Illjwamh

Happy birthday, USA. On July 4 in History: 1054 - A supernova is first observed by observers in Arabia and Song China. For several months it will remain bright enough to see during the day. It will become what we know now as the Crab Nebula. Foreshadowing? 1187 - Saladin defeats the King of Jerusalem, Guy de Lusignan, at the Battle of Hattin. If he was anything like his portrayal in that Orlando Bloom movie, he totally had it coming. 1634 - The city of Trois-Rivières is founded. We know it today as Québec. At this point Boston is already four years old, so nyah. 1744 - Depending on whom you ask, the Treaty of Lancaster requires the Six Nations of the Iroquois to cede to colonial governments all land claims east of the Allegheny Mountains up to the Ohio River watershed, or to the Pacific Ocean. 1776 - 56 dudes in Philadelphia signed their names to a long-winded document containing a list of complaints about their king and how they didn't want to do what he said anymore. TL;DR: "Eff off, England." 1802 - Founding of the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. Better late than never. 1803 - The Louisiana Purchase is announced to the American people, who waste no time in condemning the Jefferson Administration for such wasteful spending. 1817 - Construction of the Erie Canal begins in Rome, NY, despite even more protests against wasteful spending. 1826 - Exactly 50 years to the day after signing the DoI, former president John Adams dies. His last words are purportedly, "[former president Thomas] Jefferson survives." Jefferson, of course, had died earlier in the day. 1827 - New York State abolishes slavery. Better late than never? 1831 - "My Country 'Tis of Thee" is written in Boston - ostensibly for elementary schoolchildren to have something to sing for the next hundred and eighty-five years, but by putting it to the tune of "God Save the King", it was really just another "F U" to England. 1855 - The first edition of Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass is published. In an idea that will be stolen by tech and software developers decades later, he never writes another book; he just keeps updating this one and forcing people to get the new version. 1862 - Lewis Carroll tells a story to a little girl. Wait for it... 1863 - The Army of Northern Virginia retreats from Gettysburg. The Confederacy never recovers their momentum or initiative, meaning they essentially lost their fight for independence on Independence Day. Burn! 1865 - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland is published. There it is! 1886 - France gifts the United states with the Statue of Liberty for their 110th birthday. Not wanting to seem rude or ungrateful, the Americans put it out by their front door so the French will see it the next time they come to visit. 1918 - Mehmed VI ascends to the Ottoman throne at the worst possible time. Meanwhile, Tsar Nicholas II of Russia is permanently removed from his, if you know what I mean. 1939 - Lou Gehrig redefines luck as being forced to quit your amazing job due to an incurable terminal disease. 1946 - The Philippines achieve independence from the U.S. Their two-fold reasons for waiting until today include not only irony, but also not having to reschedule their holidays. 1947 - The British House of Commons is presented with the Indian Independence Bill regarding both India and Pakistan. After glancing at a calendar, at least one member of Parliament is known to have said, "Oh, COME ON!" 1960 - The 50 star flag debuts, even though Hawaii has been a state for over ten months. Word has it they were growing tired if the federal government's claims that they were "getting around to it." 2004 - In the grand American tradition of using this day to tell their enemies to **** off, the cornerstone to the new One World Trade Center, a.k.a. the Freedom Tower, is laid. 2012 - Scientists at the LHC believe they may have discovered the Higgs boson, a.k.a. the "God Particle." World religions remain skeptical.

