• Announcements

    • Robin

      Welcome!   03/05/2016

      Welcome, everyone, to the new 910CMX Community Forums. I'm still working on getting them running, so things may change.  If you're a 910 Comic creator and need your forum recreated, let me know and I'll get on it right away.  I'll do my best to make this new place as fun as the last one!

Illjwamh

Members
  • Content count

    264
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    7

Illjwamh last won the day on July 8

Illjwamh had the most liked content!

About Illjwamh

  • Rank
    Peripatetic Pretentious Pedant

Profile Information

  • Gender
  1. This Day In History

    On August 14 in History: 1183 - The controlling Taira clan of Japan escape with the 4 year-old emperor Antoku to avoid capture by the rival Minamoto clan. If they ran any farther west, they'd have gone right into the sea. That is probably the most egregious "one percenter" joke I've ever written. 1385 - In the Battle of Aljubarrota between Portugal and Castile, the forces of King John I prevail over the forces of King John I. God dammit, Europe. 1791 - Vodou priest Dutty Boukman leads a religious ceremony for slaves in Saint-Domingue, essentially kicking off the Haitian Revolution. "Sure beats a religion that condones this shit." ~All the slaves. 1848 - The U.S. Congress officially organizes the Oregon Territory. So many people die of dysentery. 1880 - The Cologne Cathedral in Germany is completed, just one day shy of its 632nd birthday. Go, German engineering! 1916 - Romania declares war on Austria-Hungary. All the cool countries were going to war; they didn't want to be left out. 1935 - In the U.S., the Social Security Act creates a slush fund to be used by political parties to fund pet projects without raising taxes. 1975 - The Rocky Horror Picture show opens in London. The longest running film release in history, it still has limited screenings to this day, like it's caught in some kind of Time Warp. 1983 - Mila Kunis is born. Nerds everywhere rejoice.
  2. This Day In History

    On August 10 in History: 1270 - Yekuno Amlak retakes the imperial throne of Ethiopia for the Solomonic dynasty, lost 100 years before. The north remembers. 1519 - Ferdinand Magellan sets sail from Seville to circumnavigate the globe. In his haste to get moving, he neglects to inoculate himself against the tropical disease known as hit by a spear. 1628 - The Swedish warship Vasa sinks on its maiden voyage. In the harbor. After 20 minutes. They hadn't even finished playing the theme music yet. 1776 - Word reaches London that the colonists are getting a bit uppity. 1792 - King Louis XVI of France is arrested and his guards killed by a mob. An awkward moment arises when the arresting officer, out of habit, declares it "in the king's name"; everyone has a good laugh. 1793 - The Louvre Museum opens in Paris. It mostly serves as a place to stash all the stuff they took from the king, such as the Louvre Museum. 1920 - The Ottoman Empire is divided up amongst the allies of World War One. Little thought is put into the newly drawn border lines because really, how much of a problem could it be? 1932 - Death of Rin Tin Tin. Who is a dog. I have reached the bottom of the barrel. 1988 - U.S. President Ronald Reagan signs the Civil Liberties act, which provides a sum of $20,000 to all surviving victims of WWII Japanese-American internment camps. No better way to pay back years of humiliation and the deprivation of human dignity and constitutional rights than with a down payment on your therapy bills. 1990 - The Magellan space probe reaches Venus. No joke, that is some kickass timing.
  3. This Day In History

