he'll decide to do with his life. 1502 - The king and queen of Spain order all Muslims to either convert or get out. Just until they can figure out what the hell is going on. 1779 - English explorer James Cook is killed by a band of native Hawaiians. Totally overreacting. He was only trying to kidnap their king. Way out of line. 1818 - The chosen birthdate of Frederick Douglass. He got to choose because his actual birth was never officially recorded, being born into slavery and all. But his luck would eventually turn around; these days he's being recognized more and more. 1849 - U.S. President James K. Polk gets his picture taken. He is the first president to do so. This is among his greatest accomplishments. 1879 – The Chilean navy occupies the Bolivian port town of Antofagasta, kicking off the Pacific War. Haha, "Bolivian port town." 1929 – Seven people are murdered in Chicago, and by a strange coincidence six of them belong to a rival gang of Al Capone. Get me his tax returns; he's going down for this. 1989 - James Bond dies. A zoologist and ornithologist of some renown, he was once described by British novelist Ian Fleming as having "as ordinary [a name] as possible". 1989 again - Ruhollah Khomeini, the actual leader of a real country, encourages people to murder Salmon Rushdie because Rushdie wrote a book he didn't like. 1990 - Voyager 1 takes the "Pale Blue Dot" photograph, initiating a chain of events that will eventually lead to me posting the same Carl Sagan video every year on Earth Day. 2005 - YouTube is launched, as phase one of the cats' diabolical scheme to overtake all of human society. 2018 – A bunch of kids whose names will be in history books someday witness 17 of their friends and peers being shot to death at their school in the only developed country on Earth where this routinely happens, and decide that's some bullshit.
  3. This Day In History

    On February 13 in History: 1462 - The Treaty of Westminster allows for a couple of Scottish lords to rule Scotland under the English crown in the even that England conquers Scotland. This is gonna be super awkward in a couple of years when the two crowns make an alliance. 1542 - Henry VIII's fifth wife, Catherine Howard, is executed for adultery. It's not as if she didn't know the risks. Either something was misinterpreted, or Culpeper's dick was amazing. 1660 - Charles X of Sweden dies. The regents for his underage son jump on this fabulous opportunity to get out of this war they've been stuck in for the last five years. 1689 - William and Mary are named co-monarchs of England and Scotland, despite "co-monarch" not making any sense. Wait for it... 1692 - The Earl of Argyll's Regiment of Foot, after availing themselves of the hospitality of the MacDonalds of Glencoe, proceed to murder them all (nearly 80 in total) for their failure to pledge their allegiance to William and Mary. The Rains of Castamere plays in the background. 1913 - With the collapse of the Qing dynasty, the 13th Dalai Lama is able to proclaim Tibet's independence. Free from China at last! 1945 - RAF bombers are sent to Dresden with the express orders to "bomb the shit out of it." 2007 - Ma Ying-jeou resigns as Kuomintang party chairman after being indicted for embezzlement while he was mayor or Taipei. Oh, also, he'd like you all to know he'll be running for president next year. Yeah, that checks out. 2016 - Antonin Scalia dies This means Obama will have a chance major lasting impact on the Supreme Court.
  4. This Day In History