Happy Canada Day! I'm a day late; blame my vacation. On July 1 in History: 69 - Roman governor of Egypt Tiberius Julius Alexander orders his legions to support Vespasian as emperor. By a strange coincidence, Vespasian would become emperor, ending the Year of Four Emperors, shortly thereafter. 552 - Byzantine forces defeat the Ostrogoths at the Battle of Taginae, leading to them retaking large parts of the Italian peninsula that the Goths had taken back from them after they retook it the first time. They will keep it for a while. 1431 - At the Battle of La Higueruela (little fig tree) during the Reconquista, Castile is victorious over Granadan forces, but don't actually reconquist anything. 1523 - The Catholic Church, famous for its veneration of martyrs, martyrs a couple of Lutherans. They won't be the last, as organized religion's longstanding war against irony continues on. 1569 - Poland and Lithuania's fusion dance creates the Polish-Lithuanian-Commonwealth, or just the Commonwealth of Poland if you're not from Lithuania. 1766 - François-Jean de la Barre does not salute a passing religious procession in Abbeville, France. His punishment is swift: he is tortured, then burned at the stake with a copy of Voltaire's Dictionnaire philosophique nailed to his chest. They cut his head off first though, so he wouldn't suffer. The Church is nothing if not reasonable. 1863 - Suriname abolishes slavery. They saw what was going on up in the U.S. and said, "Holy shit, we don't want to be the last ones! That would make us look really bad!" 1867 - Province of Canada! New Brunswick! Nova Scotia! By your powers combined, I am Captain Canada! You can just call me Canada. 1873 - Prince Edward Island joins in, but they don't do the cool role call thing again. 1881 - The world's first international telephone call is made, which sounds impressive until you realize that it was between towns in Maine and New Brunswick that were just across a river from one another. 1885 - Leopold II of Belgium decides to call his personal rubber plantation the Congo Free State, because he thinks that's funny. 1898 - The only battle that anyone knows anything about from the Spanish American War takes place. 1943 - Tokyo City ceases to exist. No, you're not crazy; it merged with the prefecture, so it's technically not a city anymore. Pedant smash! 1959 - Still stubbornly refusing that French "metric" nonsense, the U.S., the UK, and other Commonwealth nations agree on standard values for yards and pounds and stuff. Glad we cleared that up. 1980 - "O Canada" is adopted as the national anthem, though for a long time there are many holdouts for the original anthem, "Hockey Night in Canada". 1984 - The MPAA says maybe kids shouldn't be seeing shit like a guy ripping another dude's heart out of his chest, and creates the PG-13 rating. 1997 - China takes Hong Kong back from the British. It's a great day for China and international cooperation. Slightly less as great a day for Hong Kong.

I'd say Elliot and Ashley definitely fit Lawful Good. As for the rest of the main cast, let's see... Sarah: Neutral Good? I dunno. Tedd: Chaotic Good, definitely. Grace: Also Chaotic Good? Maybe. Nanase: Neutral Good for sure. Ellen: Somewhere right on the corner where Neutral Good, Chaotic Good, Chaotic Neutral, and True Neutral meet. Justin: He seems a Neutral Good sort of guy. Susan: Probably the closest to True Neutral of anyone in the cast... Diane: ...with one possible exception.

Your Name / Kimi No Na Wa Effing brilliant, and you should watch it immediately.

Mon. Jun. 4, 2018 Elliot: 914 Ashley: 165 Arthur: 32 Ellen: 655 Wed. Jun. 6, 2018 Ellen: 656 Elliot: 915 Ashley: 166 Arthur: 33 Fri. Jun. 8, 2018 Ellen: 657 Arthur: 34 Elliot: 916 Ashley: 167 Mon. Jun. 11, 2018 Arthur: 35 Sybil: 4 Ellen: 658 Elliot: 917 Ashley: 168 FULL COUNT

On June 11 in History: 1184 BCE - According to Eratosthenes, this is the date Troy is sacked and burned. Seems legit. 1118 - The Prince of Antioch, a dude named Roger from Salerno, captures the town of Azaz from the Seljuk Turks. Another in a great string of victories reclaiming the holy land for Christianity. Nothing can stop them now! 1509 - Henry VIII of England marries Catherine of Aragon. May they have many happy years together. 1748 - Denmark is the first to adopt the now iconic Nordic Cross flag. Every other Nordic country will eventually copy them, trying to be cool. 1776 - The Continental Congress appoints Thomas Jefferson and four other guys nobody remembers to draft a Declaration of Independence for the fledgling United States. They should all fire their publicists. 1919 - Sir Barton is the first horse to win the U.S. Triple Crown, and for the first time I will pretend to care. 1963 - National Guard troops have to be mobilized to tell the Governor of Alabama to get out of the way so that some black kids can go to school. 'Murica. 1963 again - Buddhist monk Thích Quảng Đức dies from an acute case of setting himself on fire, in protest of the South Vietnamese government's treatment of Buddhists. One has to wonder what they were doing that was worse than setting them on fire. 1979 - After countless iconic on-screen deaths, John Wayne dies one last time for real. Guy had quite a life. 1986 - Shia LaBeouf's first avant-garde performance piece, his own birth, takes place. 2008 - Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper officially apologizes to First Nations people for the way they were forcibly and systematically reeducated over a hundred years by government-sanctioned, church-run boarding schools. That and a toonie will get you a box of stale, bitter Timbits. 2010 - The FIFA World Cup kicks off in South Africa, as the rest of the world learns the hard way what a vuvuzela is.

