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      Welcome!   03/05/2016

      Welcome, everyone, to the new 910CMX Community Forums. I'm still working on getting them running, so things may change.  If you're a 910 Comic creator and need your forum recreated, let me know and I'll get on it right away.  I'll do my best to make this new place as fun as the last one!

Illjwamh

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Illjwamh last won the day on February 5

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About Illjwamh

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  1. This Day In History

    On April 23 in History: 599 - King Uneh Chan of Calakmul attacks and sacks his rival city-state of Bàakʼ (Palenque) under Queen Yohl Ik'nal. That'll teach 'em. I feel like if we had a more complete history of Mayan politics, it would be just as interesting if not more so than all the Greek stuff we study. 711 - Dagobert III becomes King of the Franks on the death of his father, Childebert III. Unfortunately, I've already made a Dilbert joke regarding old Frankish kings before, so I've got nothing here. 1014 - The good news: Irish High King Brian Boru has defeated a band of Viking invaders at the Battle of Clontarf. The bad news: he was killed in said battle. Well, shit. 1016 - Edmund Ironside inherits the throne of England when his father, Æthelred the Unready, is killed. You have to admit his name inspires a little more confidence. 1616 - William Shakespeare dies, literally the day after Miguel de Cervantes. Somebody warn Jonathan Smith! 1928 - Shirley Temple is born. The tap routine she performs for the delivering doctors and nurses is reportedly very impressive. 1985 - Coca-Cola introduces a new formula that tastes more like Pepsi but not as good. For some reason it doesn't go over well. 2005 - Jawed Karim uploads a video of himself in front of some elephants at the zoo and forever changes the way society consumes and interacts with media. 2018 - Some douche in Toronto who's mad that he isn't getting laid runs a bunch of people over with his truck. Can't imagine why women wouldn't be flocking to such an obvious catch.
  2. This Day In History

    On April 22 in History: 238 - The Roman Senate declares Emperor Maximinus Thrax an outlaw, and nominates two of its own number to take his place. It perhaps won't surprise you that this will later be known as the Year of the Six Emperors. 1519 - Hernán Cortés establishes a settlement at present-day Veracruz, Mexico. Nothing to worry about, Moctezuma; we're just minding our own business over here. 1616 - Death of Miguel de Cervantes. Perhaps he got cancer from a windmill. 1836 - Mexican General Santa Anna is captured hiding in a swamp the day after the battle of San Jacinto. The Texans have no reason to think he's anything more than a regular solider until his own men accidentally reveal his identity. Whoopsie. 1864 - The phrase "In God We Trust" first appears on U.S. minted coins. More specifically, the two cent coin. So you see, it's clearly a long-standing tradition. 1870 - Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov is born. I can't blame him for switching to the pseudonym "Lenin". It's definitely a lot catchier. 1889 - The cities of Guthrie and Oklahoma City go from nothing to over 10,000 people in a matter of hours once "unassigned" lands are open for settlement and people madly rush in to grab a piece for themselves. So like Black Friday, but less chaotic. 2000 - Federal agents with military-grade weapons break into a house and rip a six year old boy from the arms of his relatives, and this is considered a reasonable solution to an international custody dispute. 2016 - Every country on Earth signs an agreement in Paris to reduce greenhouse emissions. The agreement lets each country set their own rules and goals and does not penalize not following or meeting them. Yeah, we're all gonna die.
  3. This Day In History

