Illjwamh

Hmm, interesting. Because all reports seem to indicate that neither he nor his son did anything wrong whatsoever. Please provide any contrary evidence you have so that I can see where you're coming from.

You mean Joe Biden who does not currently work in government and has literally no power to do that?

You're suggesting that Congressional Democrats arranged to have military aid withheld from Ukraine unless they publicly announced an investigation into Joe Biden over nothing, then took steps to cover up this arrangement so that no one would ever know about it? Then instructed the people involved to lie about it?

Except not at all, because that's absurd, and Trump is being impeached for actual real crimes and abuses of power.

On November 7 in History: 921 - The Treaty of Bonn between West and East Frankian kings Charles the Simple and Henry the Fowler establishes the border between their two realms at the Rhine River. France and Germany never have border disputes again. 1186 - Birth of Ögedei Khan, poster child for remarkable historical people frequently outshone by his even more remarkable relatives. 1811 - Warriors of Tecumseh's Native Confederacy learn when you shouldn't let your spiritual leader (Tecumseh's brother) pull double duty as a military commander when they are defeated and their capital of Prophetstown destroyed by U.S. troops under William Henry Harrison at the Battle of Tippecanoe. But hey, at least Harrison will get a sweet campaign slogan out of it. 1879 - Birth of Leon Trotsky, the Snowball to Stalin's Napoleon. 1907 - Railroad brakeman Jesús García saves the town of Nacozari de García in Sonora, Mexico by driving a burning train full of dynamite out of town before it explodes. In the process, he inadvertently inspires the ending of The Dark Knight Rises. 1916 - Jeannette Rankin is the first woman to be elected to U.S. Congress (a Representative from Montana). Don't know what good she'll do in there; everyone knows women can't vote. 1917 - The Bolsheviks storm the Winter Palace as part of Trotsky's birthday party. 1944 - Franklin D. Roosevelt is elected President of the United States for the fourth time. We're pretty much gonna keep picking him until he dies. 1990 - Mary Robinson is the first woman elected president of Ireland, adding just one more to the long list of countries who've managed this before the United States. 1996 - Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O'Connor is born. She'll never be royal, but she might one day rise as high as a Lorde. 2007 - A school shooting in Jokela, Finland, results in the deaths of nine people. Pundits blame repeated exposure to American culture and news broadcasts.

On November 6 in History: 1217 - The Charter of the Forest returns several land usage rights to free men of England. Thank goodness Henry III was as feckless as his father or we might never have gotten this. 1494 - Future Ottoman sultan Suleiman I is born. Have you ever seen such a Magnificent baby? 1632 - The father of modern warfare and forger of the Swedish Empire, Gustavus Adolphus, dies in the Battle of Lützen. Fortunately, unlike so many other iterations of this story, he's taught others what they needed to know so that everything he built won't immediately collapse. 1814 - Birth of Adolphe Sax, a Belgian musician who is famous for inventing a new instrument. You'll never guess which one. 1860 - Abraham Lincoln is elected president of the United States. Upset at not getting their way, many southerners form plans to rage quit. 1861 - Jefferson Davis is elected president of the Confederate States. Right, like that's going to keep being a thing. 1917 - Canadian forces finally take the village of Passchendaele in Flanders after three months of brutal fighting. At last, this strategically insignificant town and its irrelevant surroundings are firmly in allied hands. 1928 - Herbert Hoover is elected president of the United States, despite numerous accusations that he sucks. 1945 - Concerned that her status as a Soviet spy would soon be uncovered by U.S. authorities, Elizabeth Bentley confesses her status as a Soviet spy to U.S. authorities. The espionage version of "You can't fire me; I quit." 1962 - The U.N. condemns apartheid and calls for member states to cease military and economic relations with South Africa. "Yeah, totally. That's a fucked up system, man. Like, who would do that?" ~The United States 1988 - Actress Emma Stone is born. She will age for precisely 21 years and then stop. 2012 - Barack Obama is elected president of the United States for the second time. Racists and white nationalists begin plotting their revenge, for which no one is prepared.

