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Illjwamh

This Day In History

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Since I actually had this one done but forgot to post it:

On April 17 in History:

1397 - Geoffrey Chaucer first recites the Canterbury Tales before the court of Richard II. Onlookers are perplexed when he pronounces the same words multiple different ways within a single breath.

1492 - The Capitulations of Santa Fe are signed, leading to Christopher Columbus's famed voyage. Most of the Spanish court (correctly) believe his ideas to be idiotic, but consider both potential outcomes - he succeeds and brings wealth and glory to Spain, or fails and they are rid of him - desirable.

1945 - Brazilian troops liberate Montese, Italy from Nazi occupation. This sentence sounds ridiculous to anyone whose education is restricted to the History Channel.

1949 - The Republic of Ireland is formed. This does not stop Americans from asking Dubliners, "That's in England, right?"

1961 - The most hilariously named invasion in U.S. military history takes place. Despite the controversy surrounding the move, many political cartoonists dismiss it as "too easy".

1970 - The crew of Apollo 13 returns safely to Earth. Several Academy Award statuettes are prepared in advance.

2013 - A fertilizer plant explodes in West Texas. Surprised exclamations of "Holy shit!" are deemed to be in poor taste.

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And for today:

On April 18 in History:

1025 - Bolesław Chrobry is crowned the first King of Poland in a town even more difficult to pronounce than his name.

1506 - The cornerstone is laid for St. Peter's Basilica, because Jesus was totally kidding about that whole "give to those who have none" thing.

1775 - Paul Revere is arrested in a pub while 40 other men are out warning the countryside of a British advancement. Because his name rhymes with lots of things, he is later given credit for this.

1831 - The University of Alabama is founded. Attendance is low, as applicants are required to count higher than the number of fingers they have.

1906 - Despite earthquakes not being uncommon in the area, the phrase "The Great San Francisco Earthquake" ceases to be ambiguous.

1909 - Joan of Arc is beatified. Better late than never.

1930 - The BBC declares there is no news to report, then just play out to some piano music. There's no additional commentary; this is a thing that happened.

1942 - Four Japanese cities are bombed in the Doolittle raid as retaliation for the assault on Pearl Harbor months before. A big boost to morale, military leaders later felt they could have accomplished just as much for less money by simply giving Japan the finger.

2012 - Dick Clark passes away. Many of his fans are caught off-guard, having forgotten he was actually old.

2194 - Mankind leaves the Earth for the last time, as it has become uninhabitable. On the bright side, our new home seems quite receptive to mango trees.

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April 18 in EGS History:

2009 - Nanase & Ellen get in their first fight. Isn't love grand? ;)

2011 - Cheerleadra hits the Bulldog Dragon with her head, and discovers that her powers do not include an invulnerable head.

 

5 minutes ago, Illjwamh said:

1930 - The BBC declares there is no news to report, then just play out to some piano music. There's no additional commentary; this is a thing that happened.

Talk about a slow news day!

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5 hours ago, ChronosCat said:

2007 - Agent Wolf thinks beating up a little girl is good. Also he and Cranium are taken off the case.

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On April 20 in History:

1453 - A few Genoese galleys and one Byzantine blockade runner manage to fight their way through the Ottoman blockade during the siege of Constantinople. This ought to turn the tides!

1653 - "What is this, a Parliament of butts? GTFO." ~ Oliver Cromwell

1861 - Robert E. Lee, showing his great appreciation for the excellent military education provided for him by the U.S. government, accepts command of their enemy's army.

1862 - Louis Pasteur and Claude Bernard fail to spontaneously create life out of nothing.

1889 - Three different men, all independent from each other, are arrested and charged with the unthinkable crime of attempting to murder a newborn infant boy in the Austrian town of Braunau am Inn. All three attempt the same ludicrous defense that they are "from the future".

1902 - Pierre and Marie Curie successfully isolate radium and are awarded Nobel Prizes (along with some other guy). Despite their collaboration, Pierre is historically overshadowed by the accomplishments of his spouse, causing male professionals in all fields to say, "Oh, so that's what that feels like."

1946 - The League of Nations transfers what little power it has left to the United Nations before dissolving away, presumably in the form of a glowing ball of light accompanied by an epic yet heart-wrenching swell in the background music.

1999 - Two boys bring guns to their high school and kill a bunch of people, injuring several more, in the self-proclaimed most advanced nation on Earth. Naturally, the public is outraged and immediately takes action to ensure this kind of thing only happens several dozen more times before something is done about it.

2010 - An oil rig explodes in the Gulf of Mexico, killing eleven people and spilling crude oil into the environment for the following six months, because for some reason solar panels just aren't feasible or something.

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10 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1889 - Three different men, all independent from each other, are arrested and charged with the unthinkable crime of attempting to murder a newborn infant boy in the Austrian town of Braunau am Inn. All three attempt the same ludicrous defense that they are "from the future".