    On February 12 in history: 41 - Britannicus, son of Emperor Claudius, is born. If I ever get around to doing yesterday, you'll know why I put this on here. 881 - Charles the Fat is crowned Holy Roman Emperor. Charles was a popular name in his family, and he had some rather famous ancestors, dubbed "the Hammer" and "the Magnificent". When it came time to differentiate ol' Chuck the third here, it would have been easy enough to just go by his number, but instead someone decided they needed to be more specific. "Oh yeah, the fat one." 1429 - During the Hundred Years' War, on the outskirts of a town just north of Orléans, a great battle (The Battle of the Herrings) would take place between English and French forces over several barrels of fish. And probably some other supplies too, I guess. 1689 - The British Parliament decides that since James II ran away to France like a sissy, he doesn't get to be king anymore. And there was much rejoicing. 1809 - Charles Darwin is born, and yet for some reason there are still monkeys. Great thinkers the world over are still trying to work that one out. 1809 again - Abraham Lincoln is also born. His connection to monkeys remains unclear. 1909 - The NAACP is founded, with the goal of making 21st century white people feel awkward at using the phrase "colored people". 1924 - Rhapsody in Blue premiers to mixed reviews. Though history and music lovers alike would later vindicate him, Gershwin is discouraged and scraps plans for follow-up rhapsodies in Violet, Indigo, and Amaranth. 1963 - The Gateway Arch begins construction in St. Louis as a result of citizens clamoring for a gigantic metal structure that serves no purpose. "All the cool cities have them." 1994 - At the National Gallery of Norway, four thieves break in and steal Edvard Munch's painting "The Scream". The painting, though terrified, is ironically unable to call for help. 1999 - The United States Senate decides that getting a blow job and lying about it is a pretty stupid reason to remove a sitting president.
  5. This Day In History

    On February 11 in History: 660 BCE - If translation from ancient legend to a traditional calendar to a traditional Western calendar to a modern Western calendar can be believed, Emperor Jimmu founds Japan. The same legends say he's descended from gods; make of that what you will. 55 - Britannicus, heir to Roman emperor Claudius, dies mysteriously. Good thing Nero is still alive to carry on the succession; that could have been messy. 1534 - Henry VIII isn't just in charge of all England now. He's also the head of the church, too. A guy named Octavius once did something similar. 1790 - The Religious Society of Friends, a.k.a. the Quakers, ask the U.S. government to abolish slavery. Talk about progressive. 1812 - The governor of Massachusetts is accused of drawing up electoral districts in ridiculous ways so as to benefit his own party. The districts are said to look like salamanders slithering around on maps. His name was Elbridge Gerry, and his one wish is that this tactic will not become his greatest legacy. 1855 - Tewodros II is crowned emperor of Ethiopia. His plan is to round up all these disparate tribal regions together into Ethiopia again. In other words, if they're going to call him emperor, he actually wants to be emperor. 1929 - Mussolini officially agrees to let the Vatican be their own country. He'd better get used to the feeling of giving up territory. 1953 - Jeb Bush is born! ...Please clap. 1971 - 87 countries, including the Big Three, agree to ban nukes on the ocean floor in international waters. We don't know if Godzilla is real or not, but why push our luck? 1979 - The Iranian monarchy is overthrown in favor of a totalitarian theocracy. Turkeys voting for Christmas. 1990 - Nelson Mandela is released from prison after 27 years as a political prisoner. Sadly, he's getting old, and there's not much left for him to do with his life. 1999 - Pluto crosses Neptune's orbit again, once more becoming the ninth planet. This vindicates everyone who argued against changing the models of the Solar System; all nine planets will remain in this order for the next 228 years. No need to change anything. 2001 - A whole bunch of people hoping to see nude photos of Anna Kournikova are about to be sorely disappointed. 2006 - Dick Cheney becomes the second sitting U.S. vice president to shoot a man. 2011 - Hosni Mubarak resigns as president. Freedom and democracy have come to Egypt at last!
  6. This Day In History

    On February 10 in History: 1258 - The Mongols sack Baghdad and destroy a bunch of stuff, including the House of Wisdom, because who needs thousands of years of accumulated knowledge, amirite? 1306 - Robert the Bruce murders John Comyn in an effort to cement his claim to the Scottish throne, but accidentally does so in a church, landing him in hot water with certain Pope-like figures. 1763 - The Treaty of Paris cedes Québec to Great Britain. There are no hard feelings. 1840 - Queen Victoria marries Prince Albert. In a can! Eh? Eh? ...I'll see myself out. 1954 - U.S. President Dwight Eisenhower warns against intervention in Vietnam. Pfsh. What does he know? 1967 - The 25th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution lays out procedures for what is to happen should the president die while in office - an occurrence which has already happened eight times. 2007 - Some rookie senator from Illinois whom almost nobody has ever heard of announces he's running for president. He's also black, in a country that's never had a black president. This is so obscure, I don't even know why I'm putting it on here.
  7. This Day In History