On November 3 in History: 361 - Emperor Constantius II dies of a fever. He is baptized on his deathbed and declares his cousin Julian, a pagan, as his successor. Gettin' some real mixed signals from ya here, pal. 644 - Death of second Rashidun caliph Umar ibn al-Khattab. He was assassinated by captured Persian soldier/slave Piruz Nahavandi, who killed himself four days ago. It makes sense in context. 1534 - "Popes? We don't need no stinking Popes. I'll do it myself." ~Henry VIII 1852 - Birth of Emperor Meiji, whose name won't be Meiji until he dies. 1903 - Panama separates from Colombia after being encouraged to do so by the U.S.. I wonder what stake they could possibly have in this. 1926 - Annie Oakley dies of poor health brought on by anemia. A reaper's scythe is later found with a hole shot clean through it. 1928 - Birth of Tezuka Osamu. If Miyazaki Hayao is Japan's Walt Disney, Tezuka is their Stan Lee. Only they came in reverse order over there. 1957 - Russian dog Laika is the first animal to enter Earth orbit. Mr. President, we cannot allow a space dog gap! 1978 - Dominica gains independence from the U.K. No, not that one; it's a commonwealth, not a republic, and it's pronounced differently! 1986 - Time for another country to gain independence FROM the United States of America. This time, it's the Federated States of Micronesia, who keep the naming theme as a gesture of good faith. 1998 - Death of Bob Kane, co-creator of Batman. His daughter vows to avenge him. 2014 - One World Trade Center, a.k.a. The Freedom Tower, officially opens in New York City. Suck it, Bin Laden. Oh that's right; you're dead.

That's the joke.

On November 2 in History: 1795 - Formation of the French Directory, a five-man Revolutionary government. This one ought to stick. 1914 - Russia declares war on the Ottoman Empire. The WWI equivalent of "My grandpa can beat up your grandpa." 1936 - BBC starts a TV service. I'm skeptical, but willing to give it a shot. 1947 - Maiden flight of the Spruce Goose. A new age of aviation has dawned! 1964 - King Saud is deposed by his family and replaced by his brother Faisal. They draw the line at renaming the country Faisali Arabia, though. 2016 - The Chicago Cubs overcome a 108 year-old goat curse.

On November 1 in History: 1512 - The public is allowed to look at paintings of naked people in the Sistine Chapel for the first time. 1604 - Shakespeare's Othello is performed for the first time at Whitehall Palace. It contains his best villain, hands down, who in perfect proof of the degradation of our culture, is best known as a wisecracking parrot. 1611 - Shakespeare's The Tempest is performed for the first time at Whitehall Palace. That's it, folks; there ain't no more and there never will be. 1755 - A massive earthquake and its ensuing fires and tsunamis pretty much completely destroy the city of Lisbon, killing anywhere from sixty to ninety thousand people. You know, if anyone was wondering why the Portuguese empire didn't hang around for as long as the British, French, or Spanish ones. 1765 - The British government institutes a tax by way of the Stamp Act on its North American colonies in order to pay for military operations there that may or may not have been necessary to begin with. They will come to regret this. 1790 - Irish statesman Edmund Burke writes a pamphlet in which he predicts that the French Revolution will end in disaster. I suppose whether or not he's right depends on how you define the words "end" and "disaster". 1861 - Abraham Lincoln appoints George McClellan as commander of the Union Army. He will come to regret this. 1870 - The U.S. Weather Bureau makes its very first forecast. I don't know for certain that it was wrong, but come on, it was totally wrong. 1894 - Nicholas II becomes Tsar of all Russia. That's it, folks; there ain't no more and there never will be. 1896 - For the first time, National Geographic magazine contains a picture of a woman with bare breasts. Aspiring explorers read it for the articles. 1922 - "All right, all right, I quit." ~Ottoman Sultan Mehmed VI. Ain't no more, never will be, you know the drill. 1944 - The term "veganism" is invented by English animal rights activist Donald Watson, who will not stop telling everybody about it. 1955 - War breaks out in Vietnam. Just a petty regional scuffle. Shouldn't last long. 1973 - Birth of Aishwarya Rai, often referred to by media outlets as "The Most Beautiful Woman in the World." Well, I don't know about that; I'll have to have a look and...WOW. 1981 - Antigua and Barbuda gains its independence from the UK. The singular conjugation is correct, no matter how weird it feels. 2000 - Serbia and Montenegro joins the United Nations. Gah, there it is again! My grammar anxiety is freaking out. Yes, that's a thing; shut up.

