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      Welcome!   03/05/2016

      Welcome, everyone, to the new 910CMX Community Forums. I'm still working on getting them running, so things may change.  If you're a 910 Comic creator and need your forum recreated, let me know and I'll get on it right away.  I'll do my best to make this new place as fun as the last one!

Illjwamh

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Illjwamh last won the day on February 5

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About Illjwamh

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  1. This Day In History

    On September 21 in History: 19 BCE - Virgil dies. I have it on good authority he goes to Hell. 1170 - The Norse Kingdom of Dublin in Ireland falls to invaders from England, originally from Normandy. Bloody Vikings everywhere. 1327 - Edward II of England dies of an acute case of red-hot-poker-up-the-bum. ALLEGEDLY. 1435 - At the Congress of Arras, England's ally in the Hundred Years War, Burgundy, pulls a Benedict Arnold and sides with France instead. "Well, shit," says England. 1745 - Jacobite forces under Bonnie Prince Charlie defeat the army sent by the crown government at the Battle of Prestonpans in East Lothian, Scotland. In about ten minutes. Looks like Britain will be Catholic again before you know it, lads. 1780 - American revolutionary general Benedict Arnold pulls a Burgundy and gives the plans to West Point to the British, joining up with them instead. "Not so funny from the other end, is it?" says Britain to America's French allies. 1792 - "That's it! No more kings!" ~ The French National Convention 1840 - Future Ottoman Sultan Murad V is born. Wait for it... 1842 - Future Ottoman Sultan Abdul Hamid II, brother of the above, is born. Certainly makes birthday parties more convenient. Or awkward, if Ottoman princes haven't gotten over that old tradition of killing each other to clear a path to the throne yet. 1866 - The infant H.G. Wells arrives from the future in an invisible time machine from Mars. 1912 - Animator Chuck Jones is born. He is terrified when a car horn beeps outside the window near his crib and the experience will stay with him forever. 1937 - An Oxford professor who likes making up languages publishes a children's book he came up with on a whim. You probably haven't heard of it. 1947 - Author Stephen King is born. The exact circumstances are too horrifying to repeat here, but it's safe to assume the experience will stay with him forever. 1949 - The People's Republic of China is formally established. As usual, with the partial exception of China, it is none of those things. 1964 - Malta gains its independence. There is no prize for guessing whom from. 1981 - Belize gets its independence. From the same country as Malta, naturally. 1981 again - Sandra Day O'Connor becomes the first female U.S. Supreme Court Justice by unanimous approval of the Senate. Either there are no sexists in the Senate, or even they realize that voting no would be a terrible idea. I tend to assume the latter. 1986 - Dancing violinist Lindsey Stirling is born. Too bad there's no market for people who can merge two impressive talents together, right Simon Cowell? 1991 - Armenia becomes independent. No no, from the Soviet Union this time. 1993 - Russian president Boris Yeltsin dissolves parliament despite not having the constitutional power to do so. "God dammit, not again." ~Everyone in Russia
  2. Friday September 20, 2019

