The mind is a terrible thing, so let's get wasted.
Lulz
In COBOLs heyday, subroutine handling was not at its best, and nothing much supported recursion.
LISP, one of the oldest computer languages is an exception. LISP was not written as a computer language, it was written as an algorithm description language, and then, "Hey, we could implement this on a computer." I read a good case for "All languages aspire to be LISP".
Web enabled COBOLScript Query Language.
... As you open the door, you hear a guttural chatter. You can vaguely make out hideous figures, for the most part thankfully obscured by their cloaks. The COBOLDs cease their discussion, and turn to confront you. Several pairs of beady black eyes stare back at you. Roll for initiative. ...
... Your wizards find it difficult to make sense of the COBOLDs' verbose incantations. Counterspells are surprisingly ineffective. If only one of your number could follow this archaic tongue, and make sense of it! ...
...As the last of the COBOLDs is dispatched, you are grateful for the knowledge that this battle will not recur. ...