On June 10 in History: 323 BCE - Alexander the Great, one of the most successful military and political leaders of all time, and one of the most influential individuals in all of human history, dies of either a fever or a tummy ache. 1190 - While leading an army to Jerusalem, Frederick Barbarossa drowns in a river. A number of Crusaders, who don't believe in omens or anything, suddenly remember something very important they need to do back home. 1329 - The Byzantines lose the Battle of Pelekanon, essentially abandoning their remaining Anatolian holdings to the Ottomans. This doesn't even count as historical foreshadowing anymore; even the most inattentive observers can see where this is going. 1596 - Bear Island is discovered. Sadly, it is not ruled by an impossibly badass ten year-old girl. 1692 - Bridget Bishop is the first to be executed for witchcraft in Salem, Massachusetts. They knew she was a witch because she often spoke her mind, wore unique clothing, and had the audacity to inherit her husband's property. 1752 - Benjamin Franklin flies a kite in a thunderstorm, and rather than dying in an overly comical fashion as one might expect, he instead confirms an important scientific hypothesis. Some people have all the luck. 1829 - Oxford and Cambridge Universities have their first boat race on the Thames. They would have done it a week before, but someone said they saw a swan on the river and nobody wanted to go near it. 1924 - Italian socialist leader Giacomo Matteotti is kidnapped and killed by Fascists eleven days after speaking out against them in Parliament. Maybe the Italian people missed the red flag because it was too big, thus obscuring the fact that it was a flag and not just a red everything? 1940 - Italy declares war on France and the UK. Adorable. US president FDR denounces the action, but will do nothing. 1957 - The Progressive Conservative party of Canada takes control of the government, despite the fact that "Progressive Conservative" is an oxymoron of the highest order. 1964 - The Civil Rights Act passes the U.S. Senate after a 75 day filibuster. This means that there were actual elected officials so opposed to the idea of civil rights that they were willing to stand for hours on end yammering about nonsense for two and a half months. 'Murica. 1967 - The Six Day War between Israel and Syria ends. Not a moment too soon, either. Otherwise we'd be calling it the Week War, which is open to all kinds of misinterpretation. 2007 - The Sopranos airs its final episode on HBO, causing many people to

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Funny you should mention that. Their neighbors seemed to have a similar idea. On June 6 in History: 913 - Byzantine Emperor Alexander III plays polo too hard and literally dies from exhaustion. When ancient kings and conquerors spoke of the nobility and honor of dying on horseback, I somehow don't think this is what they had in mind. 1523 - Bringing an end to the Kalmar Union, Swedish regent Gustav Vasa is elected king, ensuring that everything significant in Sweden will happen on this day until the end of time. 1654 - Swedish Queen Christina abdicates in order to convert to Catholicism, and to avoid having to have children. Closer inspection reveals those two reasons don't really make much sense together. 1808 - Napoleon's brother Joseph is crowned King of Spain. What are the odds? 1809 - Sweden adopts a new constitution, reforming the government. Also, Charles XIII is elected the new king, and presumably a bunch of other things. 1844 - The YMCA is founded in London. It is purportedly fun to stay there. 1889 - The Great Seattle Fire destroys all of downtown. Seriously, the one time you actually want it to rain... 1916 - The Chinese government collapses, falling into the hands of various warlords such as Sun Yat-sen, providing the strongest evidence yet that time is cyclical. 1933 - The world's first Drive-in theater opens in New Jersey. The state's birth rates inexplicably skyrocket less than a year later. 1942 - U.S. forces sink four Japanese carriers and the cruiser Mikuma in the Battle of Midway, which loses a lot of its documentary air time to the next entry. 1944 - The inspiration for countless video games, the D-Day invasion codenamed Operation Overlord begins as British, Canadian and American troops storm the beaches at Normandy. TV time slots are booked through eternity, and several Academy Award statuettes are prepared in advance. 1968 - Robert Kennedy dies of his wounds from the assassination attempt of the previous day. His remaining brother Ted avows to never touch the presidency with a 40 foot pole. 1974 - Sweden becomes a paliamentary monarchy. Thought we were done with them, didn't you? 1984 - Tetris is released. 30 years later, the song is still stuck in everyone's head. You're humming it right now.