    Was 100% expecting this and am very excited about it.
  3. This Day In History

    On September 19 in History: 634 - Damascus is the first major Byzantine city to fall to the new Rashidun Caliphate under the command of Khalid ibn al-Walid. All those years of fighting with Persia, softening each other up, are starting to look like a bad idea in hindsight. 1356 - Edward the Black Prince captures King John II of France at the Battle of Poitiers. Yet somehow beyond all reason, this war will continue for another 97 years and the English will end up losing. 1676 - Jamestown is burned to the ground during Bacon's Rebellion. "Why didn't we think of that?" ~The Powhattan 1692 - Accused warlock Giles Corey dies when he tells people to pile more rocks on him. 1868 - La Gloriosa (the Glorious Revolution) begins in Spain to overthrow the reign of Queen Isabella II. What to do after accomplishing that, well...we'll figure it out later. How hard could it be? 1881 - U.S. President James Garfield dies of gunshot wounds sustained two and a half months ago. That's two in just sixteen years. I really hope assassinating the president doesn't become a thing. 1893 - All women in New Zealand are now allowed to vote. Meanwhile Europe continues to pretend it's the dominant driving force of civilized culture. 1940 - Polish army officer Witold Pilecki (a Catholic) is captured and sent to Auschwitz. ON PURPOSE. Once there he intends to gather information for the allies and begin a resistance movement. One wonders how the Germans didn't spot him for what he was; surely the clanging of his massive titanium balls should have given him away. 1974 - Jimmy Fallon is born. Despite the fact that he breaks character and laughs when he's supposed to be crying, the doctors cannot help but be charmed by him. 1983 - St. Kitts and Nevis gains its independence from...you guessed it, the United Kingdom. 1985 - A big earthquake kills thousands of people and destroys hundreds of buildings in and around Mexico City. Wait for it... 1995 - Orville Redenbacher finally pops. Libations of artificial butter flavoring are poured out in his honor. 2010 - Someone finally manages to stop all the oil spilling out into the Gulf of Mexico. "Shit, man, you think we can clean it up before anybody notices?" 2017 - Two hours after a commemoration of the 1985 quake, accompanied by a national earthquake drill, a huge earthquake hits just outside Puebla, near the Greater Mexico City area. What the hell, Tepēyōllōtl??
  4. This Day In History

    This was my understanding.
  5. This Day In History

    On September 18 in History: 53 - Trajan is born. Your zenith approaches, Rome. 96 - Nerva is proclaimed Roman emperor on the assassination of Domitian. His greatest achievement will be adopting the guy from above. Long may he rei- aaaand, he's dead. 324 - Constantine defeats Licinius at the Battle of Chrysopolis. Two emperors enter, one emperor leaves. 524 - Kan B'alam I ascends the thrown of Palenque. He's the first ruler to use the title "K'inich", meaning "radiant" This means his full name translates as "Radiant Snake Jaguar", in case anyone was wondering why I always make sure to include these guys. 1066 - Harald Hardrada, King of Norway, lands on the northeastern coast of England to claim the realm for himself. This will be a year long remembered in the annals of Anglo-Norwegian history! 1598 - Death of Toyotomi Hideyoshi. "Excellent." ~Tokugawa Ieyasu 1714 - George I arrives in Great Britain for the first time since becoming king a month and a half ago. Or ever, really. 1914 - The Irish Home Rule Act is passed by the British parliament and becomes law. "But you'll have to wait until later; we're in the middle of something." 1928 - Spanish engineer Juan de la Cierva is the first to cross the English Channel in an autogyro because sure, why not? 1931 - A Japanese garrison officer detonates a batch of dynamite near a Japanese railroad near the town of Mukden in Manchuria that doesn't even damage anything. Clearly this is part of some kind of Chinese plot and we must launch a full invasion in response. 1934 - The Soviet Union is allowed to join the League of Nations. I once again refer you to the TV Tropes entry for "Token Evil Teammate". 1973 - Both Germanys join the United Nations. Also The Bahamas. This is likely the only thing these countries will ever have in common. 1974 - The hilariously named Hurricane Fifi strikes Honduras. I can't decided whether to picture a poodle or a stereotypical French maid. Haha, it's actually not funny over 5,000 people died. 1977 - Voyager I makes history, and for the first time the Earth and the Moon take a picture together. Of course the Moon had to ruin it by blinking. 1981 - France guillotines the death penalty. 1990 - Liechtenstein joins the U.N. This is kind of like letting your kid brother hang out in your clubhouse. 2014 - Scotland votes not to leave the UK. They will come to regret this.
  6. This Day In History

    Well, yes. The worst part was, it wasn't even the first time that had happened. Said village was already an attempt to reestablish society in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. There would have been people living there who were the first or second generation descendants of the survivors of the last plague that wiped out 90% of the population.
  7. This Day In History

    They also landed far north of where they intended, so even what they were expecting was different from what they got. That doesn't change the fact that they were critically unprepared and underqualified, not just for farming, but for setting up a colony in general and all that entails. If they hadn't happened upon an abandoned native village from which they could salvage supplies and utilize structures, and if the ship hadn't stayed with them that first winter, they'd have been proper fucked.
  8. This Day In History