They are also remarkably stupid. It is always the same hoary "kill Hitler and change the future." Even granting that Hitler was all that important and horrible (it is very doubtful that his absence would have prevented WWII, it might easily still have occurred with other actors), no-one ever tries to undercut him by, say, mitigating or altering the events that led to WW1.

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46 minutes ago, The Old Hack said:

They are also remarkably stupid. It is always the same hoary "kill Hitler and change the future." Even granting that Hitler was all that important and horrible (it is very doubtful that his absence would have prevented WWII, it might easily still have occurred with other actors), no-one ever tries to undercut him by, say, mitigating or altering the events that led to WW1.

And of course there are good reasons no time traveler killed Hitler or any of his ancestors...

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April 21 in EGS History:

2003 - Tedd reveals that he doesn't need his glasses.

2004 - Grace beats up Damien. It's very satisfying to watch.

2005 - Ellen declares she wouldn't say no to being friends with benefits with Sarah - and she feels the same way about almost everyone. If she can feel that way about someone she later described as a sister, one has to wonder who exactly she's not attracted to.

2007 - Mr. Verres tells Wolf and Cranium he'll put them back on the case of the "Egg" when they had more to go on; in the mean time he plans to enlist the assistance of some friends of his.

2008 - Susan shouts that she hates this stupid school and everyone in it - especially Elliot and Tedd!

2010 - Elliot halts a make-out session with Sarah because he feels like he had to transform (in retrospect I suspect there was a different reason he was feeling uncomfortable); he then transforms into an imperfect copy of Sarah.

2011 - Cheerleadra blocks a giant fireball with her body, and is knocked to the ground and injured in the process.

 

14 hours ago, The Old Hack said:

They are also remarkably stupid. It is always the same hoary "kill Hitler and change the future." Even granting that Hitler was all that important and horrible (it is very doubtful that his absence would have prevented WWII, it might easily still have occurred with other actors), no-one ever tries to undercut him by, say, mitigating or altering the events that led to WW1.

On the one hand, Hitler was a very effective public speaker, and he had a lot of drive; it might have been more difficult for other people with similar goals and views to have built so much support (more difficult, certainly not impossible). On the other hand, he also proved to be fairly incompetent as a military strategist, and grew less and less inclined to listen to the advice of his underlings as time went on; if someone else had been in charge of Nazi Germany (or Germany under a similar totalitarian regime) they may well stood a better chance of winning, or at least have been even more costly to defeat.

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April 21

753 BC – Romulus founds Rome.  The Star Empire came later.

1509 – Death of Henry VII of England.  His son's Coronation Anthem would later become a hit for Herman's Hermits.

1898 – The United States Navy begins a blockade of Cuban ports.  When the U.S. Congress issued a declaration of war on April 25, it declared that a state of war had existed from this date.  Engaging an enemy before formally declaring war is a strategy that will certainly never be used against the US.

1918 – German fighter ace Manfred von Richthofen, better known as "The Red Baron", is shot down and killed over Vaux-sur-Somme in France.  Some of the most intense fighting of the First World War breaks out between various allied units claiming responsibility for the kill.

1926 – The Duchess of York gives birth to a girl.  Although third in line to the throne at birth, no one really expects Elizabeth Alexandra Mary to ever become Queen.

1934 – The "Surgeon's Photograph", the most famous photo allegedly showing the Loch Ness Monster, is published in the Daily Mail.  In 1999, it is revealed to be a hoax.  Who would have thought that the Surgeon's Photograph might have been doctored?

1962 – The Seattle World's Fair (Century 21 Exposition) opens. It is the first World's Fair in the United States since World War II.  Its most enduring legacy is the ability to quickly identify the location of series "Frasier" simply by the outline in the title.

1963 – The first election of the Universal House of Justice is held.  This is regarding the establishment of the supreme governing institution of the Bahá'í Faith.  Not the longstanding team up of Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Batman and Robin.

1977 – The musical "Annie" opens on Broadway, giving radio and TV weathermen their most overused musical cue ever.

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April 23 in EGS History:

2002 - Nanase wins her match with Elliot, and celebrates with a kiss, much to Sarah's shock.

2003 - Tedd goes into a long spiel about why he's a pervert.

2005 - Justin has a disturbing dream about Elliot turning him into a girl.

2008 - Tedd declares his willingness to snatch skirts to help Susan, while Elliot imagines kicking Damion off a cliff.

2010 - Catalina buys plastic Mjolnir.

2012 - Tedd tells Sarah that she doesn't mind if Sarah takes a peek at her (in male or female form) in private; she also wants Sarah to have the option to publicly humiliate her.

2013 - Sarah tells Susan that she and Elliot broke up; the Susan/Elliot shippers rejoice (one in comic, no less).

2014 - Justin imagines George with pink hair.

2015 - Ashley makes her case against labels.

