Illjwamh

I think you're jumping ahead a little there. On April 3 in history: 686 - Yuknoom Yich'aak K'ahk' becomes king of the Maya city-state of Calakmul. Translated, his name means "Jaguar Paw Smoke", which is just about the coolest name of any king anywhere ever. 801 - Louis the Pious captures Barcelona from the Moors. Oh, I'm sorry, that was the Moops. 1860 - The first Pony Express run - from St. Joseph, Missouri to Sacramento, California - begins. The finale of the William Tell Overture presumably accompanies the entire thing. 1865 - Union forces capture the Confederate capital of Richmond, Virginia. The Confederate higher-ups come to the conclusion that putting their capital within a day's journey from the Union capital was not their best idea. 1882 - Jesse James is shot in the back by Robert Ford, which everybody knows thanks to the title of an incredibly boring movie that nobody saw. 1888 - A woman is brutally murdered in the Whitechapel district of London's East End. This would happen ten more times, spawning the legend of one of history's most infamous killers, numerous games and derivative novels, and the most infuriating and frustrating episode of CSI ever. 1922 - Ioseb Besarionis dze Jughashvili, better known as Joseph Stalin, becomes the first General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. Savvy onlookers notice John Williams' "Imperial March" playing softly in the background. 1955 - The ACLU announces it will defend Allen Ginsberg's "Howl" against obscenity charges. In other news, obscenity charges were a thing. Wtf? 1981 - The first portable computer is unveiled. It weighs 23 and a half pounds, includes no battery, and has less computing power than my wristwatch. 2010 - The first generation iPad is released. I still don't need one, and I still want one.

No comments on my obvious bullcrap? Ah, well. Fo' real, tho: April 1 in History: 286 - Roman general Maximian is made co-emperor and ruler of the Western half of the empire by Diocletian. Both of his balls remain intact. 457 - Majorian is made emperor by the Roman army. You might start to notice something of a theme as we continue. 527 - Justin I names his nephew Justinian co-emperor and heir. Knowing Byzantine politics, he may well have been piss drunk when he did it. Turned out to be a really good idea anyway, though. 528 - The daughter of Emperor Xiaoming of Northern Wei becomes the first female monarch of China. It should tell you something that she only ruled for a day, she was instated officially as a male heir, and we only know her as "The Daughter of Emperor Xiaoming of Northern Wei". 1318 - The Scottish capture Berwick-upon-Tweed from England. Knowing the historical tensions between the two countries, if there was any poop-in-eye shenanigans going on, you can bet it wasn't a duck's. 1789 - The U.S. House of Representatives selects its very first Speaker of the House. If they were anything at all like today's House, that's all they accomplished that whole week. 1854 - Charles Dickens begins serializing his novel Hard Times, which as long as I never read, I'm going to continue assuming is full of boner jokes. 1918 - The RAF is formed. I have it on good authority that they do not allow chickens behind the controls of complex aircraft. 1924 - Hitler goes to jail. He may or may not have been violated repeatedly by angry, burly bikers with father issues and something to prove, but if I ever get a time machine, I'm totally selling that story to a tabloid. Also 1924 - The Royal Canadian Air Force is formed. They're both dead now, but their replacements still fly the original plane. 1944 - Thanks to faulty navigation, American planes accidentally bomb the Swiss city of Schaffhausen. Attempts to pass it off as an April Fool's Day prank are poorly received. 1957 - The BBC, in perhaps its single greatest broadcast of all time, convinced hundreds of people across Britain that spaghetti grew on trees. No, really. 2001 - Same-sex marriage becomes legal in the Netherlands, which is why that country no longer exists, having been wiped off the face of the earth by the angry fist of God two weeks later. 2009 - Croatia and Albania join NATO, because who even cares what the letters stand for anymore? 2015 - Misao Okawa, the oldest person in the world and the oldest Japanese person ever, dies at the age of 117 years, 27 days. Only four people in recorded history have lived longer than her.

What, 900!?? There's...no way that can be right! Can it?