    On September 16 in History: 681 - Pope Honorius is excommunicated by the Sixth Ecumenical Council. I mean, he's already dead; we just wanted to make extra sure he's in Hell. 1400 - Owain Glyndŵr is proclaimed Prince of Wales. Henry IV of England is not amused. 1620 - The Pilgrims set out from England on the Mayflower. In their haste and excitement to set up their own new religious colony in the New World, they forgot to bring along with them sufficient provisions, winter supplies, adequate tools, or anyone who knew what they fuck they were doing. 1701 - James II & VII of England and Scotland dies in exile in France. Or, as he's known by this time, "James". 1810 - Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla, a priest in the Mexican town of Dolores, rings a bell and cries out, "We must fight the Spanish and seize our independence!" To which the people of Mexico replied, "Okay, sure." 1955 - The military coup to oust Argentinian president Juan Perón is launched at midnight. Shots! 1963 - Malaya, Singapore, North Borneo, and Sarawak combine to form Malaysia. Singapore's not really feelin' it, though. 1975 - Papua New Guinea gains its independence from Australia. Indepenception. 1976 - Shavarsh Karapetyan, a champion swimmer from Armenia, saves 20 people from drowning after a trolley had fallen into a reservoir in the capital city of Yerevan. Your move, Mr. Phelps. 1979 - Eight East Germans escape to the West by means of a homemade hot air balloon. Every once in a while, one of those plans that's "just crazy enough to work" actually does. 2007 - Author James Oliver Rigney Jr., better known as Robert Jordan, dies before completing his epic fantasy series, The Wheel of Time. Oh, and it's really sad for his family, too.
  9. This Day In History

    On September 14 in History: 786 - Harun al-Rashid becomes Caliph on the same day his son is born. Even taking into account that his brother died, this is probably still the greatest day of his life. 919 - High King of Ireland Niall Glúndub and five other Irish kings are killed in the Battle of Islandbridge while trying to force the Vikings of Dublin of the realm. Well, shit. 1180 - Future shogun Minamoto no Yoritomo's force of 300 is outnumbered ten to one and overwhelmed at the Battle of Ishibashiyama, the first in which Yoritomo takes command. Fortunately for him, he escapes by the expedient method of hiding in a tree until somebody comes to rescue him. Japan's future leader! 1321 - Dante Alighieri embarks on the next great adventure. Which to him must be boring, since he's already seen everything. 1752 - Today comes after September 2 in the British Empire, which has just adopted the Gregorian calendar. Why they chose such an arbitrary date to do it, I couldn't tell you. 1812 - Napoleon's Grande Armée triumphantly enters Moscow. Victory is assured! ...wait, why is everything on fire? 1836 - Aaron Burr, already immobile from a stroke two years before, is finally put out of his misery by the vengeful ghost of Alexander Hamilton 1901 - William McKinley dies of his gunshot wound, resulting in Teddy Roosevelt becoming president. This is funny if you're aware that Teddy is very anti-corruption, and the powers-that-be in the political machine had conspired to place him in the office of the vice presidency, which has virtually no power, where he couldn't do any "damage" to their established order. Whoopsie. 1917 - Russian Empire out, Russian Republic in. "You're doing it backwards," says Rome. 1940 - Hungarian soldiers and civilians run around the area of Ip in Sălaj County, Romania, indiscriminately killing any ethnic Romanians they come across. Because the whole world has gone to hell and this is just the sort of shit that happens now, apparently. 1959 - The Soviet probe named Luna 2 is the first manmade object to reach the Moon, where it crashes. Don't worry, it was supposed to. 1960 - Mobutu Sese Seko, army chief of staff of the brand-newly independent Democratic Republic of the Congo, ousts both the Prime Minister and the President in a bloodless coup and takes control of the government. With CIA help, natch. 1982 - I try to be like Grace Kelly, but all her looks were too sad. Also, she's dead now. 1994 - The Major League Baseball season ends early due to a player strike, ending the Montreal Expos' last best chance at winning a championship and thus to continue existing. 2009 - Patrick Swayze dies, though he can occasionally still be seen making pottery with Demi Moore. 2015 - Gravitational waves are observed for the first time. "Told you." ~Einstein
  10. This Day In History