    On April 21 in History: 753 BCE - Traditional date for the founding of Rome. One must also consider that other parts of this story insist that the man responsible was raised by a wolf goddess, so take it with a grain of salt. 1506 - The people of Lisbon feel like they've killed enough Jews now. It's been three whole days; what say we wind this down. 1509 - Henry VIII of England ascends to the throne on his father's death. A strapping young lad, he'll make a fine king, and no doubt produce lots of children to continue the dynasty. 1836 - At Battle of San Jacinto, which lasts 18 minutes, a force of about 800 Texans defeats a Mexican army that was mostly sleeping, eating, or bathing. Some of the Texans remember the Alamo a little too much, as even their officers can't stop them from killing Mexican soldiers who are desperately trying to surrender. 1898 - U.S. ships blockade Cuban ports. This is the formal declaration of war against Spain that will be retroactively announced in four days. 1918 - The Red Baron takes a bullet to the chest in a dogfight with two Canadian pilots, and even though he has like thirty seconds to live, still manages to land his plane. No one ever actually shot him down. 1934 - A fake photo of the Loch Ness Monster sent in to the Daily Mail as a practical joke gets way out of hand. 1960 - Brazil moves all three branches of government to its deliberately constructed new capital, Brasilia. This does not stop most people from assuming its capital is still Rio. 1966 - Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie visits Jamaica, home of the burgeoning Rastafarian movement. It's a bit like if Jesus showed up in Provo, Utah. 1987 - A car bomb explodes in the Sri Lankan capital of Colombo, killing 106 people. Militant secessionist group The Tamil Tigers are blamed. I'll never understand people who assume random murder is an effective means of achieving their political goals. 1989 - 100,000 students gather in Tiananmen Square to commemorate political and economic reformer Hu Yaobang. As long as they're peaceful, there shouldn't be a problem. 2014 - The city of Flint, Michigan switches to a new water source as a cost cutting measure. Think of how much better our citizens' lives will be now we'll have a little extra money in the budget! 2019 - Eight bombs explode in an apparently coordinated attack at churches and hotels around Sri Lanka on Easter Sunday, killing over 200 people. The more things change, the more they stay the same. *sigh*
  4. Crazy Counting Guy

    I don't think this has ever happened before. Wed. Apr. 17, 2019 *no one* Fri. Apr. 19, 2019 Ashley: 173 FULL COUNT
  5. This Day In History

    On April 19 in History: 797 - Empress Irene has her son, reigning emperor Constantine VI, deposed and blinded so that she can take the throne for herself. And the award for Mom of the Year goes to.... 1506 - A crowd of Catholics and foreign sailors in Lisbon round up, torture, murder, and burn at the stake hundreds of not just Jews, but people who are "accused of being Jews", whatever that means. 1539 - The Treaty of Frankfurt is signed between the Catholic HRE Charles V and the military alliance of Protestant princes called the Schmalkaldic League. In it, they agree to stop killing each other over how to Christian. France, who up until now had been supporting the Schmalkaldic League, says, "Well, never mind, then." 1578 - Uesugi Kenshin, one of the titans of Japan's Sengoku Period, believed by many to be the Avatar of God of War Bishamonten on Earth and referred to as such, while marching to meet would-be conqueror Oda Nobunaga in battle with his ally, the son of his once equally famous rival Takeda Shingen, dies rather anti-climactically of esophageal cancer. Sometimes history can be a real let-down. 1713 - Habsburg HRE Charles VI, who has no sons, officially declares that, "It would actually make a lot more sense to allow a daughter to inherit rather than someone outside the family." Please note that he does not yet have any daughters, either. 1770 - 14 year-old Marie Antoinette marries future King Louis XVI of France in a proxy wedding. No one is to be served a slice of the wedding cake until she gives the official word. 1775 - Some guy in southwestern Australia: "Hey, did you hear that? Sounded like a gunshot." 1839 - The Treaty of London establishes Belgium as an independent country, and Britain guarantees their independence. Right, like they'll stick by that. 1960 - Students in South Korea hold a nationwide protest against President Syngman Rhee, calling for him to resign. It works. Park Geun-hye would do well to remember this. 1981 - Hayden Christensen is born to a Canadian mother and midichlorians. 1987 - The Tracey Ullman Show unveils a new series of shorts involving a badly drawn, crudely voiced, yellow cartoon family. I don't see it going anywhere. 1995 - The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City is bombed by domestic terrorists Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols is the deadliest such attack in U.S. history. We should really start looking into these "white people", and maybe impose some sort of ban on them coming into the country, just until we can figure out what the hell is going on. 2005 - A former Hitler Youth becomes Pope. In his defense, he had no choice and didn't like it, but one would imagine the Vatican has to consider the optics on such things, right?
  6. Story Wednesday, April 17, 2017