    On August 6 in History: 1806 - The abdication of Francis II brings about the end of the aptly named Holy Roman Empire, a political amalgamation of autonomous German principalities. 1809 - Alfred, Lord Tennyson, whose full name does not include "Lloyd", is born. He will spend his life writing things that people who want to sound intelligent can quote out of context. 1825 - Bolivia gains independence from Spain. Big deal, who hasn't? 1870 - Prussia kicks France's butt in not one but two battles on the same day: Spicheren and Worth. Savvy historians might consider this foreshadowing. 1940 - The Soviet Union illegally annexes Estonia. It's nice to know we live in a world where they can't get away with stuff like that anymore. 1945 - The most counterintuitively named weapon of all time is dropped on the city of Hiroshima, killing untold thousands of people both instantly and over several agonizing years of radiation poisoning. Instead of immediately and unanimously deciding this should never happen again anywhere ever, humanity spends the next 50 years building several thousand more of the things. 1962 - Jamaica gains independence from the United Kingdom. Big deal, who hasn't? 1964 - Prometheus, the world's oldest living tree, is cut down - presumably by some asshole dentist from Minnesota. 1965 - The Voting Rights Act is signed into law by president Lyndon Johnson, prohibiting racial discrimination in voting across America. One hundred years after the end of the Civil War. Better late than never? 2012 - The Curiosity rover lands on Mars. Somebody's job is literally to drive an RC car around on another planet.
  4. This Day In History

    It's really neat. She did it as a publicity stunt without her husband's knowledge as a way to prove to him that there would be wide public interest in his invention. She kept a record of all the problems she encountered along the way, as well as how she dealt with them. She gave them to him as a sort of bug report, as well as some of her own suggestions such as an additional gear for going up hills. Apparently the route she took is mapped out and is something of a destination for driving enthusiasts.
  5. This Day In History

    On August 5 in History: 25 - "Han Dynasty's back, muthaf*****!" ~ Guangwu (They're in the East now). 910 - Raiding Danes are kicked out of England for the last time at the Battle of Tettenhall. Ha ha! Now England belongs to the Anglo-Saxons forever! 1100 - Henry I is crowned King of England. Despite being an exceptionally strong, capable, and effective ruler for 35 years, he is still at best only England's third most notable Henry. 1305 - William Wallace is captured near Glasgow, forcing Scotland to move on to the next charismatic freedom fighter with a vendetta against England. 1583 - The first officially declared English colony in North America (St. John's, N&L), predates Jamestown, VA by 23 years. Nobody lives there. You see, Americans? You're still special. 1620 - A ship called the Mayflower departs England for the new world. It's full of people who have no idea what they're doing, and any settlement is not likely to last long. 1860 - King Charles XV of Sweden adds "and Norway" to his title. His mantle is filling up with crowns. 1888 - The world's first road trip, from Mannheim to Pforzheim (an insane 65 mi./104 km), is undertaken by Bertha Benz and her two teenage sons. It takes all day. Among numerous other firsts, this is thought to be the first utterance of the phrase, "Are we there yet?" 1925 - With the Welsh language in danger of dying out, the political party Plaid Cyrmu is formed with the goal of reviving it. Other political aims include Welsh independence from England, and a severe restriction on vowels. 1940 - Joseph Stalin assumes everyone will be too distracted by Hitler to notice him annexing Latvia. He is correct. 1960 - Burkina Faso gains independence from France. "We still get trade deals and foreign aid and stuff though, right?" 1962 - For the heinous crime of suggesting that black people are in fact people, Nelson Mandela is sent to prison. 2010 - 33 men become trapped in a Chilean mine with a history of safety violations and geological instability. Nobody could have seen this coming. 2015 - The Environmental Protection Agency spills 3 million gallons of waste water contaminated with heavy metals into the Animas River in Colorado, turning it orange. Scott Pruitt will later base his tenure as head of the agency on this incident.
  6. This Day In History

    It is actually derived from burgher (referring to townfolk rather than delicious meat patty sandwiches). That's boring, though.
  7. This Day In History