    She's on Netflix now, didn't you guys know?
  8. This Day In History

    On February 9 in History: 474 - Zeno is crowned Byzantine emperor. No, settle down. L. Ron. I said Zeno, with an O. 1775 - British Parliament declares the colony of Massachusetts to be in a state of rebellion. As my favorite Nicolas Cage meme would remark, "You don't say!" 1825 - Since nobody won the 1824 election, the U.S. House of Representatives has to choose the next president. They choose John Quincy Adams. Given that the other choice was noted lunatic Andrew Jackson, they probably made the right call. Whew! Dodged a bullet there. 1849 - After almost 1800 years, the Roman Republic is back! Now will dawn a new millennium of cultural and political dominance! 1895 - William G. Morgan invents a fun new sport where a ball is volleyed back and forth over a net by opposing teams. The best players can volley the ball multiple times before any points are scored. Naturally he calls his new game Mintonette. 1909 - Carmen Miranda is born from a bundle of bananas. 1942 - Year-round Daylight Saving Time is reinstated in order to conserve energy for the war effort, which raises the question: if it saves energy, why don't we just do it all the time anyway? 1943 - "You mean, let me understand this … cuz I … maybe its me, maybe I’m a little fucked up maybe. I’m cute how? I mean cute, like I’m a puppy? I enchant you? I make you coo and sigh? I’m here to fuckin’ entrance you? Whattya you mean cute? Cute how? How am I cute?" ~A newborn Joe Pesci 1950 - A schizophrenic Joseph McCarthy starts yelling about communists everywhere; for some reason people take him seriously. 1964 - The Beatles perform on the Ed Sullivan Show for the first time. The death toll is catastrophic. 1987 - Michael B. Jordan is born in Wakanda to a champion boxer.
  9. This Day In History

    On February 8 in History: 1238 - The Mongols of the Golden Horde under Batu Kkan burn Vladimir. The city, not a dude. Though odds are high at least one guy in there was named Vladimir. Eugh. 1405 - Future last Byzantine emperor Constantine XI is born. Wait, what was that? Nothing; I said future Byzantine emperor Constantine XI is born. Carry on; nothing to see here. 1587 - Mary, Queen of Scots is executed by order of Elizabeth I of England under suspicion that she was party to an assassination plot. Mary's son, James VI, becomes King of Scotland. I have a funny feeling he's going to get the last laugh. 1601 - Robert Devereux, the 2nd Earl of Essex, (who doesn't pay attention, apparently) rebels against Elizabeth I. His rebellion doesn't even last the whole day. That's gotta be a little embarrassing for him. 1828 - Jules Verne's consciousness arrives from the future in a newborn baby, but nobody ever believes him. 1850 - Kate Chopin is born. It is fortunate that her mother is not named Desirée. 1865 - Delaware decides that no, they are not going to ratify the 13th Amendment, outlawing slavery. I mean, this war is terrible, but I don't want to have to pay people who work for me. 1904 - The Russo-Japanese War begins as a result of a surprise attack by the Japanese on the Russian fleet at Port Arthur in Manchuria. They'll want to be careful with that tactic; it could get them into trouble in the future. 1914 - Co-creator of Batman, Bill Finger, is born. This will not be publicly acknowledged for another 75 years. 1960 - Queen Elizabeth announces that patrilineal conventions are stupid, and her family will continue to be the House of Windsor, thank you very much. 1978 - For the first time, proceedings of the U.S. senate are broadcast on the radio. And the march of progress thunders triumphantly on! 2013 - A massive nor'easter hits...where else? The northeast. The resulting blizzard leaves huge swaths of New England and the maritime provinces without power. The Weather Channel nicknames it Winter Storm Nemo. Aww, I can't be mad at it now.
  10. This Day In History