    Is that Liz? I really hope it's Liz.
  7. This Day In History

    On April 16 in History: 1457 BCE - Egyptian forces under Thutmose III rout Canaanite rebel vassals at the Battle of Megiddo (probably), in the first battle we have any written record of. This is also where the supposed last battle of certain Abrahamic sects, "Armageddon", both gets its name and will take place. While I don't buy into such things, I can appreciate the poetic symmetry. 73 BCE - The Siege of Masada ends after several months when the 960 defenders and family members all opt to kill themselves rather than surrender to the Romans, putting an end to the Great Jewish Revolt. While their actions seem extreme, in their defense, the Romans weren't exactly known for their magnanimity in victory. 69 - Otho becomes the second victim of the Year of the Four Emperors after three months on the throne, seized by Vitellius two days ago. Why did so many people want this job, again? 1346 - Serbian king Stefan Dušan "The Mighty" is proclaimed emperor, since he basically controls all of the Balkans now. Let's hope his successors can hold it together. 1746 - The Battle of Culloden sees a crushing defeat for the Jacobites and an end for any designs Bonnie Prince Charlie may have had on the throne. Just as a safety measure, highland traditions will be banned and brutally cracked down on, because reasons. 1862 - A year into the war fought largely over the issue of slavery, slavery is outlawed in the U.S. capital of Washington, D.C.. 1910 - Boston Arena, now called Matthews Arena, opens. It is the oldest indoor ice hokey rink (indeed oldest athletic building) still in use today, because Bostonians can never let go of anything. 1972 - Apollo 16 launches, though by this time the public has largely somehow lost its fascination with sending human beings to the surface of the moon.
  8. Crazy Counting Guy

    Done. Finally, lol. I finally got around to unpacking my notebook and pens, so it's time to play catch-up. Wed. Feb. 6, 2019 Grace: 835 Sam: 41 Fri. Feb. 8, 2019 Sam: 42 Grace: 836 Mon. Feb. 11, 2019 Sam: 43 Grace: 837 Wed. Feb. 13, 2019 Sam: 44 Grace: 838 "Smoke": (1st appearance - probably) Fri. Feb. 15, 2019 Sam: 45 Grace: 839 "Smoke": 2 Mon. Feb. 18, 2019 Grace: 840 Sam: 46 "Smoke": 3 Wed. Feb. 20, 2019 "Smoke": 4 Grace: 841 Sam: 47 Fri. Feb. 22, 2019 Camdin: 3 (2019 debut) "Smoke": 5 Grace: 842 Mon. Feb. 25, 2019 Grace: 843 Sam: 48 Wed. Feb. 27, 2019 Sam: 49 Grace: 844 Fri. Mar. 1, 2019 Grace: 845 Sam: 50 (29th) Mon. Mar. 4, 2019 Sam: 51 Grace: 846 Wed. Mar. 6, 2019 Mr. Verres: 134 Tedd: 744 Grace: 847 Fri. Mar. 8, 2019 Grace: 848 ------------------------------------- <Start of Q&A Mon. Mar. 11, 2019 Amanda: 80 (1st appearance since 2016) Lisa: 67 (1st appearance since 2016) Susan: 504 (2019 debut) Wed. Mar. 13, 2019 Sarah: 650 (5th) Grace: 849 Amanda: 81 Lisa: 68 Fri. Mar. 15, 2019 Tedd: 745 Amanda: 82 Lisa: 69 Mon. Mar. 18, 2019 Ashley: 171 (2019 debut) Elliot: 927 (2019 debut) Amanda: 83 Rhoda: 64 (2019 debut) Lisa: 70 Wed. Mar. 20, 2019 Mr. Tensaided: 66 (2019 debut) Susan: 505 Fri. Mar. 22, 2019 Sarah: 651 Diane: 199 (2019 debut) Amanda: 84 Lisa: 71 Mon. Mar. 25, 2019 Amanda: 85 Lisa: 72 Voltaire: 28 Wed. Mar. 27, 2019 Amanda: 86 Lisa: 73 Fri. Mar. 29, 2019 Amanda: 87 Lisa: 74 Dan: 15 (1st appearance since 2016) Mon. Apr. 1, 2019 Amanda: 88 Sarah: 652 Elliot: 928 Tedd: 746 Lisa: 75 Wed. Apr. 3, 2019 Diane: 200 (9th) Sarah: 653 Amanda: 89 Lisa: 76 Fri. Apr. 5, 2019 Diane: 201 Amanda: 90 Noah: 71 (2019 debut) Elliot: 929 Susan: 506 Catalina: 61 (1st appearance since 2017) Lisa: 77 Sarah: 654 Mon. Apr. 8, 2019 Amanda: 91 Lisa: 78 Wed. Apr. 10, 2019 Kitty: 1st appearance Amanda: 92 Catalina: 62 Susan: 507 Ashley: 172 Sarah: 655 Lisa: 79 Fri. Apr. 12, 2019 Susan: 508 Diane: 202 Catalina: 63 Amanda: 93 Lisa: 80 Mon. Apr. 15, 2019 Grace: 850 Amanda: 94 Lisa: 81 Sarah: 656 Rhoda: 65 FULL COUNT
  9. This Day In History