    On July 30 in History: 762 - Baghdad is founded. A cultural and political hub, it is also a center of learning and enlightenment. No doubt it will be a beacon of wisdom and civilization to all of humanity for centuries to come. 1419 - The First Defenestration of Prague is exactly what it sounds like: an enraged Hussite mob demonstrates their frustrations by hurling a judge and six other city council members out a window to their deaths. The key word I want you to focus on here is: "first". 1619 - The House of Burgesses, the first representative body in the Americas, convenes in Jamestown, Virginia. First order of business: Wtf is a burgess? 1912 - Death of Emperor Mutsuhito. I mean Meiji. His name is Meiji now. He was never called that in life, and must never be called anything else in death. That won't confuse anybody. 1930 - In Uruguay, the first FIFA World Cup is won by the home team and a grand tradition is born. In the USA, another tradition is born as, despite their team placing third overall, nobody cares. 1947 - Arnold Schwarzenegger is born. I have no evidence for this, but I can only assume that either A.) it was done by C-section, or B.) his mother is Elastigirl. 1956 - "In God We Trust" is authorized as the U.S. national motto. If modern conservative rhetoric is to be believed, this makes our founding fathers roughly two centuries old at the time of their deaths. 1962 - The Trans-Canada Highway, longest in the world, opens. When South Park said, "To go anywhere in Canada, just follow the only road," they kind of weren't kidding. 1965 - Medicare and Medicaid are signed into law. This is because for some strange reason people actually think providing health care for people who need it is a good idea. Also, no Johnsoncare jokes. I'm better than that. 1971 - Apollo 15 astronauts David Scott and James Irwin become the first people to drive on the moon. Suck it, Armstrong. 1974 - US President Nixon releases an White House audio recordings after being ordered to by the Supreme Court, because - and I can't stress this enough - that is something they have the power to do. 1975 - In one of America's most enduring mysteries, Teamsters Union leader Jimmy Hoffa is
  8. This Day In History

    On July 29 in History 587 BCE - Jerusalem is sacked and the First Temple destroyed by the Neo-Babylonian Empire. This looks like it might spell the end of this Abrahamic "monotheism" thing. 238 - The Praetorian Guard, elite personal bodyguards of the Roman Emperors, storm the palace and abduct/execute the Roman Emperors, two dudes named Pupienus and Balbinus. In their place is put 13 year-old Gordian III, who one can only assume is told not to get too comfortable. 615 - Not to be outdone by young Gordian, Pakal becomes king of Palenque at age 12. Considering he will later be known as "the Great", I'm guessing he's more suited to the job than his Roman counterpart. 1030 - In the Battle of Stiklestad, Olaf II Haraldsson dies while trying to regain the Norwegian throne. I don't really have a joke, I just like saying "Stiklestad". 1148 - A decisive loss at the Siege of Damascus puts an end to the Second Crusade. For those who missed their chance to rape, pillage, and slaughter for the Lord, don't worry: we're thinking of having another one in about forty years or so. 1567 - James VI is crowned King of Scotland. He harbors a secret ambition to somehow lower his regnal number. 1588 - At the Battle of Gravelines, the Spanish Armada is defeated when the British Royal Navy's strategy of shooting their ships before they could get close enough to board proves a smashing success, if you'll pardon the pun. 1836 - The Arc de Triomphe is inaugurated in Paris, honoring all those who fought in the Revolution and the Napoleonic Wars. It also has a list of all French victories in those conflicts, as well as all victorious generals. Not Pictured: Russia, Leipzig, Waterloo. 1921 - The insignificantly tiny yet possibly subversive National Socialist German Workers Party installs as its new leader one Adolf Hitler, who only joined in the first place to keep an eye on them under orders from his military intelligence superiors. Nothing to worry about. 1958 - U.S. president Eisenhower officially creates NASA, and tells them to get off their fannies. 1981 - The Royal Wedding of Charles and Diana takes place in London. Invited guests are outnumbered three to one by the press, as of course is tradition. 2005 - Eris, largest dwarf planet in the Solar System by mass and second by volume, is discovered. Its name (after the goddess of strife) is remarkably apropos, as its discovery directly leads to the redefinition of Pluto, which to this day people are still arguing about. 2015 - Microsoft pretends the number 9 doesn't exist.
  9. Crazy Counting Guy

    Mon. Jul. 23, 2018 Sarah: 634 Mr. Raven: 113 Wed. Jul. 25, 2018 Charlotte: 82 (1st appearance since 2016) Ellen: 665 Fri. Jul. 27, 2018 Elliot: 925 Tedd: 736 Ellen: 666 Susan: 502 Diane: 165 Ashley: 170 Kevin: 11 Sarah: 635 Mr. Raven: 114 Mr. Verres: 132 (2018 debut) FULL COUNT
  10. This Day In History

