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CritterKeeper

(+/-Bad) Jokes Thread

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Saw this in another forum awhile ago.  Every now and then, you just feel like sharing a joke, evenif it's a bad one.  Jokes are not required to be bad to be posted here, but it should be considered more of a plus than a minus if they are.  ;-)

 

Why do anarchists only drink herbal tea?

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Because proper tea is theft!

 

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

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Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan!

 

You get the idea.  Have at it!

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When is a door not a door?

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When it's ajar.

 

A rabbi, a boy scout, and the President walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and goes, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

 

Wait wait! I got another one. I saw it on an Undertale comic dub on YouTube.

Okay, so a guy walks into a bar and he asks for a drink.

The bartender says...

"I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."

And the guy replies...

"Okay, so a guy walks into a bar and he asks for a drink.

The bartender says...

"I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."

And the guy replies...

"Okay, so a guy walks into a bar and he asks for a drink.

The bartender says...

"Here you go."

So he gives the guy a drink."

So he gives the guy a drink."

So he gives the guy a drink.

Edited by Zorua
Meta-joke

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It's a word I see all the time, so it wouldn't have registered for me, but a friend who is just starting the hormonal part of transitioning was highly amused that her new estradiol patch, to be applied to the skin twice a week, is labeled a transdermal patch.  :-D

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http://www.gocomics.com/frazz/2002/03/18#mutable_709579

Coach: Pick a number.

Caulfield: "Anything Goes" by Cole Porter.

Coach: A number number.

Caulfield: Avogadro's Number.

Coach: A number between one and ten!

Caulfield: Pi.

[playing basketball] Coach Hacker looks stressed.

Frazz: I think someone did a number on him.

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8 hours ago, CritterKeeper said:

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

You, of all people, should know that chameleon's color changes due to tempature and their mood, not to match their background.

Of course I'm pre caffeine right now, so my funny element isn't fully operational yet.

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4 hours ago, mlooney said:

You, of all people, should know that chameleon's color changes due to tempature and their mood, not to match their background.

Of course I'm pre caffeine right now, so my funny element isn't fully operational yet.

Well, I've heard three different amusing answers through the years, so maybe come back and read them when your funnybone is back online?

 

1) "The same color as the chameleon on the other side of the mirror."

2) "What chameleon?"

3) "Seems clear to me!"

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Just now, CritterKeeper said:

Well, I've heard three different amusing answers through the years, so maybe come back and read them when your funnybone is back online?

 

1) "The same color as the chameleon on the other side of the mirror."

2) "What chameleon?"

3) "Seems clear to me!"

I'll take the first version.

 

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15 hours ago, ProfessorTomoe said:

How many rhetorical questions does it take to change a light bulb?

One; the one who asked the rhetorical question first.

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4 hours ago, ijuin said:

At least you have a love life to joke about.

Put it in a box and call it Schroedinger's Love Life?

That's what I did before coming to the realization that I was ace and it didn't matter anyway.

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Oi!  Take it to the Sad thread or something!  ;-)

 

So this girl walks up to another girl and says "Hey, have you heard of the Bechdel Test?" 
And the other girl says, "Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day!"

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3 hours ago, ijuin said:

Aaaaand she just failed it. :D

Eh, to my mind they don't fail just for *mentioning* a guy's existence.  If she goes on to talk about what her boyfriend thinks of it, or anything else about him, *then* they fail, but if they carry on discussing the test and it's strengths and weaknesses, and he boyfriend doesn't figure into the discussion, then I think they still pass.

 

"I intend to live forever, or die trying!"

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