    A lot of the roof beams and rafters and such were made of trees over 1000 years old.
  10. This Day In History

    On April 12 in History: 240 - Shapur I becomes co-ruler of the Sassanian Persian Empire that his father, Ardashir, founded. I tell you, this kid's gonna be Great. 467 - Anthemius becomes Emperor of the Western Roman Empire. For whatever that's still worth. Don't get comfortable. 627 - Edwin, The Anglo-Saxon king of Northumbria, is seduced and turned by some weird, foreign cult from the south. Something about a crucified god or something? Sounds like a riff on Woden to me; doubt it'll last. 1861 - Confederate forces to the garrison at Fort Sumter, and by extension the federal government at large: "We weren't bluffing." 1917 - Canadian forces successfully complete their capture of Vimy Ridge from the Germans. Maple Leaf forever! 1945 - Franklin D. Roosevelt dies, thus thwarting America's (admittedly not well thought-out) plan to just have him be president forever. 1955 - The polio vaccine is declared safe and effective. Let me repeat that, in case anyone missed it: IT'S 1955, AND THE POLIO VACCINE HAS BEEN DECLARED SAFE AND EFFECTIVE. NO ONE HAS TO GET POLIO ANYMORE, EVER. As long as people aren't stupid and stop using it. But why would that ever happen? 1961 - Yuri Gagarin is the first human being to travel to outer space. He says it's all right. 1979 - Actress Claire Danes is born, precipitating a massive uptick in occurrences of the phrase "Great Danes" in entertainment headlines. 1981 - Tulsi Gabbard is born. If you don't remember who she is, just check your Democratic presidential candidate bingo card. 1994 - Actress Saoirse Ronan is born. She will spend the majority of her time in interviews explaining to Americans how to pronounce her name. 2009 - Zimbabwe abandons its own dollar as official currency. This is due largely to the physical inability of anyone to carry enough of them to buy anything.
  11. This Day In History

    On April 11 in History: 145 - Birth of Septimius Severus, the Roman Emperor who most sounds like a Harry Potter character. 1034 - Byzantine emperor Romanos III Argyros is drowned in his bathtub, apparently murdered. In what I'm sure is completely unrelated news, he is succeeded by his wife Zoë's lover, Michael IV. 1241 - Batu Khan's Golden Horde absolutely kicks the shit out of Béla IV of Hungary's armies at the Battle of Mohi. For the Hungarians, it is a defeat from which they will not recover, eventually leading to nearly half their lands being destroyed and up to a quarter of their population lost. For the Mongolians, it is Tuesday. 1689 - William III and Mary II are crowned as co-sovereigns of England and Scotland. It's been hit or miss with monarchs this century, so this time we're doubling up just in case. 1814 - Treaty of Fontainebleau to Napoleon: Yes, you have to abdicate, and NO, you cannot choose your successor. What do you think this is? 1868 - Tokugawa Yoshinobu surrenders Edo Castle to Imperial forces, officially ending the Tokugawa Shogunate. Oh, but you're welcome for unifying the whole country and everything. 1968 - The Civil Rights Act of 1968 is passed in the U.S., prohibiting discrimination in the sale, rental, and financing of housing. Donald Trump is determined to fight this, even if he has to become president to do it. 1970 - Apollo 13 is launched. If it's anything like the last two, it should make it to the moon without a hitch. 2007 - Kurt Vonnegut dies as part of his project to interview notable people from centuries past.
  12. This Day In History