On June in History: 70 - Titus and his legions breach the middle wall of Jerusalem. Quoth Jerusalemites: "Again?" 1829 - The HMS Pickle captures a slave ship off of Cuba. Meanwhile, the HMS Grilled Onion is busy chasing seagulls or something. 1832 - A revolt breaks out in Paris to overthrow the monarchy of a guy named Louis. Really, you could guess this for any year between 1780 and 1880 and have a good chance of getting it right. 1851 - Some SJW lady writes a book about a guy named Tom and his cabin that's supposed to make us feel bad or something. Liberals, amirite? 1915 - Denmark grants women the right to vote. No doubt they are retroactively inspired by the bastion of freedom / greatest country on Earth that will do the same a little over five years later. 1916 - The Arab Revolt begins against the Ottoman Empire. A white guy will get most of the credit. 1944 - German gun emplacements are bombarded by over 5,000 tons of bombs from more than 1,000 airplanes along the Normandy coast. Just routine stuff. Totally not planning anything for tomorrow. 1947 - George Marshall convinces everyone that maybe letting a war-torn Europe wallow in economic devastation isn't a good idea. Because, you know, it worked so well the first time. 1956 - Elvis Presley scandalizes a bunch of old Puritan weirdos by wiggling his hips a little on TV. 1963 - Massive protests against the arrest of Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini by the Shah of Iran result in confrontations between demonstrators and tanks (and paratroopers). It's probably nothing to worry about. 1967 - The Six Day War begins between Israel on one side and Egypt, Jordan, and Syria on the other. Wait for it... 1968 - Presidential candidate Robert Kennedy is shot. Among other things, this leaves us with President Richard Nixon. So a shit day all around. 1975 - The UK holds a referendum on remaining in the European Economic Community. They vote overwhelmingly to stay, because come on, they're not idiots. 1989 - Some dude with his groceries becomes the subject of one of the most iconic photos of all time when he decides to stare down a tank. It is later discovered that his massive titanium balls were weighing him to the spot. 2000 - The Six Day War begins between the forces of Uganda and Rwanda within the D.R. Congo city of Kisangani. The sheer amount of detail required for disambiguation purposes to historically denote this war is staggering. 2017 - Montenegro officially joins NATO. Punchline redacted.

The Overtakening is official! Fri. Jun. 1, 2018 Arthur: 31 Ellen: 654 Ashley: 164 (now 9th) FULL COUNT

One thing really bothered me, though:

I liked it, which is saying a lot in itself, since I was not enthusiastic about it at all and thought it was going to be a complete waste of time.

Double Feature! On May 31 in History: 455 - While fleeing Rome, Emperor Petronius Maximus is stoned to death by an angry mob. Look, guys, if you're not going to take this whole "Emperor" thing seriously, just stop. You're ruining the word for the rest of us. 1578 - Henry III lays the first stone of what is now the oldest bridge in Paris, appropriately titled "New Bridge". 1859 - The clock tower housing Big Ben at the British Houses of Parliament begins keeping time. What they were using it for before this is anyone's guess. 1911 - The Titanic is launched in Belfast. I tell you this ship has a bright future ahead of her! 1911 again - Mexican President Porfirio Díaz flees the country during the revolution. He is lucky enough to avoid being stoned to death by an angry mob. 1977 - The Sex Pistols troll the British establishment so hard that people who only read headlines are left wondering why on Earth the BBC has just banned the national anthem from its airwaves. 2005 - The secret identity of Watergate informant Deep Throat is finally revealed to be who pretty much everybody already thought it was.