    On July 25 in History: 306 - Constantine is proclaimed Roman Emperor by his troops. Now if only he could think of a way to get everyone to support his rule, and tie it to their spiritual beliefs somehow... 864 - In the Edict of Pistres, West Frankish king Charles the Bald decrees that it is no longer allowed to let Vikings raid in his territory. "Why didn't we think of that?" wonder his lords. 1109 - Some dude named Afonso is born. Wait for it... 1137 - Kicking off the prologue to a real-life story even crazier than Game of Thrones, Eleanor of Aquitaine marries the French prince Louis (later "VII of France"). 1139 - At the Battle of Ourique, Afonso Henriques does some Reconquisting and afterwards is name the first king of Portugal. Happy birthday, dude! 1261 - Forces of the Nicaean Empire recapture Constantinople, allowing the Imperial family and all administrators to change their letterhead back to "Byzantine". 1603 - James VI of Scotland is crowned James I of England. Thus, he averages out to James III 1/2 of Great Britain. 1755 - British governor Charles Lawrence to Acadians in Nova Scotia: "GTFO." Louisiana: "We'll take 'em! They're gonna have to drop a few syllables, though." 1792 - The Duke of Brunswick, supported by his Austrian and Prussian allies, warns Parisians that if the French royal family is harmed, there will be retaliation against French citizens. The threat works splendidly. 1814 - The Americans attempt to invade Canada but are repulsed. As my good friend Nelson Muntz would say, "Ha, ha!" 1853 - Joaquin Murrieta, a Californio bandit often compared to Robin Hood, is killed by rangers sent to bring him down. Much of his story later became inspiration for the character of Zorro, likely named such because an "M" is much harder to slash onto walls. 1861 - The U.S. Congress officially declares that the Civil War is being fought to preserve the Union, rather than to end slavery. This is frequently pointed to as evidence of the "states' rights" argument by Confederate apologists, whose own leaders had already officially declared multiple times that it was absolutely about wanting to keep their slaves. 1898 - The U.S. takes Puerto Rico from Spain, assuring everyone that they don't plan on doing anything with it under any circumstances. 1917 - Income tax is first introduced as a temporary measure in Canada. Technically, as long as they cancel it before the end of all life as we know it, that'll still be true. 1943 - Italians, having finally had enough of their incompetent, bombastic, strongman fascist leader and his exaggerated posturing accompanied by nigh-incoherent rants, vote him out. Punchline redacted. 1946 - A nuclear weapons test inadvertently creates Spongebob Squarepants. 1969 - Richard Nixon: "Our Asian allies must now be responsible for their own defense. Except you, Japan. And you, South Korea. Look, I'll be straight with you; I just really don't want to be in Vietnam anymore." 1984 - Cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya becomes the first woman to perform a spacewalk, as we move one step closer to Ralph Kramden's dream.
  11. This Day In History