    On September 13 in History: 509 BCE - On Rome's Capitoline Hill, the Temple of Jupiter Optimus Maximus is dedicated. "Optimus Maximus" means "The best and greatest". Geez, Rome, suck up much? 81 - Roman emperor Titus dies, leaving us with his younger brother Domitian. Thanks a lot, dude. 379 - Yax Nuun Ahiin I ascends to the throne of Tikal. His name means "Curl Nose". Well that's kind of mean. 533 - Belisarius gives the Vandals a taste of their own medicine at the Battle of Ad Decimum, which will allow him to take the city of Carthage the following day. Several Byzantine/Roman soldiers have the weird feeling they've done this before. 678 - Future ruler of Palenque Kʼinich Ahkal Moʼ Nahb III is born. His name means Radiant Turtle Macaw Lake. What, are they just throwing darts at random words now? 1229 - Ögedei Khan becomes the second Khagan/Great Khan of the Mongol Empire. Good luck living up to your dad, guy. 1475 - Cesare Borgia is born to Pope Alexander VI. You know, the head of the church that demands celibacy from its clergy. Machiavelli takes a special interest. 1791 - Louis XVI of France accepts the country's new constitution, as he can clearly see which way the wind is blowing. Guy's got a head on his shoulders. 1814 - The British fail to capture the city of Baltimore or its defending outpost, Fort McHenry. Francis Scott Key writes a poem about it. You probably haven't read it. 1862 - A Union soldier finds a copy of Confederate general Robert E. Lee's detailed battle plans wrapped around some cigars lying in a field. Whoopsie. 1985 - Super Mario Bros. is released in Japan. It stars an Italian plumber who must save a princess from the clutches of an army of turtles in a kingdom populated by mushrooms. The turtles with their hard shells represent militarism, and the mushrooms represent those taken by the programmers when designing the game. 1993 - Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO Chairman Yasser Arafat shake hands at the White House. Well, that should solve everything. Looks like our work here is done.
  11. This Day In History

    On September 12 in History: 490 BCE - The Athenian army and their allies defeat the invading Persian army at the plains of Marathon. One guy runs himself to death back to the city to deliver the news - a feat millions of people will one day regularly recreate for fun. 640 - Death of Sak Kʼukʼ, former queen of Bàakʼ (Palenque). She hasn't been queen for 25 years, though; her son K'inich Janaab' Pakal (Pacal the Great) took over after only about three years. Officially, anyway. You know how these things work. 1609 - Henry Hudson begins exploring a river in the New World. We really should name it. 1683 - "YOU! SHALL NOT! PASS!" ~ Habsburgs, Poland-Lithuania, and the HRE to the Ottomans at the Battle of Vienna 1938 - Adolf Hitler demands that the largely German population of the Sudetenland in Czechoslovakia be given "autonomy" and "self-determination". By which of course he means, "Give it to me." 1959 - The first regularly scheduled TV program to be aired in color premiers. It's a Bonanza for the senses. 1962 - America's crazy president publicly talks about going to the moon, and "other things". 1974 - Ethiopian emperor Haile Selassie is deposed in a military coup after 58 years of rule. Sure could use some magic Jesus powers right about now. 1990 - The two Germanies and the four countries controlling those two Germanies agree to let there be just one Germany that controls itself. Next year. 2003 - Johnny Cash dies. Whether or not he falls into a burning ring of fire remains unclear, though I consider it unlikely. 2005 - The last of Israeli military units and settlers finish withdrawing from the Gaza Strip. Approximately 2,500 homes are left demolished. "Hey, not our problem anymore."
  12. This Day In History

    Well that's fine. I'd never expect every joke to land with every person all the time.
  13. This Day In History