Mon. May 28, 2018 Arthur: 29 Ellen: 652 Elliot: 913 Ashley: 162 Wed. May 30, 2018 Ashley: 163 (tied w/ Diane for 9th) Arthur: 30 Kevin: 10 Ellen: 653 FULL COUNT

Another month coming to a close. Where is the time going? On May 30 in History: 1381 - Officials of English king Richard II cry out "The Peasants are Revolting!" Everyone has a good chuckle. 1431 - Joan of Arc is executed for political reasons on made-up religious grounds and is afterwards considered a martyr. I'm sure this is the only time something this absurd ever happened. 1536 - Henry VIII of England marries Jane Seymour, who had been a lady in waiting to both of his previous wives (the second of whom had been executed a mere eleven days prior). No, I don't see anything suspicious about that; why would you even ask? 1806 - Future United States President and consummate madman Andrew Jackson murders a man named Charles Dickinson in a duel for saying mean things about him. 1814 - The Treaty of Paris ends the Napoleonic Wars, setting all borders back to the way they were before, and exiles the man himself to Elba. "Sure, lol," says Napoleon. 1908 - Voice actor Mel Blanc is born. You might remember him as literally every Looney Toons character ever. 1913 - Albania gains independence as a result of the Treaty of London. The treaty ends the First Balkan War, which of course was already being called that, since everyone considered it basically a given that there would be more of them. 1989 - The Tiananmen Square protesters unveil their 33 foot (10 meter) "Goddess of Democracy" statue. Surely an oppressive, totalitarian, repressive regime would not dare destroy such a thing.

Many thanks.

I swear I looked for this before making a new one, but did not see it. Ah, well.

http://www.egscomics.com/comic/sister3-286 For me, this strip is all about Ashley's inner squeeing.

Back in the saddle! There'll be no considering about it. If she passes Diane, she'll be counted as a main character. Mon. Apr. 23, 2018 Kevin: 3 Golem: 3 Ashley: 152 Wed. Apr. 25, 2018 Kevin: 4 Ashley: 153 Golem: 4 Fri. Apr. 27, 2018 Golem: 5 Ellen: 643 Mon. Apr. 30, 2018 Ashley: 154 Kevin: 5 Elliot: 905 Magus: 54 Ellen: 644 Golem: 6 Wed. May 2, 2018 Ashley: 155 Kevin: 6 Ellen: 645 Elliot: 906 Fri. May 4, 2018 Ashley: 156 Ellen: 646 Kevin: 7 Elliot: 907 Golem: 7 Heka: 6 (2018 debut) Mon. May 7, 2018 Heka: 7 Golem: 8 Magus: 55 Wed. May 9, 2018 Golem: 9 Magus: 56 Fri. May 11, 2018 Golem: 10 Magus: 57 Mon. May 14, 2018 Golem: 11 Magus: 58 Elliot: 908 Ashley: 157 Kevin: 8 Ellen: 647 Wed. May 16, 2018 Magus: 59 Golem: 12 Fri. May 18, 2018 Magus: 60 Ellen: 648 Ashley: 158 Elliot: 909 Mon. May 21, 2018 Elliot: 910 Ellen: 649 Arthur: 26 Ashley: 159 Kevin: 9 Wed. May 23, 2018 Ellen: 650 Arthur: 27 Elliot: 911 Ashley: 160 Fri. May 25, 2018 Ellen: 651 Elliot: 912 Ashley: 161 Arthur: 28 FULL COUNT