    On April 9 in History: 585 BCE - Death of Jimmu, traditionally regarded as Japan's first emperor. We'll see how long his dynasty lasts, though I wouldn't put much money on them. 491 - Death of Zeno, emperor of the Eastern Roman Empire, which by the end of his reign no longer needs that specifier. 1241 - Mongol invaders defeat a combined Polish and German force at the Battle of Liegnitz because they're Mongol invaders and that's what they do. 1288 - Forces of the Vietnamese Trần dynasty to Mongol invaders at the Battle of Bach Dang: "Not in our house." 1413 - Henry V becomes King of England. He's so badass; he'll probably rule for decades and definitively bind France to England forever. 1682 - Robert Cavelier de La Salle discovers the mouth of the Mississippi River and names the whole region "Louisiana" because like everyone else in France at this time, he's a gigantic brown noser. 1865 - Robert E. Lee surrenders his Army of Northern Virginia to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Courthouse in Virginia, which for all intents and purposes ends the American Civil War. A century and a half later, the very same people who whine and complain that "losers shouldn't get participation trophies" will insist and demand that statues of him remain on display in public spaces. 1865 again - Erich Ludendorff is born. An important historical figure and key player in the First World War, he will now mostly be remembered as that crazy guy who huffed some weird fumes and fought Wonder Woman. 1917 - The Battle of Vimy Ridge begins with an assault on German positions atop said ridge. My Canadian blood is pumping hot with furious pride just thinking about it. 1937 - The first Japanese-built aircraft to fly all the way to Europe lands safely in London. It is called the "Kamikaze", which in retrospect is tragically hilarious. 1940 - Germany invades Denmark and Norway. Meanwhile, Vidkun Quisling is able to demonstrate to the people of Norway just why Americans hate the name Benedict Arnold so much. 1947 - Members of two different Zionist paramilitary groups attack the Palestinian town of Deir Yassin near Jerusalem and kill over 100 people. Leaders from all sides condemn the violence, and yet...I'm sorry, I'm being told I'm not allowed to make a punchline. 1989 - Anti-Soviet protesters in the Georgian capital of Tblisi are dispersed by Soviet troops, who kill 20 and injure hundreds more. In Soviet Russia, state protest YOU! 1991 - Georgia declares its independence from the USSR. Can't imagine why they chose today to do it. 2009 - As many as 60,000 people gather in Tblisi to protest against president Mikheil Saakashvili and his government. While they may have a few valid reasons to complain, he notably does not send the military to murder them. 2014 - A student in a Murrysville, Pennsylvania high school stabs 20 people, all of whom survive. Republican lawmakers immediately suggest giving all teachers knives. 2017 - Dr. David Dao Duy Anh is beaten and forcibly dragged off an airplane after refusing to give up his seat which had been deliberately double-booked by United Airlines. People around the country pretend to be shocked at the revelation that United Airlines sucks.
  13. This Day In History

    On April 8 in History: 217 - Terrible Roman emperor Caracalla is assassinated. At least they waited until after his birthday. 876 - Victory by the Abbasid Caliphate over Saffarid Persia at the Battle of Dayr al-‘Aqul saves Baghdad from their advance. What a relief! The House of Wisdom is in there. Can you imagine what would happen if it were damaged by invaders? 1364 - French king John II dies in captivity in England, to whom he had lost a ton of land, much of which had in turn been lost to the French by the English King John a century and a half earlier. Strangely enough, neither country will ever name a king "John" ever again. Weird. 1450 - Sejong the Great dies. He is notable in that, while nearly every Joseon ruler was posthumously styled "the Great", he actually earned it. 1740 - In the early stages of the War of Jenkins' Ear, three British ships capture the Spanish Princess. Don't worry; it's only a ship. 1904 - France and Britain sign the Entante Cordiale, essentially putting 1,000 years of rivalry and hostility aside as water under the bridge. This is mostly because both countries think Germany is looking a bit shifty, but also because neither one really wants to be dragged into the Russo-Japanese war on their respective ally's side. 1938 - Future UN Gen-Sec Kofi Annan is born. I had a great idea for a joke reference until I remembered it was from a play that, as far as I know, was only performed once and I may well be the only person who remembers anything from it. Even by my usual standards, that's pretty obscure. 1974 - Hank Aaron hits his 715th home run, breaking the all-time record held by Babe Ruth for 39 years. I can't see anyone ever managing that again, unless they're juicing or something. 2013 - The Islamic State of Iraq enters into the Syrian Civil War, providing an excellent example for anyone trying to explain the term "clusterf***".
  14. This Day In History