    I missed a day due to traveling, so here it is. On September 9 in History: 9 - German-born Roman soldier Arminius leads a coalition of six German tribes in an ambush against three Roman legions in the Teutoburg Forest. The resulting slaughter - perhaps the worst defeat in Roman history - permanently ends Rome's designs on Germania, tips the scales of Roman history from expansion toward eventual collapse, and prevents the Romanization of all the Germanic peoples of Europe. In other words, it's kind of a big deal. 337 - Constantine I is succeeded as emperor by his three sons, Constantine II, Constantius II, and Constans. Okay, I'm sensing something of a theme with the names here. 1000 - King Olaf Tryggvasson has all 11 of his ships captured at the Battle of Svolder by the 70+ ships of his enemies (Kings of Denmark and Sweden, and one of Olaf's own Jarls) who didn't like that he was trying to unite Norway under one rule. Chiefly because they wanted bits of Norway for themselves. 1543 - Mary Stuart becomes "Queen of Scots" at nine months old. Surely she will have an illustrious reign. 1947 - The world's first computer bug is found. Literally. There was moth in the Mark II computer at Harvard. 1948 - Kim Il-Sung announces the creation of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. With the exception of "Korea", it will be none of those things. 1956 - Elvis Presley appears on the Ed Sullivan show. Puritans everywhere lose their shit. 1969 - The Canadian government declares French is to be equal to English, leading to numerous comedy sketches involving graffiti all expounding on the same joke. 1991 - Tajikistan quits the Soviet Union. For most westerners, this is the first time they've ever heard of Tajikistan. 1993 - The PLO officially recognizes Israel as a legitimate state. This is, so they say, all they wanted, right? So things can calm down now. 2015 - "Eat it, Victoria." ~ Elizabeth II, longest reigning British Monarch.
  14. This Day In History

    No, they don't. However, the Germany of that particular time in history was not the most stable of countries - however little of it was their own fault - and they had already started tiptoeing down the road that would lead to the regime of a decade later. So no, Germany today doesn't deserve a reputation for being the "bad guy" any more than France deserves one for "giving up". But Germany then can't pretend to have its hands clean. Plus, you know, it's a flippant pop-culture reference on a joke-a-day history post.
  15. This Day In History

    On September 8 in History: 1100 - Theodoric, the Bishop of Albano, is elected Antipope. Of course he and his pals would tell you he was elected Pope. 1331 - Stefan Dušan declares himself to be the King of Serbia. Nobody has the guts to tell him otherwise, so I guess he's the King of Serbia now. 1380 - The Battle of Kulikovo between the Mongol Golden Horde and an alliance of various Russian princes under Dmitry of Moscow is the Russians' Captain Picard moment. "The line must be drawn here! This far; no further!" 1504 - Michelangelo unveils his statue of a ripped naked guy with a tiny dick in Florence. 1522 - Magellan's ship Victoria arrives in Seville today, meaning the circumnavigation was not completed two days ago, but just now. This fact brought to you by this month's issue of "Well, Actually" magazine. 1593 - Hideyoshi's son, Toyotomi Hideyori, is born. "One day, son, all of Japan will be yours. My good friend Tokugawa here will see to it!" 1655 - Charles X Gustav of Sweden marches into Warsaw with a token force and takes it without a fight - the first foreign invader ever to capture the Polish capital. He is able to do this because he's been cutting such a brutal swath through Poland for the last few months that it makes the Blitzkrieg and Sherman's March to the Sea look like snowball fights. 1831 - William IV is crowned King of the United Kingdom, and also Hanover (which he already has been for months, but whatever), as they continue to rapidly run through all of George III's descendants. He'd better have a son quick or they're gonna lose that last bit. 1926 - Germany is admitted to the League of Nations. I direct you now to the TV Tropes entry for "Token Evil Teammate." 1946 - "Tsars? We don' need no stinking tsars." ~Bulgaria 1966 - Gene Roddenberry boldly goes where no TV show has gone before. 1978 - Iranian soldiers kill anywhere from 700 to 3000 protesters in Tehran, signalling to everyone savvy enough to pay attention that the Shah's days are numbered. The ominous name given to this event sort of loses its punch nowadays that we also use it to describe the mad rush for holiday discounts at Best Buy. 1991 - The Republic of Macedonia attains independence. Greece takes exception to their chosen name, and absolutely will not shut up about it for the next 27 years.