Today's something of a big deal. On May 25 in History: 567 BCE - Servius Tullius, an Etruscan who became King of Rome, celebrates a triumph for defeating the Etruscans. Ancient politics were just as crazy as ours. 1085 - Alfonso VI of Castile successfully reclaims the ancient Visigoth capital of Toledo. The Reconquista is going along well, but there is still much Moor left to take. 1521 - Holy Roman Emperor Charles V's Edict of Worms declares Martin Luther an outlaw. That ought to nip this whole "Reformation" nonsense in the bud. 1660 - England is tired of the Cromwells and invites Charles II to come round because they'd like to have a king again, please. 1803 - Ralph Waldo Emerson comes into existence, and thereafter never shuts up about it. 1809 - The Chuquisaca Revolution in what is now Bolivia gets the ball rolling. What ball? Oh, you'll see. 1810 - Citizens of Buenos Aires to Viceroy Baltasar Hidalgo de Cisneros (and by extension, Spain): GTFO. 1819 - Argentine Constitution. Why couldn't the U.S. have synced theirs up with Lexington and Concord, huh? 1833 - Chilean Constitution. That's quite a ball. I told you. 1878 - Now give three cheers, because Gilbert and Sullivan's "H.M.S. Pinafore" opens in London. Is it silly comedy or clever political satire? Things are seldom what they seem. 1895 - Oscar Wilde is convicted of performing homosexual acts and is sent to prison for two years. Because that was a thing. 1914 - The UK House of Commons passes a bill that would allow Ireland to have self-rule within the UK, and then never implements it. 1925 - In the continuing saga of science teacher John T. Scopes, he is now officially indicted for teaching science to his science students in a science class. How DARE he? I hope they throw the Book at him. You know the one. 1961 - U.S. President John F. Kennedy announces to Congress his ludicrous intention to put a man on the moon. Sure, John. And they can eat moon pies with the moon people, and have all kinds of adventures. 1977 - The phrase "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..." becomes iconic. Also, people begin to unknowingly ship a dude and his hot sister for six years.

On May 20 in history: 325 - The First Council of Nicaea convenes to hash out some of the details of this new thing everyone believes in. Among topics being discussed: Was he part God or just really cool? Should we fix a date for Easter or copy the Jews and move it around? How big should bishops' hats be? (Answers settled upon: he totally was; copy that shit; ridiculously.) 491 - Because Byzantium is so progressive, widowed Empress Ariadne is allowed to choose her own husband - a guy named Anastasius. He still gets to do the emperoring, though (he does a good job, at least). Her previous model, Zeno, died of dysentery long before the Oregon Trail made it fashionable. 794 - East Anglian king Æthelberht II visits neighboring Mercia, hoping to marry princess Ælfthryth. He is imprisoned and beheaded instead. I'm mostly just upset that British royalty doesn't still have names like these. 1506 - Christopher Columbus dies, reportedly of complications due to gout or perhaps arthritis. However, witnesses will later claim to have seen several immigrants break into his home, take all of his things, and give him smallpox. 1520 - Spanish soldiers under Hernan Cortes' deputy Pedro de Alvarado suddenly kill a bunch of people without warning during a festival in Tenochtitlan. For some reason, this pisses the Aztecs off, who then decide they've had enough of the Spaniards' bullshit and turn on them. 1802 - Napoleon decides that abolishing slavery is just one revolutionary ideal he can't get on board with and rescinds it. 1873 - Jacob Davis and his partner receive a patent for blue jeans with copper rivets. Unfortunately for Mr. Davis's legacy, his partner, a Mr. Strauss, has a much catchier name than he does, which is why nobody goes around wearing Jacobs. 1940 - The first prisoners arrive at Auschwitz. I feel like if I were to make a joke about this one, Hell would spontaneously come into existence just so I could be sent there. 1948 - Chiang Kai-shek is elected the first real president of The Seriously Real Republic of Actual China, For Reals. 1956 - In the remote Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean, the United States create Godzilla. 1980 - The citizens of the province of Quebec vote 60% no in a referendum to separate from Canada. Quoth the leader of the Bloc Quebecois: "I'll get you next time, Trudeau! NEXT TIME!" ALTERNATE ENDINGS! "Qobra! Retreat! Retreat!" "Looks like Team Roquette's blasting off again!" "We would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for you meddling Canadians."