 

13 hours ago, Scotty said:

It's actually funny how Justin has this fantasy about Tedd considering he had to assure Tedd that he(as well as other gay guys) wouldn't be attracted to him because of his androgynous appearance.

My best guess: it's a combination of being desperate and Justin having meant he wasn't strongly attracted to Tedd rather than he wasn't attracted to Tedd even the tiniest bit. The new haircut might have something to do with it too; Justin probably finds it more attractive than Tedd's old haircut.

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On April 25 in History:

404 BCE - Sparta finally defeats Athens in the Peloponnesian War. They determine that Athens is going to be one of their best buddies now. Athens is thrilled.

799 - The citizens of Rome are mean to Pope Leo III, so he runs away and asks for help from the king of the Franks - some guy named Charles.

1792 - Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle pens a startlingly gory call to arms that French citizens still sing proudly today whenever one of their countrymen wins a bobsled medal or something.

1846 - American Dragoons scouting in what they knew full well was territory claimed by Mexico are attacked and soundly defeated by Mexican forces. Upon hearing the news, President James K. Polk is outraged at this completely unforeseen turn of events, and determines he now simply has no choice but to go to war with Mexico and take a bunch of their land. A remarkable coincidence, as he'd just been trying to come up with a viable excuse to do that.

1898 - The United States retroactively declares war on Spain. It is SO a thing!

1915 - The landings at Gallipoli begin. This is the last time that phrase will be used to refer to an actual invasion of the Gallipoli peninsula, as opposed to simple shorthand for a catastrophic invasion attempt doomed to failure.

1916 - The first ANZAC Day is observed. From this year onward, citizens of Australia and New Zealand will commemorate soldiers lost not only in the doomed campaign, but in all wars. They also faithfully reenact the infamous battle by means of trying to find a parking space.

1936 - Henck Arron is born. He will consider being the first prime minister of Suriname a more impressive accomplishment than his fabulous home run count.

1944 - Incorporation of the United Negro College Fund, an organization everyone agrees is necessary due to the fact it's still considered appropriate to have the word "Negro" in it.

1959 - The St. Lawrence Seaway solves Canada's problem of the major city of Toronto being so far from the sea by simply bringing the sea to Toronto.

1983 - The leader of the Soviet Union writes a personal letter to a fifth grade girl in Maine, promising not to nuke her.

1990 - Violeta Chamorro becomes the first female president of Nicaragua. Get your act together, America!

1995 - Ginger Rogers dies. Her funeral will be carried out much the same as Fred Astaire's eight years before, but backwards and with everyone in fancier shoes.

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36 minutes ago, Illjwamh said:

1990 - Violeta Chamorro becomes the first female president of Nicaragua. Get your act together, America!

Considering what's been going on with Nicaragua recently, seems more like it was once step forward, 15 steps back.

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19 minutes ago, Scotty said:

Considering what's been going on with Nicaragua recently, seems more like it was once step forward, 15 steps back.

 

That's precisely what makes it so embarrassing.

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6 hours ago, Vorlonagent said:

Novelty is a poor reason to vote for a candidate.

Trouble is that there are even worse reasons, and A LOT of even worse candidates.

10 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

1792 - Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle pens a startlingly gory call to arms that French citizens still sing proudly today whenever one of their countrymen wins a bobsled medal or something.

Admittedly, cutting the throats of your women and your sons while watering your fields with your enemy's blood is a bit gory.
But is it really worse than singing about a British fleet that couldn't hit the broad side of a flag?

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6 hours ago, Vorlonagent said:

Novelty is a poor reason to vote for a candidate.

I agree. The sad part isn't simply that we haven't had a female president, but that we haven't even had any serious female candidates except for that one time.

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9 minutes ago, Illjwamh said:

I agree. The sad part isn't simply that we haven't had a female president, but that we haven't even had any serious female candidates except for that one time.

... trying to make a pun about just how serious she might have been, without getting too overtly political ...

... giving up ...

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13 hours ago, Illjwamh said:

I agree. The sad part isn't simply that we haven't had a female president, but that we haven't even had any serious female candidates except for that one time.

Minor correction, Geraldine Ferraro was a candidate for vice president...

to have a good female president we first need a choice to vote FOR rather than someone whose whole premise is "I'm female and the other guy's worse."  If you want a ovarian Prez just to have one, I've already addressed that.

We makes fewer mistakes being meritocratic, but it's a perspective that can be depressing especially when applied to politics...

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2 hours ago, Vorlonagent said:

Minor correction, Geraldine Ferraro was a candidate for vice president...

to have a good female president we first need a choice to vote FOR rather than someone whose whole premise is "I'm female and the other guy's worse."  If you want a ovarian Prez just to have one, I've already addressed that.

We makes fewer mistakes being meritocratic, but it's a perspective that can be depressing especially when applied to politics...

The Moderator: Making claims about the quality of candidates is solidly in the territory of politics. Kindly desist from this topic or I shall have to lock the thread.

~tOH.

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