    On July 20 in History: 325 BCE - Alexander the Great is born. Legend says he was conceived when Zeus threw a thunderbolt directly into his mother's uterus. I'm not making that up, by the way. 1304 - Edward Longshanks takes Stirling Castle in Scotland by means of the War Wolf, supposedly the largest trebuchet ever built. The 30 defending Scots, whose refusal to surrender was the source of Edward's frustration leading to the construction of the War Wolf, tried to give up when they saw it being built. Edward said, "Too late, bitches. You made me build this thing; I'm gonna effing use it. Come back after I smash your puny wall." I might be paraphrasing. 1779 - Tekle Giyorgis I becomes emperor of Ethiopia. Over the next 21 years, this would happen to him four more times. Makes the War of the Roses seem almost trivial, doesn't it? 1903 - The Ford Motor Company ships its first car. Also presumably its second, third, etc.. I can't see them building success by shipping only one car at a time. 1932 - The Bonus Expeditionary Force, a group of out-of-work veterans, march on Washington to demand payment on their service certificates, which for some reason had been deferred until 1945. Instead of doing this, the government and police thought it would be a good idea to fire tear gas into a group of WWI veterans, many of whom probably had PTSD. Gas. Think about that for a second. 1940 - Denmark leaves the League of Nations. Bet they're kicking themselves now, eh? Eh? 1944 - Adolf Hitler survives the assassination attempt known as Operation Valkyrie. This sounds impressive, even without a Tom Cruise movie, but in reality this is like Tuesday for Hitler. 1949 - Israel and Syria sign a truce, ending their 19 month war. It lasts forever. 1960 - The world's first elected female head of government is in...Sri Lanka? What, seriously? Get with the program, Western civilization. 1969 - Neil Armstrong botches a simple and carefully rehearsed line, causing one of the greatest achievements in human history to forever be associated with a phrase that doesn't make any sense. 1976 - Viking I lands on Mars. I think the fact that they timed it to coincide with the anniversary of the Moon Landing is as impressive as getting it there in the first place. 1977 - The CIA releases documents that show it had undertaken various experiments in mind control. This would be terrifying if it weren't hilarious. 1997 - The USS Constitution sets sail under its own power for the first time in 116 years. We can only hope we're as spry on our 200th birthdays.
  12. Story: Fri. Jul. 20, 2018

    The last couple Die Hard movies probably fit the bill.
  13. Crazy Counting Guy

    Wed. Jul. 11, 2018 Mr. Raven: 112 Noah: 70 (2018 debut) Max: 8 (1st appearance since 2016) Fri. Jul. 13, 2018 Tedd: 735 Sarah: 633 Grace: 803 Mon. Jul. 16, 2018 Nanase: 583 (2018 debut) Ellen: 664 Mrs. Dunkel: 17 Mr. Dunkel: 13 *All main characters have now appeared this year Wed. Jul. 18, 2018 Greg: 80 (1st appearance since 2016) Elliot: 924 Fri. Jul. 20, 2018 Susan: 501 Diane: 164 FULL COUNT
  14. Story: Fri. Jul. 20, 2018

    http://www.egscomics.com/comic/sister3-305 Woo! Diane! Excited to see her again. Also, glad to see that Susan is already considering her for things like this.
  15. This Day In History

    On July 19 in History: 64 - The Great Fire of Rome begins (or was it yesterday?), and will last for six days. I'm being told that Nero secretly ordered it, and watched while playing the lyre. No wait, he openly ordered it and watched while playing the lyre. Hang on, this says he openly ordered it and watched while playing the lyre somewhere else. Now I'm being told that it was the Christians, but they're actually just a scapegoat to cover up that Nero ordered it and may or may not have played the lyre. And THIS one says it was an accident and he wasn't even in the city. Gah! It's that bloody fifth dentist again! 711 - The Visigoth king Roderic is killed by victorious Umayyad invaders at the Battle of Guadalete, during what I am very cleverly calling the Conquista. 1553 - The Privy Council of England to Lady Jane Grey: "Lol, J/K, you're not the queen. Go ahead and stay in that tower, though." 1702 - A massive Polish and Saxon army with a strategically defensive position gets its ass handed to it by a force half its size of Charles XII's Swedes at the Battle of Klissow.. Serious consideration is given to renaming Saxon leader Augustus II "The Strong" to Flebilus "The Total Loser". Yes, I made a Latin joke. Look it up. 1870 - France, perhaps fearing a unified Germany under Prussian rule, declares war on Prussia, directly resulting in a unified Germany under Prussian rule. 1952 - The summer Olympics kick off in Helsinki, Finland. Because when I think summer sports, I think Finland. 1976 - Benedict Cumberbatch is born. His parents reason, "His name is already 'Cumberbatch.' In for a penny, in for a pound?" 1980 - Summer Olympics again, this time in Moscow. The U.S. and 65 other countries don't go, because they don't like that the Soviets invaded Afghanistan. "Fine!" they say. "We'll just have our own games! With blackjack! And hookers! You know what, forget the games!"