Beware the Ides of May! On May 15 in History: 908 - At three years old, Constantine VII is crowned co-emperor of Byzantium. His first royal decree is for the allowance of infinity cookies before bedtime. 1252 - Pope Innocent IV declares that heretics need to be tortured - obviously - but there are going to be rules about how, darn it! 1397 - Sejong the Great is born. Given that I live in Korea, I'd feel guilty not mentioning this. 1648 - 109 delegations gathered in Westphalia agree after 30 or so years to stop murdering each other over disagreements regarding how to Christian. Additionally, they establish the concept of state sovereignty that we still use today. So you win some, you lose some. 1730 - Robert Walpole becomes the first Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, despite that not being a thing for another 172 years. 1800 - Believing that his own death at the hands of the British government is necessary for the second coming of Jesus (because sure, why not?), James Hadfield attempts to assassinate King George III. In a twist that would make O. Henry proud, he will be deemed insane and thus acquitted. 1864 - Students from the Virginia Military Institute fight alongside Confederate troops in the Battle of New Market, helping to repel the Union army. And you thought your final exam was tough. 1869 - Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton form a club to advance women's rights, but immediately run into trouble with they realize they're not legally allowed to vote for a leader. 1911 - The U.S. government orders the breakup of the Standard Oil corporation. Remember that scene in Teminator 2 when the frozen T-1000 shatters? 1928 - First appearance of Mickey Mouse. Created by Ub Iwerks, he is meant to compete with Disney's original mascot character, Oswald the Rabbit, now owned by Universal. Well, good luck with that. 1940 - Richard and Maurice McDonald open a hamburger stand in San Bernadino, California. In opposition to conventional wisdom, they do not hire a skilled cook, and disallow special orders. I can't see this business model going anywhere. 1948 - Egypt, Transjordan, Lebanon, Syria, Iraq and Saudi Arabia invade Israel. With such a disparity in belligerents, this is likely to be a quick war with few lasting consequences. 1974 - Ahmet Zappa is born, and is immediately envied by his two older siblings for having an actual name for a name. 2010 - At 16 years old, Jessica Watson becomes the youngest person to sail around the world solo. Meanwhile, at 34, I have yet to beat the newest Zelda game, which I bought last year.

Roger. It's not so much that I forgot to mention it; I just couldn't think of anything funny to say.

If I'd done this three years ago, it would have been a fun numbers day. On May 10 in History: 1291 - The nobles of Scotland agree to let Edward "Longshanks" I of England be their overlord in exchange for helping them choose a new king. They will come to regret this. 1497 - Supposed date of Amerigo Vespucci's departure for the New World, which we really should think of an official name for at some point. 1503 - Christopher Columbus visits the Cayman Islands, names them after turtles, and inevitably once again demonstrates his fathomless douchebaggery. 1768 - John Wilkes is arrested for writing an article criticizing King George III. The booth he was held in bears his name. I'll see myself out. 1773 - British Parliament passes the Tea Act, which is chiefly designed to give the British East India Company a monopoly over the North American tea trade. They will come to regret this. 1774 - Louis XVI and his wife, Marie Antoinette, become king and queen of France. They will come to regret this. 1838 - The eventual assassin of Abraham Lincoln is born. You remember his name, right? Right? Okay, I'm done for real this time. 1869 - The First Transcontinental Railroad is completed with a golden spike ceremony in Utah, allowing people to indiscriminately slaughter bison and harass natives uninterrupted from coast to coast. 1908 - Mother's Day is celebrated for the first time in the U.S., and - Holy shit, I need to get on Amazon! 1933 - The Nazi Party stage numerous public book burnings. Donald Trump takes copious notes. 1940 - The German military informs the nations of Belgium, Luxembourg, and the Netherlands that they are in the way. 1975 - Sony introduces the Betamax video cassette recorder. Or, as everyone under 40 calls it, "The what?" 1994 - With the inauguration of Nelson Mandela, South Africa goes from Apartheid to black president in a mere three years - a record yet to be broken.