I really do like Diane.

It's been expanded into a book. I highly recommend it.

On October 29 in History: 539 BCE - Cyrus the Great to the Jews, upon entering Babylon (which he owns now): "Y'all can go home now if you want." 312 - Constantine the Great enters Rome (which he owns now) to great pomp and circumstance. He has his rival/predecessor Maxentius fished out of the river so he can be properly decapitated. 1665 - King António I Nvita a Nkanga of Kongo is killed in the Battle of Mbwila against Portugal, along with anyone who could be his heir and a number of high ranking nobles. Portugal has neither the desire nor the resources or manpower to take control of Kongo, so looks like it's civil war for everybody! 1914 - The Ottoman Empire enters World War One on the side of the Central Powers. They will come to regret this. 1922 - Victor Emmanuel III of Italy appoints Benito Mussolini as Prime Minister. He will come to regret this. To be fair, he doesn't really have a choice. 1923 - The Republic of Turkey is officially established. Okay, the war was a bad idea; we get it! You don't need to rub salt in the wound. 1929 - Following two earlier stock market crashes on "Black Thursday" and "Black Monday" (yesterday), the creatively named "Black Tuesday" is the worst one yet. Not to worry; our economy is robust. I'm sure it'll recover in a matter of weeks. Months, tops. 1942 - Bob Ross is born. At first there are concerns there's something wrong with him, as he doesn't cry, but it turns out he's just the most chill baby of all time. 1956 "Surprise, fuckers!" ~Israeli forces suddenly in the Sinai Peninsula 1964 - Tanganyika and Zanzibar, who already performed the fusion dance back in April, finally decide on their fusion name, Tanzania. 1969 - One computer is linked to another via ARPANET. I tell you, the things they can do these days. 2004 - A video clip is broadcast on Al Jazeera of Osama bin Laden admitting his direct responsibility for the 9/11 attacks. Shock! Gasp! 2012 - Hurricane Sandy hits the U.S. east coast. It's the first named hurricane to describe what everything looks like after it dissipates. 2015 - "Okay, it's possible we didn't think this through. We need y'all to start procreating a little bit more." ~China

Even the intent would preclude Obama from being VP if you ask me. The wording is pretty clear as far as I'm concerned. They didn't want anyone "constitutionally ineligible". In other words, they didn't want people skirting around the rules. They were fully aware that the rules can change; the prohibition against skirting around them would still stand.

On October 28 in History: 97 - The Praetorian Guard forces Emperor Nerva to adopt Marcus Ulpius Trajanus as his heir. You're welcome, Rome. 306 - Maxentius is proclaimed Roman Emperor. Well, one of them, anyway. It's becoming something of a club. Wait for it... 312 - Maxentius is defeated by Constantine, who is now the only emperor in the West. The club is hereby abolished. 1420 - The Forbidden City is completed, making Beijing the official capital of the Ming Dynasty. Members only! 1449 - Christian I becomes King of Denmark. That's a good name for a king. We should stick with that one, maybe. 1453 - Ladislaus the Posthumous is crowned king of Bohemia. I was devastated to learn that his epithet simply refers to the fact that he was born after his father's death, rather than him being crowed after his own death, because that would have been hilarious. 1492 - Christopher Columbus lands in Cuba. Nobody tell him; he thinks it's Borneo or something. 1726 - Jonathan Swift publishes Gulliver's Travels a brilliant satire involving the title character's adventures in absurd and fantastical places like Lilliput, Brobdingnag, Glubbdubdrib, and Japan. 1835 - A number of Maori chiefs sign the Declaration of the Independence of New Zealand. "Right, we'll get right on that." ~The British 1922 - Mussolini and a bunch of his fascists march on Rome and take over the Italian government. "Well, shit. Maybe we should have done something about that." 1940 - Italians: "Little Greeks, little Greeks, let us in." Greeks: "Go fuck yourselves." Oh, now you've done it. We're coming in whether you like it or not. 1948 - Paul Müller wins the Nobel Prize for Medicine for discovering that DDT can be used as an insecticide. Ooh. Ooh, this is awkward. 1956 - Elvis is vaccinated against polio on live television. While it infuriates me that people who don't listen to their doctor will listen to Elvis, at least he's using his power for good. 1995 - A fire on the metro line in Baku, Azerbaijan remains to this day the world's deadliest subway disaster, outside that one time an entire office party all choked on their teriyaki chicken footlongs. No for real though, 289 people died. 2007 - First Lady Cristina Fernández de Kirchner of Argentina is the first woman elected president of Argentina. "This is bullshit!" ~Hillary Clinton, dressed as Eva Perón for Halloween 2019 - (Actually yesterday, but whatever). Former president and first lady Cristina Fernández de Kirchner is elected Vice President of Argentina. Is she trying to fill out a bingo card or something?