    On February 7 in History: 574 - Prince Shōtoku, and subsequently the nation and culture of Japan as we know it, is born. Even the weird stuff? Especially the weird stuff. 1102 - Matilda, Holy Roman Empress, rightful trueborn ruler of England, and ancestor of all subsequent English and British monarchs, is born. Suck it, Stephen! I'll die on this hill! 1301 - In a symbolic show of total English domination, Edward I of England's son Edward is made Prince of Wales, the first Englishman to hold the title. "You just wait." ~The Tudors 1819 - After taking over Singapore, Sir Thomas Stamford Raffles says, "I don't even want it anymore," and leaves. 1863 - The HMS Orpheus sinks off the coast of Auckland, New Zealand. The HMS Eurydice had "accidentally" looked at it before it was safely in port. 1962 - The U.S. tells Cuba, "We don't want your stuff anymore, and you can't have any of ours." 1979 - Pluto moves inside Neptune's orbit, thus making all extant models of the Solar System inaccurate. Rather than remaking anything, everyone just figures, "Eh, we'll just wait for it to move back again." 1991 - Haiti's first democratically elected president, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, is sworn in. Better late than never for the second nation in the Western Hemisphere to declare independence from Europe. 1991 again - Members of the Provisional IRA launch a mortar attack at 10 Downing Street in an attempt to assassinate Prime Minister John Major and his war cabinet. It is unclear how they thought this would help their situation. 1997 - NeXT Merges with Apple, and Steve Jobs achieves his true form. 2013 - Mississippi officially certifies their ratification of the 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery. It should be noted that they actually already had ratified the amendment, but had forgotten to file the paperwork. In 1995.
  11. This Day In History

    Hey now, spoilers.
  12. This Day In History

    On February 6 in History: 1685 - James II & VII of England and Scotland, respectively, becomes king(s). He's Catholic, so we're doin' this again. 1755 - Future U.S. Vice President and Hamilton-killer Aaron Burr is born. 1778 - France officially recognizes the United States. This is done mostly to troll Great Britain, but we'll take it. 1895 - George Herman Ruth Jr. is born. I'm going to deliberately refuse to make the obvious pun, knowing that it will gnaw at you for the rest of the day. Mwahahaha! 1918 - British women over 30 who own a certain amount of property are now able to vote. This had to be rushed through to make sure they beat the Americans to it; that would have been embarrassing. 1945 - Bob Marley wakes up and lives. A doctor spanks him and admonishes, "No, baby. No cry." 1952 - Elizabeth II becomes Queen of the United Kingdom, and a bunch of other places. Rumor has it she also unlocked the crown's ancient secret to immortality, but that remains to be seen. 1966 - Another celebrity is born, and there's a video that explains it better than I could: https://tinyurl.com/Feb-6-Video
  13. Last Post Wins

    Lol. Yes, it was. Also, I feel compelled to point out that "sticky wicket" refers to cricket, not croquet.
  14. Last Post Wins

    Only if you're playing the boring way. Real croquet is played with flamingos.
  15. This Day In History

    On February 5 in History: 62 - The towns of Pompeii and Herculaneum are struck by an earthquake. Though both towns suffer major damage, they are able to recover and repair. Talk about dodging a bullet. 1597 - 26 Christians are crucified in Japan on the order of the shogun, Hideyoshi. Several Roman emperors find this darkly amusing. 1852 - The Hermitage Museum opens to the public in St. Petersburg, because the Louvre can suck it. 1885 - Leopold II of Belgium goes into the jungle in Africa, into an area larger than Western Europe, and says, "This is mine, now." Not Belgium's; his. Everyone else just sort of lets him do this. He calls it the Congo Free State because he got it for free. 1917 - Mexico adopts its current constitution, which establishes a federal republic of united sovereign states, with powers divided into Administrative, Legislative, and Judicial branches. Now where have I heard that one before? It's on the tip of my tongue, I swear... 1945 - "Told you." ~Gen. Douglas MacArthur 1971 - Alan Shepard goes golfing. ON THE MOON. He's on the MOON, people! How is it we don't memorize the names in school of every person who's ever done this? 1985 - The mayors of Rome and Carthage meet to sign a treaty of friendship, thereby officially ending the Third Punic War. Better late than never?