Fri. Mar. 23, 2018 Ashley: 144 Sirleck: 28 Magus: 43 Mon. Mar. 26, 2018 Magus: 44 Elliot: 896 Ashley: 145 *Yes, we know that's Ellen but she's not in-panel enough to count Wed. Mar. 28, 2018 Magus: 45 Elliot: 897 Ellen: 640 Ashley: 146 Fri. Mar. 30, 2018 Elliot: 898 Ashley: 147 Magus: 46 Terra: 4 (2018 debut) FULL COUNT

On April 1 in History: 286 - While on a campaign, Roman general and future emperor Maximian has one of his testicles bitten of by an officer's hound. The dog choked, since it was obviously solid brass. 527 - Justinian I chooses the day he becomes co-emperor to get piss drunk and call everyone at court the most vulgar things he can imagine. As he's the emperor, they thank him and as for another. 1318 - A flock of ducks flying over Berwick-upon-Tweed manage to poop - not once, but twice - right in the mayor's eye. They were Scottish ducks. 1789 - The first U.S. Speaker of the House of Representatives pees himself in front of a full chamber during Congress's first full session. Everyone pretends not to notice. 1854 - Charles Dickens begins a magazine serial about boner jokes. 1924 - Adolf Hitler is sentenced to five years in prison, of which he only serves nine months, as recompense for the near-constant stream of anal violation he suffered while in there. 1949 - Canada invades Japan. All they want are the tuna, and they leave as quickly as they come. 2010 - Crab people attempt to co-opt American culture by making a reality TV show about a family of Irish Travelers.

On March 31 in History: 397 - Future king K'uk B'alam I of the Mayan city of Bàakʼ(Palenque) is born. I'm just putting this on here to emphasize how awesome it is that we know that. 1492 - Isabella of Castile to her Jewish and Muslim subjects: "Catholic or GTFO." 1596 - René Descartes begins thinking. 1631 - John Donne is finished. Caput. Finito. No more. Expired and gone to meet his maker. ...Okay, I'm done. 1854 - The Tokugawa Shogunate determines that allowing foreigners to trade is a better idea than being blown up. 1889 - The Eiffel Tower opens. It is a hideous metal monstrosity that will make Paris the laughing stock of the cultured world. 1949 - Newfoundland joins Canada, under condition that they will be the butt of all jokes for the next 150 years. 1995 - Selena is murdered by the president of her fan club, who decided she didn't like the singer as much after not being allowed to embezzle money from said club. 1998 - Refusing to let Microsoft have the last laugh, Netscape releases their browser source code for free.

Gerudo Valley

Is it weird that I actually prefer the unfinished Ashley face? Maybe it comes from reading so much manga. This was my interpretation.

If I discovered I could teleport, the first thing I'd do is pop home for a bit. I've been living overseas for a long time now, and air travel to the states is uncomfortably expensive, especially given the minimal periods of available time off during which I could even make use of it. I've no intention of permanently returning to the U.S. anytime soon (for some reason), but one does miss it from time to time.

If this is what reputation means, then I've only recently escaped the reign of Caligula. Thanks to whoever got me out of that one.

A kid driving the first post of a new fence as his first post ever? Come on, now.

Wed. Mar. 21, 2018 Ellen: 639 Sirleck: 27 Magus: 42 FULL COUNT

I win.

Narwhals, eh?

Fri. Mar. 16, 2018 Ashley: 142 Magus: 40 Sirleck: 25 Ellen: 637 Elliot: 894 (2018 debut) Mon. Mar. 19, 2018 Ashley: 143 Elliot: 895 Sirleck: 26 Ellen: 638 Magus: 41 FULL COUNT

My theory is that she is an awakened mage. I'm guessing Sirleck hasn't ever tried to possess anyone with any real magic ability before. If true, that means his plan to possess Magus was doomed to failure anyway, so if that's not it, Ellen becomes a lot cooler.

I would love to claim that I've been tallying Ellen and Sirleck separately in the counting thread because I saw this coming.

Fri. Mar. 9, 2018 Ashley: 139 Sirleck: 23 Ellen: 635 Magus: 38 Mon. Mar. 12, 2018 Ashley: 140 Wed. Mar. 14, 2018 Sirleck: 24 Ellen: 636 Magus: 39 Ashley: 141 FULL COUNT

It seemed pretty clear to me that Voltaire marked Dex. He basically said as much when he visited the gang, not to mention Pandora didn't seem to know anything about that incident. My question is: am I the only one who doesn't like the Q&A segments?

Lol. I had the same thought.

I did. I thought it was obvious, actually.

I wasn't actually expecting them to notice that; I had anticipated completely by-surprise shenanigans. I suppose it makes sense for Magus to be able to sense it, however.

Wed. Mar. 7, 2018 Magus: 37 Ashley: 138 Sirleck: 22 Ellen: 634 FULL COUNT

Mon. Feb. 26, 2018 Arthur: 22 Van: 13 Tedd: 729 Wed. Feb. 28, 2018 Tedd: 730 Arthur: 23 WoM: 15 Van: 14 Fri. Mar. 2, 2018 Tedd: 731 Mon. Mar. 5, 2018 Ashley: 137 Magus: 36 (2018 debut) Sirleck: 21 Ellen: 633 FULL COUNT