On October 26 in History: 899 - Death of Alfred, the only English king ever to be styled "the Great". You know what that means; it's all downhill for England from here, lads. 1185 - Brothers Peter and Asen, tired of their peoples' mistreatment by their Byzantine overlords, decide that the Bulgarian Empire had been pretty cool and maybe we should start another one of those. 1341 - Nine yearo-old John V of Byzantium's regent, John VI Kantakouzenos, decides he should be co-emperor. John V's mother disagrees. "Excellent." ~Stefan Dušan of Serbia, Ivan Alexander of Bulgaria, Ottoman Sultan Orhan Gazi 1377 - "Guess what? Bosnia has kings now." ~Tvrtko I 1520 - Charles I of Spain becomes Charles V, HRE. He considers renaming Europe "Habsburgland." 1597 - Admiral Yi Sun-sin defeats an invading Japanese fleet of anywhere from 120 to 330 ships with only 13 ships of his own at the Battle of Myeongnyang. Beat that, Nelson. 1825 - The Erie Canal opens. Plans to promote it as a Halloween attraction temporarily dubbed the "Eerie Canal" unfortunately fall through. 1860 - Giuseppe Garibaldi to King Victor Emmanuel II of Sardinia: "Look! I brought you a Sicily." 1909 - Korean independence activist An Jung-geun assassinates former Japanese Prime Minister, former Resident-General of Korea, and current President of the Privy Council Itō Hirobumi. Whether this delayed or accelerated the annexation process with regard to Korea is up for debate, but the shit being flung out from the fan is still hitting people today. 1947 - Hillary Clinton is born, prompting an investigation. 1967 - As a birthday present to himself, Iran's Shah (King) Mohammad Reza Pahlavi gives himself the title "Shahanshah" (emperor/"king of kings"). "We'll see about that." ~Ruhollah Khomeini 1977 - Somali hospital cook Ali Maow Maalin contracts smallpox, which is notable not in that it doesn't kill him, but in that he is the last person ever to do so. Vaccinate your kids. 1979 - South Korean president Park Chung-hee is assassinated at dinner in his residence by his own chief of security, and nobody is entirely sure why. 1985 - Uluru is returned to the Pitjantjatjara Aboriginals by the Australian government. "We're still going to let people climb and throw trash all over it, though. Might be a while before we get that sorted out."

Wed. Oct. 23, 2019 Elliot: 961 Ashley: 210 Fri. Oct. 25, 2019 Elliot: 962 Ashley: 211 Nanase: 607 FULL COUNT

That's probably my best typo to date.