    On April 7 in History: 30 - Near as we can figure, this is the day some bleeding heart rabble rouser named Josh is crucified for what amounts to rocking the boat. Sad. I bet in another year or so no one will even remember him. 611 - Armies of the Snake Kingdom (Kaan) under King Uneh Chan (Scroll Serpent) sack the city of Bàakʼ (Palenque). Why do we have to learn about everything the Romans ever shit on but not this pile of awesomeness? 1141 - Empress Matilda becomes the first female ruler of England, albeit mostly in name. She is not to be confused with her mother, Queen Matilda, or with the wife of King Stephen (with whom she fought a war for control of the kingdom), also called Queen Matilda. God dammit, Europe. 1788 - Marietta, Ohio is the first permanent American settlement in the Northwest Territory. Lol, "northwest". 1805 - Beethoven premiers his third symphony in Vienna. Where else? He's really getting the hang of these now. 1831 - Emperor Pedro I of Brazil abdicates and goes to Portugal to become King Pedro IV. That's a pretty sweet retirement package. 1948 - A baby John Oates twists and shouts his way out. His mother wraps herself around him, but he ain't the way she found him. He'll never be the same. 1954 - Jackie Chan is born, and as usual does not use a double. That's really him, and they did it all in one take. 1980 - The U.S. cuts off diplomatic ties with Iran, due largely to the fact that several of their diplomats are being held hostage. By Iran. 1994 - Hutus begin killing their Tutsi neighbors for no reason more complex than that they were told to. This is what happens when you characterize certain groups of people as "animals", but that would never happen here.
  15. This Day In History

    On April 4 in History: 188 - Future terrible Roman emperor Caracalla is born. 1147 - Hey, check it, Moscow exists! I mean, it probably did before, at least for a while, but now we have proof! 1284 - Alfonso X of Castile and Leon dies. Wait, you're telling me it's only 1284 and you've already gone through 10 Alfonsos? Y'all need to learn to keep better track of your things. 1581 - Francis Drake is knighted for sailing around the world, and most certainly not for his privateering endeavors against Spain. 1660 - Charles II of England just wants everything to settle back down, and pardons everyone who sided against the crown during the Civil War, as long as they accept him as king. Minus the ones who murdered his father, natch. 1721 - Sir Robert Walpole becomes Britain's first Prime Minister, despite there actually not being any position titled "Prime Minister". History is weird. 1814 - Napoleon abdicates and tries to name his 3 year old son his successor as emperor. The coalition isn't buying it. 1841 - William Henry Harrison dies exactly one month after being sworn in as U.S. president. He spent his entire time in office with pneumonia. Thus his remains the only administration with fewer accomplishments to its name than the current one. 1875 - Czech composer Bedřich Smetana's Vitava, also known as Die Moldau, premiers in Prague. I don't really have anything funny to say; I just really like it. Y'all should give it a listen. 1923 - Warner Bros. Pictures opens. They will eventually be responsible for such cinematic masterpieces as Battlefield Earth, Catwoman, and The Adventures of Pluto Nash. 1925 - A far-right party in Germany establishes its own private paramilitary force, and this apparently does not alarm anyone. 1945 - Soviet troops liberate Hungary from Nazi occupation. But really, it's more like "under new management." 1949 - NATO is formed by twelve signatory nations as a result of the Soviet Union just creeping everybody the hell out. 1968 - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is shot by a white racist and convicted criminal using a rifle purchased same-day under false pretenses with an assumed name. Just gonna leave that here. 1979 - Heath Ledger is born. Holding him for the first time, his mother coos, "Let's put a smile on that face!" 2009 - France comes back to NATO. They don't wanna say anything outright, but they're really hoping they can get their old seat back. It was by the window. 2013 - Roger Ebert dies, leaving us all to our own devices when it comes to knowing what movies are good. I'd say we're not handling it very well.