On October 24 in History: 996 - Death of French king Hugh Capet. But his legacy will go on, and on, and on, and on... 1360 - Edward III of England and John II of France sign the Treaty of Brétigny, bringing their war to an end. There now, 23 years. That wasn't so bad. 1601 - Death of Tycho Brahe. The astronomer, not the Penny Arcade guy. 1648 - The Peace of Westphalia is established, ending the Thirty Years' War, and setting up the new world order based on sovereign states that is still used globally today. So now you know whom to blame. 1851 - William Lassell discovers Uranus moons Uriel and Ariel, and is presumably driven to suicide by the jokes. 1894 - Birth of Bengali author and poet Bibhutibhushan Mukhopadhyay, one of the few people on my lists to ever beat out the various Mayan kings in terms of names that are difficult to say. 1901 - On her 63rd birthday, Annie Edson Taylor is the first person to go over Niagra Falls in a barrel. Phase 2: ???. Phase 3: Profit! 1912 - The Ottoman army loses the Battle of Kirk Kilisse to Bulgaria and the Battle of Kumanovo to Serbia. Kind of mean for them to gang up on a sick old man. 1929 - The stock market drops over 11 percent at the opening bell, but thanks to some quick thinking and decisive action, catastrophe is averted and it closes down only 6 and a half percent by the end of the day. Whew, that could've been messy. 1945 - Execution by firing squad of Vidkun Quisling. Not sure what else he was expecting, really. 1956 - Soviet forces invade Budapest in response to the revolution that started yesterday. Oh, this isn't gonna be good. 1964 - Northern Rhodesia gains independence from the U.K. "Call us Zambia." 1975 - 90% of women in Iceland go on strike to protest gender inequality. Considering they're now the most gender equal country on Earth, I'd say it worked. 1986 - Aubrey Drake Graham is born. He will later shed his two hardened outer names and just keep the meaty part in the middle. 1989 - God dammit, no; I'm not doing one for fuckin' PewDiePie. Wait, shit. 1992 - The Toronto Blue Jays are the first non-American baseball team to win the World Series. It now feels slightly less silly to call it that. 2004 - Arsenal loses to Manchester United after going undefeated for 49 matches, a record in the Premier League. You can't prove I have no idea what I'm talking about. 2008 - Stork markets around the world drop an average of 10%. Creepy.

On October 23 in History: 42 BCE - Brutus commits suicide after being decisively defeated at the Battle of Philippi by Octavian and Mark Antony, best friends forever! 1295 - A treaty signed in Paris seals the Auld Alliance between France and Scotland. Oh, England is really fucked now. 1642 - King Charles's army attacks Parliament's army at the Battle of Edgehill after the two accidentally encounter each other the day before. Both sides are little more than ragtag bands of misfits and it doesn't go well for anyone. The English Civil War is off with a...well, not a bang. A loud thump, maybe? 1707 - The Parliament of Great Britain convenes for the first time. "I say, who let all these Scots in here?" 1739 - Britain declares war on Spain because merchant ship captain Robert Jenkins had his ear cut off eight years ago. 1766 - Birth of Emmanuel de Grouchy, marquis de Grouchy. Seen here: 1950 - Al Jolson dies at only 64. He didn't age well. 1955 - Vietnam becomes a republic after Prime Minister Ngô Đình Diệm defeats former emperor Bảo Đại with 98.2% of the vote in a referendum that isn't suspicious at all. 1956 - State police in Hungary fire on a group of anti-communist protesters. They will come to regret this, but not for very long, sadly. 1959 - A son is born to Mary and Nick Yankovic, who for the time being is known as Normal Al. 1984 - Meghan McCain is born. Do you know who her father is? If not(/so), she will remind you frequently, and at length. 1986 - Emilia Clarke hatches from a dragon egg. Pretty sure that's how it works. 1989 - The communist Hungarian People's Republic is officially replaced by the Third Hungarian Republic. Guess they got the last laugh after all. 1993 - An IRA bomber in Belfast has a premature detonation, killing himself and 9 civilians. Hey, I'm sure it happens to a lot of terrorists.

Sorry, I have a problem with authority.

You dare question my arbitrary use of English historians' penchant for using the English spelling of kings' names? Just be happy I didn't call Hans "John". (I say arbitrary because I usually do like to use the native spelling, but for instance today's "John" joke wouldn't have worked if I had, since one of them would have been "Juan" and the other two would have been "João".)

Yes, I know. I started counting after Hans. Hence 9 Christians and 9 Fredericks. 18. Nice.

Not to mention that your last 18 kings have been named Christian, Frederick, Christian, Frederick, Christian, Frederick, Christian, Frederick, Christian, Frederick, Christian, Frederick, Christian, Frederick, Christian, Frederick, Christian, and Frederick. And as I understand it, the queen's heir apparent is named...Frederick.